Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2017, 10:10 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 399
Ange71727 is on a distinguished road
Default Right to other parent's time for important events

Hi all,

The never ending quest to put in place a new "amended" separation agreement is still ongoing. Looks like settlement might be near but I just got sidelined with a demand from the ex today that he's never previously brought up. Says this MUST be in writing for him or it's a deal breaker basically (although I've called his bluff several times before and been right). I am curious to know people's thoughts on this or if anyone has a similar clause in their agreement.

He is demanding that there be a clause in the agreement that states if and when he should remarry, he is entitled to a week of time with the kids at his complete discretion for a destination wedding. I haven't responded yet but my first inclination is to say that I would agree to work with him to negotiate time if need be, but that all efforts need to be made to make this destination wedding on HIS time and that he cannot simply dictate when it will take place seeing as a wedding involves much pre-planning anyway. That is what seems reasonable to me.

Side note: I remarried a few years ago and made sure that my own wedding did not impact him or his time with the kids in any way. I sort of feel that it isn't his place to mandate this and this is why I didn't make him give up the kids on his time for my own wedding.

Thoughts please!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 12:51 AM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,918
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

my reaction - dickhead request. One would think that he would have a schedule of his parenting time PRIOR to planning the big event. If he's too 'tarded to make the plans on allotted parenting time then that's his problem. I'd totally ignore and blow this one off - totally trivial.

Starting to sound like he is trying to rack up your legal bill. Don't waste any more time on this idiot. don't lower yourself to such a ridiculous conversation. Refocus. Children's best interests... This is nonsensical

Sheesh - does this guy ever give up?

If you do feel the need to respond... perhaps you will agree to his demand only if he agrees that, no matter what, you insist on being in the wedding party LOL LOL.

What an idiot!

Last edited by arabian; 10-03-2017 at 12:54 AM.
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 01:24 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,681
trinton has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
my reaction - dickhead request.
If referring to single mom's as cuntjobs is too vulgar for this forums then so is referring to single dad's as dickheads.

Why is that such a deal breaker for you? You're seriously going to spend your money paying a lawyer to oppose this request and prolong your litigation? Seems like you really enjoy this stuff. Why not just agree it but you get makeup time of your choosing in replacement? Why not work with him to try to find a middle ground? You already have so much more time than him, giving him another week isn't going to kill you.

Worst comes to worst you could agree to it but just pull a trinton's-ex / cuntjob move and deny it and go in contempt of your court order and then just dictate make up time. Or just don't agree and go to trial because of an extra week to dad.

Last edited by trinton; 10-03-2017 at 01:30 AM.
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 08:21 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 40
len14 is on a distinguished road
Default

I'm pretty sure children sharing in their father's marriage is in the best interest of the children - it's a lifetime event for their new formed family with their father. It should be a moot point. Not agreeing to something as basic as being flexible to ensure that your children participate in such a special occasion in their lives is a bad move. Their wedding should be about them, their family and their extended friends- it shouldn't be about managing the children's and your schedule. It's a one time thing for crying out loud! Good on dad for thinking forward and trying to hammer out anything that may cause conflict in the future. You are well on your way to raising some entitled little snowflakes if you think it's in the 'best interest of the children' to not disrupt in their routine for the sake of their father's special day.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 09:19 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 399
Ange71727 is on a distinguished road
Default

I wish people would do a little thing called READING the OP before they post. I clearly stated that I am willing to work this out for him to ensure it can happen, as yes obviously it is in the kids' best interests to be part of his wedding. Your response does not address the actual issue I am posting about which is scheduling things on the other parents' time. Just to be clear about my ex, things are hugely contentious and there have been previous issues involving him feeling like he can take parenting time from me for other things, now that he has realized his mistake in letting almost 9 years pass with significantly less parenting time than me. Yes, I have more time, but to me this doesn't mean I should have to be at his mercy. I don't think he is entitled to take away time either without me also getting time back. I made sure not to impact him at all during my own wedding - and we had three separate events (city hall, destination and backyard party). If he has week long stretches in the summer I feel like he should look ahead, with all his excellent foresight, and make sure it happens in the least impactful way to the regular schedule.
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 09:24 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 40
len14 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I wish people would do a little thing called READING the OP before they post. I clearly stated that I am willing to work this out for him to ensure it can happen, as yes obviously it is in the kids' best interests to be part of his wedding. Your response does not address the actual issue I am posting about which is scheduling things on the other parents' time. Just to be clear about my ex, things are hugely contentious and there have been previous issues involving him feeling like he can take parenting time from me for other things, now that he has realized his mistake in letting almost 9 years pass with significantly less parenting time than me. Yes, I have more time, but to me this doesn't mean I should have to be at his mercy. I don't think he is entitled to take away time either without me also getting time back. I made sure not to impact him at all during my own wedding - and we had three separate events (city hall, destination and backyard party). If he has week long stretches in the summer I feel like he should look ahead, with all his excellent foresight, and make sure it happens in the least impactful way to the regular schedule.


I've read it clearly and have kept track of your posts. You are treating the children as a commodity. A wedding is a life event and should supersede regular schedule. The fact that your response to his request for the kids for his wedding is anything but 'yes of course' is absolutely ludicrous.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 09:38 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 399
Ange71727 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by len14 View Post
I've read it clearly and have kept track of your posts. You are treating the children as a commodity. A wedding is a life event and should supersede regular schedule. The fact that your response to his request for the kids for his wedding is anything but 'yes of course' is absolutely ludicrous.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I completely disagree with you but you are entitled to view it through your biased lens and arrive at your own opinion.

You don't know the whole story - like that he fought tooth and nail to deny a clause in the agreement that states the kids must be able to spend their brothers' birthday with them or their stepfather's birthday. But wants to make sure he has everything ironed out for himself. He wanted to be able to pick and choose his Christmas schedule and then inform me of his plans or days he's available instead of having to book time off. He wants to not have to take time off work for holidays and instead have them fall where they are and possibly deny me the right to alternate (again he'd have to take time off and time is money). There's also no way he would've agreed to let me take the kids on his time for my wedding. There's been lots of this. He's totally selfish and if anyone is using them as a commodity it is him. The new agreement is extremely specific because that's how it has to be with him. I think it opens up a world of problems to actually let it be carte Blanche for this issue. Imagine this:
Me: Hey ex, I'm going to take the kids to Disney on the March Break - it's all planned.

Him: Oh sorry no, I'm booking my wedding then.

This is legitimately something he'd arrange which is why I brought this up, petty as it sounds.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 09:50 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 40
len14 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I completely disagree with you but you are entitled to view it through your biased lens and arrive at your own opinion.

You don't know the whole story - like that he fought tooth and nail to deny a clause in the agreement that states the kids must be able to spend their brothers' birthday with them or their stepfather's birthday. But wants to make sure he has everything ironed out for himself. He wanted to be able to pick and choose his Christmas schedule and then inform me of his plans or days he's available instead of having to book time off. He wants to not have to take time off work for holidays and instead have them fall where they are and possibly deny me the right to alternate (again he'd have to take time off and time is money). There's also no way he would've agreed to let me take the kids on his time for my wedding. There's been lots of this. He's totally selfish and if anyone is using them as a commodity it is him. The new agreement is extremely specific because that's how it has to be with him. I think it opens up a world of problems to actually let it be carte Blanche for this issue. Imagine this:
Me: Hey ex, I'm going to take the kids to Disney on the March Break - it's all planned.

Him: Oh sorry no, I'm booking my wedding then.

This is legitimately something he'd arrange which is why I brought this up, petty as it sounds.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You will continue to fight tit for tat then. Because he didn't agree to this, you won't agree to that etc. Look how far it's gotten you! Put a 6 mos minimum provision and move on with your life.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 09:51 AM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,918
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

Angel71727 I do not believe you are "treating the children as a commodity." You are merely in the unenviable position of having to deal with a high-conflict individual who expects you to agree to his every whim.

Weddings, births, deaths, graduations (to name just a few) are all life events. As a parent you have the right to determine if your children should participate in these events. Giving your blessing now over something you may disagree to in the future would not be wise. A "destination wedding" may involve travel to a place you deem to be unsafe or at a time conflicting with children's academics. Therefore, if you feel you have to agree to this then I would suggest that you put in caveat that you may approve should travel be during months of July or August or whatever time (Spring break) you deem appropriate. Of course you might consider adding that, at the time of request, he is to provide schedule of make-up parenting time. If you don't do this then your ex is likely to request extra time for a great-aunt's piano recital, or 2nd cousin's admittance to the bar in California....
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 10-03-2017, 09:53 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 399
Ange71727 is on a distinguished road
Default

And yes Arabian, the legal bill just keeps racking up over these stupid things. Ten grand so far and not even a trial. This is in response to me insisting that the holiday schedule alternates. Because duh of course it should! This is his "sticking it to me" moment.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Spousal support - payor having 2 jobs one full time one part Time jack123 Financial Issues 14 02-28-2017 01:53 PM
Faulty to assume Shared Parenting: here's why SilverLining Divorce & Family Law 44 06-29-2014 02:41 PM
What do you do after your kid leaves for their week with other parent? stripes Parenting Issues 64 07-10-2013 03:49 PM
make-up time cool river Divorce & Family Law 13 11-03-2012 12:10 AM
What to do when.... thefunone Parenting Issues 12 05-24-2012 04:35 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:05 PM.