Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 10:03 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2,965
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Ignore the haters.

Tell him you will only agree if he agrees to one post secondary degree with his proportionate share calculated accordingly
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 10:50 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,040
Berner_Faith will become famous soon enough
Default

My husband and I married two years ago... we did well planning things for our weekends, I don't think we had to request extra time at all, other than we took the kids on our honeymoon with us so had an extra week with them.

I just want to say that denying the kids his opportunity will only backfire on you. What a great opportunity for them to be involved in the wedding AND get a sunny vacation out of it! That is awesome for them. My step kids were so excited for our wedding and we do not regret bringing them on our honeymoon. They still talk about the experience they had.

It has been said many times on this forum that if you have an unreasonable ex make sure your agreement is as black and white as possible. Having something like this in an agreement isn't a bad thing but his wording isn't reasonable. It also isn't reasonable to request he only have his destination wedding during July or August during the weeks he has the kids. Most destinations weddings are during the winter months as that's when most sunny destinations are wanted.

You need to find a common ground and work with him on this. Make up time, X amount of notice, itinerary, he to pay for all costs associated, etc.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 10:59 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2,965
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

This isnt a general request. Hes doing it to be a dick. He could simply make sure there is a clause in there that covers "and other opportunities as agreed upon" and then he could be a normal parent who remembers that kids have time off from school.

Anyone who does a destination wedding looks at the options and accommodations for those they wish to invite. Further, parents who want to take their kids on a vacation look at the time away from school.

This request is total bs and speaks volumes about his desire to have control. He didnt need to put in there about a destination wedding and it is more than likely a way to mess with Ange. If he was reasonable and was making plans to do a destination wedding he would plan it around the kids school schedule to make sure they are not impacted. One kid has learning difficulties, so what? Hes going to impact kids learning for his own selfish desires?

No this request speaks volumes about his attitude that he comes first and the kids come second. Its totally unreasonable and has nothing to do with him getting remarried and everything to do with his need to control.

For everyone who wants to bitch about her being mean, look at how you planned your second wedding. Did you pick a date and make your ex agree or did you look at the potential impacts to the kids' schedules and working within your agreement? I have a feeling you all planned it with the schedules in mind.
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 12:28 PM
Janus's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,318
Janus will become famous soon enough
Default

How many times is he going to get married?

"For father's first marriage, father can have the kids for a week provided that he gives at least 120 days notice. Subsequent marriages will not be accommodated in any way."

I like Rockscan's idea to tying his demand to other stuff that you want. He can have A, as long as you get B.
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 01:40 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,040
Berner_Faith will become famous soon enough
Default

Rock... kids miss a week of school all the time... many families travel outside of school holidays like Christmas and March Break due to the price difference. Our honeymoon was mid October and we went to Puta Cana... yes we pulled the kids out of school for that week. No harm was done.

A better wording than mentioning a wedding would be that both parents are entitled to one full week vacation with the children outside the normal parenting schedule. That way if Ange wants to take the kids to Disneyland for a week she can and Dad can take them away for the wedding. Requesting a one week vacation is not unreasonable in any way and is included in many agreement. I would note this doesn't include summer if they already do week about in the summer.

I get her ex is a dick and the way he words things are not appropriate but Ange also has to remember that she may way to take the kids away at some point so she has to find a way to include travel in their agreement.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 01:56 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2,965
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Then she can counter that response and remember to be reasonable in her request. Using your language of an additional week or vacation or just the usual vacation time agreed upon by both people within reason with a deadline.

Working parents have limits on the vacation requests in the sense of you have to book your vacation more than a few days in advance etc.

I was just getting at the fact that his language leaves a lot of details open for interpretation but only for him. It needs to be reasonable language for both of them not just "i get to decide on my vacation for my wedding". Its really not fair to both parties.
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 02:14 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,040
Berner_Faith will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Then she can counter that response and remember to be reasonable in her request. Using your language of an additional week or vacation or just the usual vacation time agreed upon by both people within reason with a deadline.

Working parents have limits on the vacation requests in the sense of you have to book your vacation more than a few days in advance etc.

I was just getting at the fact that his language leaves a lot of details open for interpretation but only for him. It needs to be reasonable language for both of them not just "i get to decide on my vacation for my wedding". Its really not fair to both parties.


I 100% agree his wording and demands are unreasonable but if you look at the big picture he is basically requesting vacation time which is very normal, BUT it has to go both ways. So Ange is just as entitled to time and there have to be limits set (when must one inform the other, letters of consent, make up time, etc). The guy makes demands and just expects them to be followed, there are ways Ange can take these demands and spin them to work in her favour as well, but outright refusing or saying he can only take during July/August isn't reasonable either


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 03:09 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 2,965
rockscan will become famous soon enough
Default Right to other parent's time for important events

Oh no I wasnt saying refuse him. His language is bs because you know with his personality he would be all "im getting married next week give me the kids". Most agreements have a vacation clause in them that is somewhat broad but reasonable. As in "both parties will have the right to two weeks vacation per year outside the parenting schedule per year and regular schedule school vacations (ie christmas, march break and summer)" or something to that effect.

Ange your lawyer (which will cost you) should be able to word this accordingly but make sure it has "reasonable notice" "as agreed" and "outside regular parenting schedule". I dont really get why he needs to have a permanent agreement that breaks down a wedding in it. Most agreements have vacation language in them that would cover what hes asking for.

Eta: my partners agreement has a clause similar to "both parents will be permitted to take the children on a vacation no less than 72 hours and not longer than two weeks outside the regular access schedule as agreed upon" with additional notes that it is to be agreed on with reasonable time, not impacting the other parents schedule or vacation and not impacting any major educational or extra curricular activities. The problem was that the ex has about 15 weeks vacation per year and always books the kids time in early january so theres no time left for my partner. When he attempted to fight it she pulled the "lets let the kids decide" and we all know how that went.

Last edited by rockscan; 10-03-2017 at 03:13 PM.
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 03:33 PM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,915
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
How many times is he going to get married?

"For father's first marriage, father can have the kids for a week provided that he gives at least 120 days notice. Subsequent marriages will not be accommodated in any way."

I like Rockscan's idea to tying his demand to other stuff that you want. He can have A, as long as you get B.
Hilarious! LMFAO
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 09:46 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 399
Ange71727 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
My husband and I married two years ago... we did well planning things for our weekends, I don't think we had to request extra time at all, other than we took the kids on our honeymoon with us so had an extra week with them.

I just want to say that denying the kids his opportunity will only backfire on you. What a great opportunity for them to be involved in the wedding AND get a sunny vacation out of it! That is awesome for them. My step kids were so excited for our wedding and we do not regret bringing them on our honeymoon. They still talk about the experience they had.

It has been said many times on this forum that if you have an unreasonable ex make sure your agreement is as black and white as possible. Having something like this in an agreement isn't a bad thing but his wording isn't reasonable. It also isn't reasonable to request he only have his destination wedding during July or August during the weeks he has the kids. Most destinations weddings are during the winter months as that's when most sunny destinations are wanted.

You need to find a common ground and work with him on this. Make up time, X amount of notice, itinerary, he to pay for all costs associated, etc.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I agree with you. I'm not going to deny the kids this opportunity. I wouldn't do that. I just don't agree with him demanding full carte blanche to plan it whenever he wants and zero makeup time for me. That will be a disaster because he's as much about controlling everything/screwing me over as he is looking out for the kids' best interests. Probably less about the latter.
I think I will tell him that we can negotiate and "mutually agree upon" the week he takes for this wedding; however, it will come with mutually agreed upon makeup time for me. Fair's fair.
Keep in mind he isn't even engaged yet. He needs to make it to he wedding without cheating on this girlfriend first.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Spousal support - payor having 2 jobs one full time one part Time jack123 Financial Issues 14 02-28-2017 01:53 PM
Faulty to assume Shared Parenting: here's why SilverLining Divorce & Family Law 44 06-29-2014 02:41 PM
What do you do after your kid leaves for their week with other parent? stripes Parenting Issues 64 07-10-2013 03:49 PM
make-up time cool river Divorce & Family Law 13 11-03-2012 12:10 AM
What to do when.... thefunone Parenting Issues 12 05-24-2012 04:35 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:40 PM.