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Lizhao 08-26-2017 06:24 PM

Repeatedly Cheating Behavior in Divorce
I need advices about how to deal with the repeatedly cheating behavior of my wife. She not only cheated on me,but on different levels of authorities: Driver License Agency, Legal Aid Agency and Court! I am seriously considering reporting to police, but somebody advises me not to do so, because the divorce case is pending in the court. It may have backfire if I do so. I am not sure.

I started a divorce case based on cruelty first time in May last year,but I withdrew the case 4 months later. During the period she applied for legal aid and got it for free. It didn't strike me as odd at that time.

3 months ago I started a new divorce case based on one year separation. Then she used the legal aid to find a lawyer, and then went to Europe for pleasure, visiting 35 European cities in 35 days and spending about $13,000!(I am not sure it is Canadian dollar or Euro).

I just claim for simple divorce this time, because our marriage is very short, only 43 months old,and she has a full time job and an apartment property abroad, but she has never made any contribution to our Canadian household spending. Not one cent! Instead I gave her $5000 during the period . After she returned from Europe touring, she instructed her lawyer to file equalization, spousal support, prejudgement interest and costs claims against me and my Canadian house. So I have the opportunity to read her financial statement.

To my surprise, she doesn't claims her income and property overseas. She claims $0 income and no property for 2015, $3000 income and no property for 2016.This is absolutely a lie. Her salary overseas is about $16,000. Her property value is about $200,000. I have document evidence to prove she is lying to Court!

Because of this cheating, one of my friends reminded me of her Legal Aid application. This proved true later! One of friends,who helped her prepare the legal aid application last year, confirmed to me that she claimed no job, no property in her Legal Aid application. She hid her income and property, cheated Legal Aid Agency, and then flew to Europe for pleasure, living likde a queen. After returned, pressed me for my property and spousal support, while I am still struggling for life!

Her cheating doesn't stop here!

In Feb,2016, she tried to learn driving. She submitted a fake document to authorities claiming that she had about 5 years of driving experience abroad so she got 3 years of driving credit and was eligible to take G2 and G road test right way. But actually she didn't have any driving experience at that time. I offered to train her driving. But she was so careless in driving that in several situations she almost hit other cars and people. One day she ignored my repeated warning and, with only one hour of professional driving training,she insisted in driving into Wyandotte/Walker (quite complex main road intersection in my city). This scared me terribly and we started to argue. After this, she started cursing me,threatening to accuse me of raping her to police, and displaying other mental cruelty behavior! Because of her behavior, I filed first divorce case May last year. But for some reasons, I withdrew it later.

She really puzzles me up to date! She doesn't look like such a person at all! She is an associate professor in a College abroad and talks so nicely. I can guarantee that everybody will like her when you meet her first time. But it is such an lovely lady who has done all those cheatings and display such incredible behaviors!

I have all the evidence to support my claims here. If I report to police, I am sure that she will be prosecuted. But she didn't think that she had done anything wrong,at least 6 months ago. Now she refuses to talk to me.

I feel that such an person needs punishment, so I am considering reporting to police while our divorce case is pending. But somebody said no. Judge in my divorce case would regard my police reporting as a technige to force her into unfavorable settlement to her and the judge may rule against me. Is the true?

arabian 08-26-2017 06:47 PM

Ah.... she knows you are a pushover. You start something then she sweet-talks you out of it. You have created your own situation.

Perhaps you like the drama? If this woman is such a disaster why, on earth, do you still communicate with her?

You need to set boundaries and focus on what you want to accomplish. If you want to keep contact with her then divorce court isn't your answer - you need a counselor.

See if you can go for 6 months without any communication whatsoever with her. You are separated now (presumably) so what she does, how she spends her money, if she lies to police, is really none of your concern.

Fortunately you are not tied to each other with children. That is a blessing.

Don't waste police time please. Police are there for real emergencies not silly spats.

Get a lawyer and listen and heed the lawyer's advice. I suspect that until you actually spend some money in this matter that you will just keep going back to her. You say you started a "divorce due to cruelty... but withdrew it" (thankfully because you likely had no evidence).

Please don't waste court time. You want her or you don't want her. Make up your mind please... then pay a lawyer a substantial retainer (you will need to give the lawyer plenty of money up-front as you frequently change your mind.

Good luck.... (counselors are much cheaper than lawyers you know).

mcdreamy 08-26-2017 08:03 PM

Stating “43 months” of marriage is almost as annoying as a friend telling me the kid is “35 months” old. You had a 3.6 year marriage, no?

No-fault divorce here, in Canada. Please expand on your initial “cruelty” claim. What were your grounds, other than she cheated on you?

Also, please expand on your 'punishment' thoughts. I'm curious to see what punishment you think is deserved for your ex.

I doubt you'll make it to court - with no children, a settlement of matrimonial property should be fairly simple. It is a calculation of numbers. Yes, your ex is entitled to 1/2 of the accumulated property during the marriage. Please don't spend more on lawyers than you need to, this is math.

Lizhao 08-26-2017 08:28 PM

Thank Arabian!

I totally understand what you mean.

Last year I have already tried counseling several times, but she refused to go. She refused any form of communication. Actually she forbid me talking to her, warning me not to send text or email to disturb her. She also threatened to report to police for raping accusation! We could not have any form of communication for 5 months. That is why I filed divorce application. I withdrew the case because she agreed on jointed divorce application.

I have tried very hard for out of court settlement. Friends and church priests have helped negotiating agreements for at least 4 times! Originally she accepted the agreement, but in final moment, she broke her words. Now it is her who insists fighting in the court, not me. Our mutual friends try to persuade her to negotiate an agreement, but she refuses. She wants to put me in jail! I want out of Court agreement from the beginning. Now she doesn't want any form of communication, just want fighting in the Court! I am actually in a very stressful situation now!

Lizhao 08-26-2017 09:26 PM

Thank McDreamy.

Last year,she had only one hour of driving school training and tried driving into busy main street, which scared me almost to death, because she almost hit other cars or person on 5 situations just one week before. I couldn't help shouting at her to stop immediately,and later we argued bitterly. Because of this,she hated me. From that moment, she forbid me talking to her about any subject, except driving. For more than one month, I had to sit in the passenger seat almost every day, so she could legally drive on G1 license. Every time I tried to talk other subject, she just ignored me! When we got home, same happened.She didn't talk one word to me! I tried to please her, she either remained silent or verbally abuse me. I told her that I felt very bad, she replied,"if you feel bad, go to jump the high building"! I said if we can't communicate, I would be suffocated to death," she replied,"this is exactly what I want"! For almost 4 months, she either kept silent,or cursed me verbally!

One night she told me very seriously that she might accuse me for raping her. She fabricated a story saying she could send me to jail. This was really terrifying me! At that time I took her words very seriously. Actually I didn't know her very well . I felt very very scared of this lady. Is this the ground for mental cruelty?

Anyway, Cruelty case has been withdrawn last year. Now it is one year separation case.

As for punishment, her cheatings on Legal Aid application and driver license application are actually frauds. Telling lie almost becomes her habit. I don't know why. Actually originally I hesitated in reporting to police, but one church priest told me that she has a pattern of lying and unfortunately it is true!"God will punish her" is the priest word. Maybe God needs police to act?

Lizhao 08-26-2017 09:36 PM

Cruelty include physical cruelty,such as beating, punching, and mental cruelty. I feel that my case was like mental cruelty. Her words has no mercy!

mcdreamy 08-27-2017 07:41 AM

I really think you need to focus on yourself and ignore her junk, it's just peripheral noise.

Who owns the Canadian house? Are you both Canadian citizens, or is she sponsored? No children, correct?

Is she currently living in the house with you? If so, have you created a separate and safe living area for yourself?

ETA: If she does in fact still live with you, you need to consider taking action to prevent any further physical abuse to you - which, in addition to creating your own living space, includes carryiing a recording device and immediately calling the police if she threatens you or physically attacks you.

Lizhao 08-27-2017 11:19 AM

McDreamy, thank you for reply.

I own the Canadian duplex house. Currently we live in different unit. I am Canadian citizen and I sponsor her. No kid. She landed in Dec 20,2015 and in Feb,2016, we argued bitterly over her dangerous driving. After that our crisis started ,up to today. Since then, almost no talk, no communication. She almost never replies my email or text, and warns me not to disturb her. The only time she contacts me is when she needs me do something for her.

After she started verbally abusing me and ordered me not to talk anything except driving, I started recording her abusive language without her knowledge. I believe that I have moral ground for my action, because recording is not related to driving. She ordered me not to talk anything unrelated to driving, so I didn't need to tell her about the recording, right!? So now I have all the recording of her abusive language mentioned above!

I do want to focus on myself and forget her, but I can't do this, because she claims equalization of my property, spousal support , prejudgment interest and costs on me in the Court. I must respond to her claims, otherwise half of my property will be robbed! She hides her income and property, and then claims my property, is this outrageous? That is why I am considering reporting to police!

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