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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 11-03-2016, 02:43 PM
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Default Relocation case - what the process is like?

Hello
I have the following situation. I have never lived with the father of my child or were married to him. When I got pregnant, he walked away and did not help with anything and was not in touch. He was not originally in child’s birth certificate. I never asked for anything. When child turned 2 years old, I got an offer to do shared custody and certain child support. I decided I can’t agree on it and deserved sole custody. We spent 2.5 years in courts and on the brink of trial he signed settlement agreement and gave me sole custody. HE has the following access: each second week from Friday after school to Monday back to school. Each Wednesday for 4 hours after school but in a year it will be each Wednesday overnight. Holidays are split 50/50 but Summer father has only 2 weeks which should increase to 3 weeks in two years. Father is listed in child’s passport right now and we have a clause which says that I can’t remove child’s residence outside my area without father’s permission or court’s permission
I just got engaged, my fiancé lives in US 4 hrs drive from here. We have been dating for 3 years and saw each other each single weekend driving 50/50. We spent all vacations together. MY child has a good relationship with him. MY fiancée is same age, we are in mid 30s and he is a professor in a prestigious university, it is permanent job for life. I make a moderate income of 50 K, he makes twice more. I currently live with my parents and they were there since my son’s birth, so he is attached to them too. He also has 2 cousins of similar age from my side who live in town. He plays with them often. Father of the child is very wealthy, so when it comes to courts, he takes me there without counting legal fees and to make my life miserable he tries to postpone the process by making unnecessary motions, etc that is why it took me 2.5. years to take sole custody.
Now, since I am engaged and career of my fiancée is in US, we want to build a family and get married and I want to move there with my child. So, I have two concerns. 1.) Which path is best to choose in terms of immigration. Fiancee visa or marriage first and then waiting for green card. MY fiancée thinks fiancée visa is faster waiting time and in terms of responsibility it is same financial commitment from his side as for anything else, therefore he thinks in eyes of the judge being engaged and for him to sponsor us is as serious of a plan as marriage, we will need to get married in 3 months after arriving to US. With fiancée visa we could start application ,then go to court for relocation case and if permission is granted to my child, finish my application, fill in child’s, go through waiting line and enter US

2.) In my eyes marriage is very solid for court case and I wonder if I have more chances to succeed with child’s permission to move if I am married? I don’t know yet technical details about how process itself is like, what is waiting line etc.

3.) I also have many questions about relocation case. First of all how many chances I have, if I bring to the court detailed plan with change of schedule for visitation, I am ready to drive child once a month for the weekend and give him for the other week of the month if father drives or share distance, or agree to reduce child support so father can come once a month and book hotel and spend two night in town where I would live and I will deliver child once a month, plus I can give more time during holidays and in summer too. So, I am ready to cooperate in terms of giving that access back but in a different format.
Father of the child also manipulates his income and keeps reducing it as he owns his own business, by myself here I am a single mother with moderate income, together with husband we have a much solid financial situation. I see it as big plus. In addition, public schools in new place and extracurricular activities are great. Child can still have relationship with father. I know I have extended family here but they can visit there, my mother and my father plan to visit us often. I wonder what court would think of all that considering child has always lives with me?<
4.) I have not got to the lawyer yet and have not started the process but I am confused about what it will be like if father opposes the move. As I understand it should be motion to change from my side. And what it will be like, how long it can take and how costly it can get? We are all in debts despite the fact that we both work because previous process took all our saving and filled in all our credit cards. I hope to do some of the work myself and use lawyer part-time as I can’t afford it all and I want to learn from my mistakes and try to make it shorter this time but I don’t fully understand the process. Would it be motion, hearing, settlement, settlement # 2, pre-trial and trial in case father keeps opposing the move? Or could it be simpler than that? I really would like to understand what it could be like and how long it could take, but no matter how much literature I read on it, it is still unclear to me.

Anyone’s input on any of the topics touched here would be greatly appreciated.
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Old 11-03-2016, 03:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tatyana K View Post
When child turned 2 years old, I got an offer to do shared custody and certain child support. I decided I can’t agree on it and deserved sole custody.
So he made a big mistake, realized it and now wants to be part of his child's life. It's NOT what you deserve .. it's what the child deserves, and that's both loving parents.

Based on this statement, I didnt even read the rest. Good luck
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Old 11-03-2016, 03:12 PM
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thanks for the input but to judge, you need to know details. I was not against him having connection with the child and never will be.
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Old 11-03-2016, 03:51 PM
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Does your fiance has tenure at the university? You state that it is a 'job for life' - please explain.
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Old 11-03-2016, 03:55 PM
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yes, just got tenure
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Old 11-03-2016, 04:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Tatyana K View Post
thanks for the input but to judge, you need to know details. I was not against him having connection with the child and never will be.
I know this detail -----> He asked for shared custody and to adhere to the "maximum contact principle" which is probably best for the child in most cases. He obviously realized he was wrong by leaving.

Unfortunately you said "no", that "you deserve" sole custody. (Who cares what the child deserves)?

Out of curiosity, what were your reasons to deny the father shared custody after he came to his senses? I'm just trying to understand. Was it so that you could move out of the country with your new b/f?

I would've given you the fight of your life for shared custody.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 11-03-2016 at 04:16 PM.
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Old 11-03-2016, 04:16 PM
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Impressive and only in his 30's and a full-tenured professor. Good catch!

Reason I asked that is often people will refer to a good, solid job as a 'job for life' and one has to be careful so as to not intentionally mislead (judges don't like that).

Cases I have read on CanLii often have good solid people like you and your fiance coming to arrangement of very generous access/parenting schedule whereas your child would see other parent frequently. This might either be by way of the two parents agreeing on mode of transporting child (air, car) and parent who wants to move away may. Cost of other parent's out-of-pocket expenses to exercise access would certainly be a consideration.

You might want to read up on CanLii (if you haven't already done so) about mobility cases.

Best interests of the child is paramount. You will see how judges make rulings.
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Old 11-03-2016, 04:21 PM
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Quote:
Father of the child is very wealthy, so when it comes to courts, he takes me there without counting legal fees and to make my life miserable he tries to postpone the process by making unnecessary motions, etc that is why it took me 2.5. years to take sole custody.
He wanted to have shared custody of his child. Hence 2 years of fighting. You said "you deserved sole"...and you "took sole custody". Your terminology is troubling. The process may have been less expensive/stressful had you agreed to try a shared parenting arrangement as 2 loving parents.
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Old 11-03-2016, 04:23 PM
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Well, his father is possessive and controlling and rich, Difficulty is that he hides his incomes, which means, child support is regular but he can pull me to courts for next 15 years...and have money for legal fees. Having this combination, yes, I knew he would stop me from moving and stop me from trying to build a family but this is not sole reason I did not want sharec custody. As time has shown, he has done everything to make our lives miserable, said he makes 30 K while thorough financial disclosure showed it is times more and he signed impute income of 100 K himself because did not want more investigation into his money and he knew court will be very angry at trial otherwise. To win this settlement I spent a fortune and lost a lot of nerves. As he is controlling, even with sole custody now he tries to compromise me as mother, goes to school, goes to family doctor trying to get notes that child is under-developed for his age and says it is because I don't care enough for him, while in fact child is happy, healthy and smart. I was close to situation where best pediatrician in town wanted to refuse to serve my child because his father bothered her so much without any grounds. Now he is doing a motion in court asking to attract OCL, again for the purpose of starting a disaster in our lives, child needs stability, child is doing well. Note, the path I have gone through in previous proceedings has ruined not only me and other people financially, it ruined health of my parents being under stress that they have to sell their house to help me out to win the custody and save the child in my care. In this country, if people are rich and have bad intentions, they can take your child from you by making repetitive FALSE claims in court, like saying that I drive flat tires and it is unsafe, etc, from little to big. Judges are different, some won't listen to this crap, some can listen....I have hell in my life now, if I had shared custody, I would just lose my child one day to his father just because he has so much money.

And yes, even though court order says so, he has not pay section 7 expenses in last year not even single time. He told me child at age of 5 should not go to extracurricular, he is too tired after school.

If he loves the child and was cooperative, from the beginning he would get more from me and we all could have peaceful life, but his only motivation is to make my life miserable, he does not act in child's interests.
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Old 11-03-2016, 04:38 PM
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Quote:
As time has shown, he has done everything to make our lives miserable, said he makes 30 K while thorough financial disclosure showed it is times more and he signed impute income of 100 K himself because did not want more investigation into his money and he knew court will be very angry at trial otherwise. To win this settlement I spent a fortune and lost a lot of nerves.
Money, money money. Does he abuse children? Does he have a file with the CAS? What would inhibit his ability to act as a parent? Hiding money? Geez

Quote:
As he is controlling, even with sole custody now he tries to compromise me as mother, goes to school, goes to family doctor trying to get notes that child is under-developed for his age and says it is because I don't care enough for him, while in fact child is happy, healthy and smart.
Wanting information about your child's "health" is not a controlling behaviour. It's one of a concerned, loving parent. I did the same during my proceedings.

Quote:
Note, the path I have gone through in previous proceedings has ruined not only me and other people financially, it ruined health of my parents being under stress that they have to sell their house to help me out to win the custody and save the child in my care.
Again, why not at least give shared custody a go then? He's trying to be in his child's life and have some rights as a biological parent. You're saying no. You're the reason there is so much court.

Quote:
Now he is doing a motion in court asking to attract OCL, again for the purpose of starting a disaster in our lives, child needs stability
He's not trying to wreck your life./ He's trying to have shared custody of his child. Seems like he's been fighting pretty hard for it. Good for him.

Child needs stability? But you're ready to move them to another country .. away from everything they know...including their biological father who would love nothing more than shared custody. Talk about stability.

Quote:
In this country, if people are rich and have bad intentions, they can take your child from you by making repetitive FALSE claims in court, like saying that I drive flat tires and it is unsafe, etc, from little to big.
I don't know what country you're from, but in this country we don't call wanting shared 50/50 custody of our children "Bad intentions". Ridiculous.

Quote:
if I had shared custody, I would just lose my child one day to his father just because he has so much money
So one of the reasons you won't allow shared custody is because you think you might lose custody because he has money? That's a first for me on these forums. :-)

Quote:
If he loves the child and was cooperative, from the beginning he would get more from me and we all could have peaceful life, but his only motivation is to make my life miserable, he does not act in child's interests.
He would have got more from you? Now this sounds controlling as hell.

People make mistakes. His was to not be involved right away. A graduated schedule to shared, 50/50 sounds like it would have been the best route for the child. In the end, that's all he is looking for...not to make you miserable.

Have a read on "the maximum contact principle" and 50/50 relationships. It's not for everyone..but it is for the vast majority. He doesn't sound like he's ever beat you to a pulp or abused a child.... so this is just another one of those cases that makes my skin crawl.
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