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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2016, 06:59 PM
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Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
you say the child needs stability and that he is doing good. A judge will look at the fact you are basically ripping the child away from the father.

Look at it this way, if you were the father would you permit it? Better yet, give custody to the Dad and you see the child every other weekend. Not acceptable to you? Then why should it be acceptable to the father and the courts? You need to come up with a better way to make it more acceptable..
SOTS .. you just brought a tear to my eye.
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2016, 07:35 PM
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Here is a recent Alberta Court of Appeal case which may of interest to you:

There was another one where mother was allowed to move across Canada (money wasn't an object). When I find it I will post it.

Here it is (another Alberta Court of Appeal). Be sure to read the headnotes to read the actual trial:
  #23 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2016, 07:46 PM
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Are your parents moving to the US too? I noticed you mentioned you and the child lived with them and they have been active, involved and the child is attached to them, but want to build a family with the boyfriend. Seems you are trying to replace dad's presence with the boyfriend, will his parents be replacing yours?
  #24 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2016, 08:05 PM
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Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
Are your parents moving to the US too? I noticed you mentioned you and the child lived with them and they have been active, involved and the child is attached to them, but want to build a family with the boyfriend. Seems you are trying to replace dad's presence with the boyfriend, will his parents be replacing yours?
That's what I am thinking. The child is stable and happy so why would a judge rock the boat? Giving up grandparents, cousins and basically a father destroys the stability the child has right now. For what? A man who may or may not work out? Yes you may be getting married but that doesn't mean that the relationship will work.

If the OP doesn't like the questions etc she is being hit with then how will she react in a courtroom where someone will be asking the same questions? Stop thinking of your own personal reasons/gains and think of this little child who will be torn from seeing his grandparents everyday and dad on a regular basis. Do you think he cares about the money your man makes or anything like that?
  #25 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2016, 08:08 PM
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Haven't read the whole thread, but I think your best bet is to come up with a plan under which you and your fiance ensure that Dad's access will continue at no cost to him. You should offer to do all the transport and pay all the costs because you are the one who wants to move. Schedules will also have to be adjusted because obviously you can't do a few hours here and there. This will be a hassle because it will require you to cross international boundaries with the child coming and going. But if you're serious about what is best for the child, you'll be willing to do the extra work.

Even if you do come up with such a plan, Dad may not go for it, which would not be unreasonable on his part.

(I'm also curious about mid-30s and already a tenured professor with a six-figure salary - quite unusual - but that's not really relevant to the question of how to balance access with moving).
  #26 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2016, 08:39 PM
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the only problem I have with that stripes is she may say at the start she will do all that then later say its too hard on her or the child. She may get pregnant and say that doing all the transportation is too hard to do with a newborn.

Best for the father to nip it in the bud.
  #27 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2016, 09:03 PM
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Berner Faith, thank you for your post.
I understand that it might be a difficult battle but this is how I view pluses and minuses of relocation for the child.
1. Stable Family Unit.
If my child is to live in a stable loving family, this is beneficial for him. I have noticed how much he was changing when we all spent quality time together during vacation as a family with my son, my fiancée and myself. He was very happy.
2. Sibling. We would like to have at least one more child to make a real family, having a sibling would be great for my son, living in a family and have sister or brother.
3. Even though my personal life is my life, because I have sole custody and because child resides with me, how I feel, how happy or unhappy I am in my life, it all makes impact on my child. Being loved and be happy in relationship with someone who also loves me back and is very reliable and supportive in life is good for me and as extension is good for my son. When his mom feels secure and happy and does not have to work two jobs to survive but rather spends more time with her child, this would make my son happier, I have no doubt about it.
4. Financial situation. I currently live with my parents and this is the only reason we all live in a house, I help them, they help me, house is not paid out, so nothing to inherit for me…there is no way I could afford having even townhouse with prices in my town and my salary. I have mediocre salary and debts from previous legal proceedings. If I was to live on my own it would be some apartment not in the best neighbourhood. My fiancé has job for life and it is well paid, he wants to sponsor us and take financial responsibility for us when we move. My chances of finding job there are similar to what I have here, salary should be similar too. I minimum would triple family income (If I get job in US) compare to what I have here now by myself. And this is situation right now. I think my fiance’s career will go up the hill and his financial situation will only get better in the further years.
5. Accomodations: My fiancé plans to buy a house when we get out of litigation and count what we have left, as soon as we can afford a house, we will be getting a property to own and live in it.
6. Education: school that my kid goes to is assigned to a place where he lives now, it is scored 6.5 out of 10. That town in US where we want to live has some of the best public school in whole of US, they all have high rating and for sure higher than what my son gets here. My town has lots of activities for kids but new place has same choice of extracurricular activities.
Higher education: as resident of US my child could go to one of prestigious Universities in new town where we want to move with discounted rates which apply to local residents. HE would also have a choice of going back to Canada for higher education, if he decides so. He will have US residency card but also Canadian citizenship.
My fiancé graduated from Harvard University and he is a highly educated person. He is a young very promising scientist with lots of awards for his age. I am sure that his career is only starting to go up the hill and bright future awaits him. He is oriented towards providing good education to children and he will help me in giving it to my son be it educational fund to be started or staying home doing homework each evening. I know he will be dedicated this way. Each single evening he spend with my son, he reads and teaches him math rather than turning on TV with cartoons.

11. Healthcare in US can be challenging but University insurance is good, so on average this is same level as in Canada, we will just need to pay for insurance which my fiancée would.
12. Crime rate: same as where I live now

13. Additional help: my fiancés parents are already moving to his town for retirement, they come from California. They want to spend their retirement in one town with us and live close by, they want to help us with raising my son and hopefully the other child that we will have. So, we have extra two pairs of hands in new o’\l2/wn. My son knows them and calls them grandpa and grandma too.
14. Blood relatives: my son does not have any other blood relative from father’s side in my current town other than father himself.
13. Access: I counted, what my son’s father has now in terms of access I can return back by agreeing on driving each second weekend or sharing the distance or maybe driving once a month and the other time father will come and live over the weekend in our new town and spend time with his son. Also, I am ready to give most of summer holidays to father and maybe 2 out of 3 long weekends like Thanksgiving, Easter, etc. This is all discussable as well as father is welcome to come anytime to new place to visit outside regular agreement. It is 4 hour distance and it does not require flight or train. My son’s father is flexible as he owns his business and works when he wants. He is not scheduled Monday-Friday.
Minuses I see in this situation: father will be deprived of frequency of access that he has now, it is either weekly one week or each second week it is twice a week – this is the current situation. However, yearly amount of access will remain the same and also skype and phone will be encouraged.
Other minus: my son won’t have as much communication with his cousins and grandparents but again all of my family plans frequent visits and my parents plan extended visits as they retire in a couple of years and come to visit us for a month or two. It is only 4 hours away.

In addition some general facts: father of the child did not pay Section 7 expenses for the whole year even though order issued a year ago asked him to share them with me. I don’t think it looks good in eyes of the judge when it comes to child’s interests.

I take good care of my child as custodial parents, I found best doctors for him, always go for appointments when he is sick, I take him to activities 3-4 times a week, and he is progressing in different sports and other activities and I pay for it all myself. I attend school meetings, etc and know what is going on in my child’s life very well.

Conclusion: I understand that judge will be waiting pluses and minuses and will try to figure out the better outcome for the child but life is long, and I don’t think that judge will want a miserable mother getting into her 40s, single, with small income, struggling through this life being locked in this town and by extension child will feel it and this will make an impact on him too, the alternative is much better and still can offer good connection of son and his father and a good life for a little boy in the other place, where we can help him to build a much better stable secure future where all important people in his life will still remain.

Berner_Faith, you mentioned a motion. Do you say relocation issue is just one motion? I don’t understand the structure of this procedure. When I do a motion to relocate, would it be again, motion, then some other possible motion from father’s side, settlement, settlement #2, trial conference, trial (I obviously know father won’t give up to the end, as he does care about hi legal bills AT ALL. Even if his lawyer tells him he has very little chance, he will pursue to the end).

Or (if father keeps opposing the move), it could be only several meetings in court and something like hearing of both side with maximum evidence and facts and maybe my fiancée showing up too and then judge’s decision in the end.

Or would it again lead to trial if father keeps opposing and this is the only option? No one so far was able to give me a clear answer and I researched this topic.
  #28 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2016, 09:11 PM
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Thanks everyone for replies. Thank you Arabian, I appreciate your posts.

Reality is not so promising here, father of the child by the way is 15 years older than me, I am 36, he is 51.

My parents are in mid 60s, not in good health, my mother will be doing surgery soon and I don't even know the outcome of it, she is losing her energy on grandchildren, parents get older. We would be 4 hours away, my child is indeed attached to my parents too, but we don't plan to lose connection. And yes, i plan to offer access to father and drive here and reduce child support so he can spend time in new town and rent hotel and pay gas at expense of current child support.
  #29 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2016, 09:21 PM
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Come on guys this is terrible. Stay focused.

Where are you currently living and what are the access aranagements?

Where are you planing on moving to? How far? How is this going to effect the fathers access schedule and what are you willing to do to facilitate any lost time? Will you give him 3 out of 4 weekends every month? Will you give him 5 weeks in the summer ? What is the plan

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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 11-03-2016, 09:22 PM
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just read my post above
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