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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 11-04-2017, 08:09 AM
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There are may ways to "tone down" the emotion and vindictiveness at child exchanges for co-parenting, and one of them would be not to serve each other personally. And particularly, not in front of the children during an exchange.

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Old 11-04-2017, 09:02 AM
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Originally Posted by mcdreamy View Post
There are may ways to "tone down" the emotion and vindictiveness at child exchanges for co-parenting, and one of them would be not to serve each other personally. And particularly, not in front of the children during an exchange.

Process servers are not expensive.
that is one thing I do not understand either. When its a high conflict or emotionally charged situation then why serve the papers personally. Its best to keep the out of court face to face things as civil as possible.
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Old 11-04-2017, 01:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mcdreamy View Post
There are may ways to "tone down" the emotion and vindictiveness at child exchanges for co-parenting, and one of them would be not to serve each other personally. And particularly, not in front of the children during an exchange.

Process servers are not expensive.
Never serve her in front of child but not reciprocated. Have always tried to arrange off site, and away from child. I hate to sound like a victim or blame but I can honestly say that from the beginning I've tried to settle, talk, ask to meet to discuss, mediate.. made offers to settle.. never anything in response and have been told intends to go all the way through trail. So I'm sure I don't do everything perfect but Its kind of like what do you do when one person is totally inflexible. And the outbursts in front of our daughter is what prompted me to tape. Everything is about her and what she wants. In her mind i should have just donated the sperm.. send a cheque and disappeared. And I've been with a stable woman for over a year who come to court with me etc, so I'm sure that doesn't help.. but tough.. She got pregnant on purpose to keep me, it didnt work, then its been parental alienation all the way along. I had to bring a motion just to get a copy of our daughters health card after months. So I don't think I can deescalate via being nice. Ive tried. Over and over..

I send her this every week with no reply:

I suggest moving forward that:

a) we use ourfamilywizard.com or similar app (there are free ones such as "2 houses") for more effective communication as to how to share parenting time
b) exchange parenting plans so that we have a better plan going forward
c) engage in a shared parenting 50/50 week-about arrangement (week on, week off) as a child having two homes is in their best interest as per the latest psychological children's studies and in the spirit of the status quo that has been ongoing this past year till you pulled back
d) that we come to agreement on holidays including summer holidays for both parties as well as how to split PA days and school trips.
e) work to come to a final agreement on the above so that we can avoid time consuming court events that only hurt.......
f) always be reasonable and find ways to avoid court, which is the primary objective
g) just like I completed a family post separation course that you complete a similar program so that we can be more effective parents

The ideas I am proposing are completely reasonable and in the best interest of.........
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Old 11-04-2017, 03:40 PM
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I cannot impress upon you enough the importance of keeping this ensuing litigation between the two parties named in your lawsuit: you and your ex. Your new g/f should absolutely not attend any court matter with you. You look weak as well as high-conflict when you do this and yes, judges do indeed notice this.

You are equally to blame in bringing a child into this world. There is no such thing as someone "getting pregnant on purpose" - you obviously did not take precautions.

Trying to control everything and have everything done your way is a pipe-dream.

Have you attended any "parenting after separation" courses?
Have you looked into other ways of conflict resolution?
Binding arbitration is certainly an option.

If you don't want to have ugly scenes then take care to minimize your exposure to your ex. You don't have to text your ex all the time (you shouldn't be texting at all IMO).

If you have any sales background or training you would know that the best way to get someone else to agree to something is to let them think they came up with the idea. I'd suggest you swallow your pride and try this.... give your ex an opportunity to come up with some solutions.
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  #15 (permalink)  
Old 11-04-2017, 04:07 PM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I cannot impress upon you enough the importance of keeping this ensuing litigation between the two parties named in your lawsuit: you and your ex. Your new g/f should absolutely not attend any court matter with you. You look weak as well as high-conflict when you do this and yes, judges do indeed notice this.

You are equally to blame in bringing a child into this world. There is no such thing as someone "getting pregnant on purpose" - you obviously did not take precautions.

Trying to control everything and have everything done your way is a pipe-dream.

Have you attended any "parenting after separation" courses?
Have you looked into other ways of conflict resolution?
Binding arbitration is certainly an option.

If you don't want to have ugly scenes then take care to minimize your exposure to your ex. You don't have to text your ex all the time (you shouldn't be texting at all IMO).

If you have any sales background or training you would know that the best way to get someone else to agree to something is to let them think they came up with the idea. I'd suggest you swallow your pride and try this.... give your ex an opportunity to come up with some solutions.

Fair point on girlfriend. I agree to a degree about impregnating but was lied to about birth control, about getting an abortion etc. Men do not have the same options as women. I have had condoms break. I would have zero choice over abortion. In fact if I wanted to keep a child the woman could abort. I don't agree with abortion at this point in my life but thats a moot point. Its not true that its equal 50/50 because women have far more reproductive options in terms of birth control, abortion, morning after, etc. And outright lying is fraud if not recognized by the courts. Would you feel the same if I poked holes in condom to intentionally get a woman pregnant?

As I say in my last point in my emails (g) I have completed a course and ask my ex to do the same. All options for other resolution have been rejected. I have asked her for solutions many times to which she has said she is not willing to mediate, arbitrate or discuss any matters. Please read what I wrote.
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Old 11-04-2017, 04:07 PM
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BS on the "getting pregnant on purpose".

When the GF stops taking birth control without telling the partner, it's a trap.....good intentions or not.

And yes, leave the new woman out of everything and anything concerning your divorce.
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 11-04-2017, 04:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by piggybanktoex View Post
BS on the "getting pregnant on purpose".

When the GF stops taking birth control without telling the partner, it's a trap.....good intentions or not.

And yes, leave the new woman out of everything and anything concerning your divorce.
Right.. Not a divorce though.. this was someone I was casually dating who lied about birth control, promised if she ever got pregnant she would have an abortion then tried to trap me.. when that didnt work she's tried to alienate me from our daughters life every step of the way.
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Old 11-04-2017, 04:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Doctor Martins View Post
Never serve her in front of child but not reciprocated. Have always tried to arrange off site, and away from child. I hate to sound like a victim or blame but I can honestly say that from the beginning I've tried to settle, talk, ask to meet to discuss, mediate.. made offers to settle.. never anything in response and have been told intends to go all the way through trail. So I'm sure I don't do everything perfect but Its kind of like what do you do when one person is totally inflexible. And the outbursts in front of our daughter is what prompted me to tape. Everything is about her and what she wants. In her mind i should have just donated the sperm.. send a cheque and disappeared. And I've been with a stable woman for over a year who come to court with me etc, so I'm sure that doesn't help.. but tough.. She got pregnant on purpose to keep me, it didnt work, then its been parental alienation all the way along. I had to bring a motion just to get a copy of our daughters health card after months. So I don't think I can deescalate via being nice. Ive tried. Over and over..

I send her this every week with no reply:

I suggest moving forward that:

a) we use ourfamilywizard.com or similar app (there are free ones such as "2 houses") for more effective communication as to how to share parenting time
b) exchange parenting plans so that we have a better plan going forward
c) engage in a shared parenting 50/50 week-about arrangement (week on, week off) as a child having two homes is in their best interest as per the latest psychological children's studies and in the spirit of the status quo that has been ongoing this past year till you pulled back
d) that we come to agreement on holidays including summer holidays for both parties as well as how to split PA days and school trips.
e) work to come to a final agreement on the above so that we can avoid time consuming court events that only hurt.......
f) always be reasonable and find ways to avoid court, which is the primary objective
g) just like I completed a family post separation course that you complete a similar program so that we can be more effective parents

The ideas I am proposing are completely reasonable and in the best interest of.........
first off stop saying that she get pregnant on purpose, yes she may have but unless a condom broke, you had some responsibility there also especially when you interested in someone else. Always take responsibility to protect yourself even when she says she is on the pill or she cannot get pregnant. There are women out there who will lie about it and there are also men who will lie about it also.

Your offer seems good. Remember to put in there days like birthdays (yours and childs) fathers day. For a child so young week about seems too long to be away from either parent, you may want to rethink that or use that as a bargaining chip. You can say you want week about but then seem to cave and settle with a 2,2,3,3, or something. That way she feels like she won something but you still get the child as much as you want, but just more exchanges. Make sure that you have school exchanges when the child is of school age so you and mom wont have to see each other as much.

I agree with Arabian, keep the gf out of it. Nothing good can come from that.
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 11-04-2017, 04:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
first off stop saying that she get pregnant on purpose, yes she may have but unless a condom broke, you had some responsibility there also especially when you interested in someone else. Always take responsibility to protect yourself even when she says she is on the pill or she cannot get pregnant. There are women out there who will lie about it and there are also men who will lie about it also.

Your offer seems good. Remember to put in there days like birthdays (yours and childs) fathers day. For a child so young week about seems too long to be away from either parent, you may want to rethink that or use that as a bargaining chip. You can say you want week about but then seem to cave and settle with a 2,2,3,3, or something. That way she feels like she won something but you still get the child as much as you want, but just more exchanges. Make sure that you have school exchanges when the child is of school age so you and mom wont have to see each other as much.

I agree with Arabian, keep the gf out of it. Nothing good can come from that.
I appreciate the advice!
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 11-04-2017, 05:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Doctor Martins View Post
I appreciate the advice!
one thing I have learned on this site, when its a high conflict situation its best to have everything in black and white on paper. Its best to cover all bases and leave no room for things to be twisted or misinterpreted.

I feel for you, I have two friends who got hit the same way. With both of them I reamed them out about not taking precautions themselves. Yes there are women like that out there, but just remember that not all women are like that. Some of us want a man to be with us because they want to be, not because they feel forced to.
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