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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #71 (permalink)  
Old 11-09-2016, 01:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Tatyana K View Post
He has a very dictating personality and both me and child would suffer from shared custody. Plus he was making lots of faked claims like I drive flat tires , that my parents walk a child through a dangerous parking lot and car can hit him, and it is all not true, etc.
None of this has anything to do with access.

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When person has money and keeps going to courts, he maybe can even take over the custody , clever judge won't believe faked claims but not very clever judge might believe, Who knows, when someone has money to sue, a mother can lose the child.
But it's ok with you if a father loses a child?

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He goes to his doctor obsessively trying to find something to be wrong with the child so he can accuse me after in court on it.
And you know this is the reason because he said this is the reason or you are assuming so you can use that against him?

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Doctor was so upset one day she called me and said if he comes on more time, she will refuse from serving my child.
It is not "your child". The child is his as well. You need to use and get used to using the term "our child".


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Same story in school, teachers avoid him. It is hell even with sole custody, with shared would be more hellish.
The school told you that if he tried to be an active, engaged, informed parent they would stop serving "your child"?

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He kept telling everyone and in court too that child does not eat enough meat and can develop anemia even though leading pediatrician told him she does not think so. Then he started to insist on blood test for anemia, I did it only pressured and scared he will pull me in courts again. Child hardly survived through that, was crying and they could squeeze only 30 % of what they wanted from him, because he was very tense and blood was not coming out. Tests showed he is healthy and fine.
Children get blood tests all the time, especially when their parents have concerns. It isn't a big deal and certainly not something a child would have to "survive".

But in the end, this is still completely unrelated to access in any way. You are looking for any thing at all you can use to prevent him from having more time with the child, yet all of the "reasons" are unrelated to it entirely. You are aware that the "reasons" you have given for him not having the child more can occur whether he has the child for one hour a month or 50-50, right?

Withholding equal access for the child will not solve any of these issues, although I expect that equal parenting with open communication between the two of you as co-parents WOULD go a long way to solve these issues when he doesn't feel that he has to fight to protect every second he has with the child and to be allowed to be an equal parent.

You've been willing to put your child through all of the fighting to keep him away from his father which has resulted in the numerous issues you point out, perhaps it's time to try something different and stop the fight. Let him be an equal parent, learn to co-parent and stop fighting him at every opportunity and watch the dust settle for the kid into a happy, well adjusted life with TWO involved and caring parents.
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  #72 (permalink)  
Old 11-09-2016, 03:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Tatyana K View Post
I did not want shared custody for a number of reasons and future relocation is not sole reason.
Then the alternative is parallel parenting.

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Originally Posted by Tatyana K View Post
He has a very dictating personality and both me and child would suffer from shared custody.
The next alternative the court will consider is parallel parenting. If the other party in this matter has a good lawyer this will be the argument you will face on anything you bring up. Communications are a two way street and as the custodial parent you have to have STELLAR communications. You unfortunately are not even a competent communicator let along STELLAR one.

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Originally Posted by Tatyana K View Post
Plus he was making lots of faked claims like I drive flat tires , that my parents walk a child through a dangerous parking lot and car can hit him, and it is all not true, etc.
This is noise. If you respond to it you just further demonstrate you are a willing participant in the conflict. It makes you no better than him to rely upon and respond to this kind of nonsense. If he cites this in an affidavit simply state that the matters are only brought forward to create conflict and you do not agree to paragraphs x,y,z and that your non-response is not an acquiescence that they are truthful statements and leave it at that.

This is a situation where fighting back will only hurt you. You need to be HUMBLE!

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Originally Posted by Tatyana K View Post
When person has money and keeps going to courts, he maybe can even take over the custody , clever judge won't believe faked claims but not very clever judge might believe.
No argument like the one you have presented above has ever been successful in court that I have ever seen. It has only been successful if the other parent knee jerk reacts to it and takes the conflict from 10 to 11.

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Originally Posted by Tatyana K View Post
Who knows, when someone has money to sue, a mother can lose the child.
Parents in your situation lose custody and majority access when they respond at volume level 11. Don't.

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Originally Posted by Tatyana K View Post
He goes to his doctor obsessively trying to find something to be wrong with the child so he can accuse me after in court on it.
The doctor is a professional. That is a problem between the doctor and the other parent. Don't get involved. The doctor has a governing body and is well trained to deal with nonsense. It isn't the first time nor the last the doctor will have to deal with this kind of nonsense from a parent.

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Originally Posted by Tatyana K View Post
Doctor was so upset one day she called me and said if he comes on more time, she will refuse from serving my child.
Which is the doctor's right to do. They can fire clients. It only works to your advantage if you have to find another doctor because of the other parent's conduct.

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Originally Posted by Tatyana K View Post
Same story in school, teachers avoid him. It is hell even with sole custody, with shared would be more hellish.
Actually, it may be less hellish with joint custody. That way you won't be blamed for everything. The other parent will be equally involved. This is where a lot of the materials are wrong about joint vs sole custody. Often times sole custody creates a power imbalance and the other parent fights for equality.

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Originally Posted by Tatyana K View Post
He kept telling everyone and in court too that child does not eat enough meat and can develop anemia even though leading pediatrician told him she does not think so.
Let him argue nonsense. The more nonsense the better for you. Don't respond. Let the professionals testify to the facts of the matter. Don't get involved and don't inflame the situation.

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Originally Posted by Tatyana K View Post
Then he started to insist on blood test for anemia, I did it only pressured and scared he will pull me in courts again.
Again, consent to the blood work. It won't harm the child. In fact the results could end the argument immediately.

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Originally Posted by Tatyana K View Post
Child hardly survived through that, was crying and they could squeeze only 30 % of what they wanted from him, because he was very tense and blood was not coming out. Tests showed he is healthy and fine.
The child's reaction to testing and the blood draw is not related to the family law matter. That is a typical reaction. Especially if it is the first time. Having blood taken is not an easy thing for a small child. But, the long term result of having a positive test is better in the long run. Try to make the experience as pleasant as possible.

You have a lot of learning to do. You have too much anger. Also, the eastern European in you comes out too easily. Don't debate every little thing. I know it is very natural for you to do this. It is what makes Eastern Europeans so awesome. But, in family court it works against you.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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  #73 (permalink)  
Old 11-09-2016, 03:03 PM
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Thanks Tayken, I will take your advise into consideration)
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  #74 (permalink)  
Old 11-09-2016, 03:03 PM
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Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
Withholding equal access for the child will not solve any of these issues, although I expect that equal parenting with open communication between the two of you as co-parents WOULD go a long way to solve these issues when he doesn't feel that he has to fight to protect every second he has with the child and to be allowed to be an equal parent.
I'm living proof. Since equal parenting my ex and I have communicated VERY well. Something changed when it was all 50/50. My ex decided to put the child before her wants and needs and she sees how happy, healthy and amazing D5 is with both parents there equally.

TK .. we're not here to give you a hard time. We actually really care about the well being of the child.
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  #75 (permalink)  
Old 11-09-2016, 03:19 PM
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I'm living proof. Since equal parenting my ex and I have communicated VERY well. Something changed when it was all 50/50. My ex decided to put the child before her wants and needs and she sees how happy, healthy and amazing D5 is with both parents there equally.
I suspect that it was the elimination of "stress" that comes with court. The whole win/lose nonsense that courts ultimately create. If you eliminate that often parents return to normal.
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