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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 12-01-2017, 07:26 PM
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Default Remove from birth certificate and add new legal guardian

Okay, this could get long. I'll try and keep it as short as possible.

I have 5 kids, custody of all 5, but 3 my ex has access to. Our youngest is not biologically his and he treats her like shit. She's a phenomenal dancer, auditioned for and made it to the A troupe but I opted to keep her in B troupe for finances and to balance her competitive dance and his access. My youngest daughter will begin competing in 2 years and one competitive costs $10,000 a year easily.

Anyway, he tells her she's an awful dancer, won't let her stretch or practice, punishes her for practicing her routines, and it was so bad that she considered quitting so he wouldn't hate her anymore. He doesn't pay anything towards her dance or come watch her. I pay it all. I made her finish the season telling her that her teammates depended on her, and that if after all her competitions were done, she wanted to quit, I would let her, but she had to finish the season. After her first competition she came running off the stage begging to stay in and saying she didn't care what he said. He has been fighting me in court for 3 years trying to get a court order banning her from dance, refused to bring her on his weekends and after a 3 day custody and access trial, I was awarded full custody and the judge court ordered that he has to give her over to me for dance regardless of his access.

November 3, all 5 of my kids were apprehended by Children's Services for parental conflict. They have since filed in court to give them back to me. Last week, he went to my daughter's dance studio claiming he now had custody and final say and pulled her from dance. Well the studio owner didn't believe him and contacted the worker who straightened everything out and she's still in dance and will still compete. Yesterday, at a visit, I asked my 9 year old son how hip hop was going only to be told that his dad and aunt (aunt has kinship right now) told him he's not allowed to go. None of them are allowed to go to hip hop, practice dance, stretch, or even be sad or talk about me. Instead, my ex apparently pulled them from hip hop and put them in Cadets instead.

Anyway, I've addressed this with the worker and should hear back soon.

I know 100% my kids are coming home by February.

That said,
I want to have my ex removed from my daughter's birth certificate and change her last name to mine. I know the process to do this. She has also begged not to see him anymore and asked to have my last name.

BUT in the off chance I ever lose my kids to CAS again due to parental conflict (I don't intend to but I'm fighting a narcissist), just so my kids don't end up in foster care, they need a backup legal guardian.

My younger two don't have another parent on their birth certificates. And if I remove my ex who is not biologically my daughter's father from her birth certificate, she will also need one.

Does anyone know the best way to go about this?

I don't think a will would work as that only applies if I'm deceased, and I'm not sure I could make someone legal guardian of my kids without losing custody. I thought about adding my best friend to my younger 3's birth certificate as their parent but I'm not sure if that would be legal or if we'd be heavily audited for it.

Advice?
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Old 12-01-2017, 08:39 PM
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Your scenario is hard to follow. If the youngest 2 aren't his then why does he even see them or have a say in what they do or treat either of them like shit? You said he has access to 3 of the kids... could you establish joint custody of the other 2 with a family member?

I'm more concerned that CAS has your kids. You do not know 100% that they will be home in February. CAS can and will keep remanding the court dates and drag it out. I can tell you from experience. My daughter-in-law lost one child (9 months old) to CAS because of parental conflict. It took her 4 years to get the child back from them.

You typed 1 sentence saying your children have been taken by CAS for parental conflict and 8 paragraphs talking about parental conflict. I find that concerning.

Last edited by paris; 12-01-2017 at 08:44 PM.
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Old 12-01-2017, 09:09 PM
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He has zero to do with the younger two. I have full custody of our 3. He has access. The only reason he has access to the younger one of our 3, is because we were still legally married when she was born. So he got stepparent rights. But I have custody. And I do know they will be coming home in February because we are starting to transition them home this month and they filed in court last week to return my kids back to me. They asked the court for it.



But can we please stick to the question I asked about how to make someone else a guardian of my kids if there is no other parent?
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Old 12-02-2017, 12:07 AM
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You are ramping up the conflict by attempting to change children's names/birth certificates.

If your children want to change their names simply tell them they can do whatever they wish when they are of legal age to do so.

Taking father's name off birth certificate will not change the reality of who their parent is. Like it or not he is their father. I expect your ex, rightfully so, will fight you vigorously on this.

Foster care can be a good thing for children who are pitted between warring parents. Having CAS remove your children is a very serious matter. Instead of looking for ways to get even with your ex, perhaps try some personal counselling.
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Old 12-02-2017, 12:44 AM
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This story has major red flags. Were you separated at the time you for pregnant by another man? Does bio dad see and pay for his offspring. Why does Aunt have kinship of the boy? My friend had kinship of her niece because neither parent was allowed custody due to addictions. It was kinship or the kid was going into foster care.

You want his name off birth certificate but don't want bio dad named? Do you know who bio dad is? Have you always known? Maybe get a paternity test done to prove to the court ex isn't dad and get CS rolling from bio dad.
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Old 12-02-2017, 01:08 AM
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His family has kinship. Not good for you. He has taken the other kids out of dance and put them in cadets. Heís causing conflict. You are trying to take his name off the birth certificate of one child. Causing conflict. You canít take his name off without a court order or him agreeing to it. You canít take his name off while they are in CAS custody. CAS will not give you back your kids until you resolve the parental conflict. They will file papers and tell you they are on your side but drag it out for a very long time.

For your younger 2, you can legally have joint custody with your best friend. If anything happens to you they would take custody of those 2. Your best friend would have to be willing to agree to it, and there would probably be legal mumbo-jumbo added to prevent them from ever having to pay you CS even though they have joint custody. A lawyer can help you file the papers. But you can't do anything until you have the children back in your care.

Just wanted to add for SOTS that kinship is still foster care.

The OP still has her priorities wrong. Perhaps sheíll adjust when February comes and her children still arenít returned.
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Old 12-02-2017, 06:53 AM
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To me foster care is when the kids go to complete strangers.

I would love to know why the OP doesn't want to name the bio dad on the birth certificate.
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Old 12-02-2017, 08:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BRutwas View Post
He has zero to do with the younger two. I have full custody of our 3. He has access. The only reason he has access to the younger one of our 3, is because we were still legally married when she was born. So he got stepparent rights. But I have custody. And I do know they will be coming home in February because we are starting to transition them home this month and they filed in court last week to return my kids back to me. They asked the court for it.



But can we please stick to the question I asked about how to make someone else a guardian of my kids if there is no other parent?
there is the bio dad, unless he has passed.

so lets get this straight. You have 3 kids but only two are his?

You do not have full custody if CAS and the Aunt has the kids. You have access just like him. The Aunt and CAS have custody of the kids.
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Old 12-02-2017, 09:00 AM
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Can this OP spell out exactly who is the father of each of these 5 children? Or at least indicate how many different fathers there are here? I think then it will be easier to follow.


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Old 12-02-2017, 09:49 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
Can this OP spell out exactly who is the father of each of these 5 children? Or at least indicate how many different fathers there are here? I think then it will be easier to follow.


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i thought there was three? The whole thing is so confusing. The youngest has a different father but she was still married to the husband. Not sure if the child is a result of an affair or she and her ex were in the process of separating or what. I still wonder if the bio dad of the youngest knows he has a child out there and why he isnt involved.
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