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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 01-06-2015, 11:53 AM
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Default Question re Ex Doing his Own kind of Service

My ex is self-representing and so am I.

His current method of serving me is to put something in my home's mailbox (located outside and on my front porch) then text me that something is there.

I have texted back: You recognize that this is not an acceptable form of service"

His reply is "I will let the judge decide that."

What are my options? Can I refuse this as service?

Is not refusing it then implying that I am accepting it?

I don't know what he is saying in his affidavit of service.

Our trial is in less than 2 weeks and I expect more documents served like this.

I can't take the time to go to check the file at the courthouse as I am working on deadline to get things done for trial. Do they keep all affidavits of service in the file?

Would I have to add the affidavits into the trial record?

I spend $ on courier to have proper service with proof of it for all of my documents.

Your thoughts and suggestions are very welcome
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Old 01-06-2015, 12:05 PM
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Is it causing any problems?

Is he lying in his affidavit of service, e.g. indicating he has received confirmation of receipt?

Last edited by dinkyface; 01-06-2015 at 12:07 PM.
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Old 01-06-2015, 12:06 PM
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I would suggest you two be reasonable and accept that service by email between you with a "read receipt" or a reply confirming you received a document.

Fax is also normally an acceptable form of service.
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Old 01-06-2015, 12:16 PM
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He's dishonest and works in IT so he can very likely fake that he's emailed me when he hasn't.

He could probably fake that I didn't serve even if I did, so that's not an option, but thanks for the suggestion.

To me, there's reasons for rules, otherwise everyone would be doing it whatever way that they felt like.

I live less than poverty level and I pay for courier to keep it simple, effective and accountable.

He makes $85 k. Even when I had a lawyer, he paid a process server to serve me personally 3 different times (just to be a jerk) until a judge ordered him not to, while we were in court on a separate motion.

It's all a game. My question is, can I make it stop and make him follow the rules? Will the judge care?

Neither of us has fax as an option, thanks for that suggestion too.

Last edited by lancelot; 01-06-2015 at 12:18 PM. Reason: addition
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Old 01-06-2015, 12:33 PM
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So you can ask that he emails it, and that he must receive an acknowledgement from you before he considers it served. YOU know when you send acknowledgement, and it's a bigger lie for him to claim you did when you didn't.
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Old 01-06-2015, 12:35 PM
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Your ex should be using a proper form of service - but is this worth making a big deal about? Process serving can take a couple of days, especially if the person being served is difficult to locate, so with a trial coming up so soon it may be in your interest to have the documents sooner rather than later, even if they were not served correctly.

If he gives you notice that documents are in your mailbox, I would accept them and send him an email stating when you retrieved them, what the documents are, and reiterating that you would like him to use proper service (he can also used any third party to serve the documents on you - could be a mutual acquaintance or family member who is wiling to sign an affidavit of service - it doesn't need to be a professional process server).

Something like this:

"I received your email at 2.30 Monday afternoon. I retrieved the documents from my mailbox at 4.45. The documents consisted of xxx, xxx and xxx. I will read and use these documents but I do not consider them to have been correctly served. In future, I would like you to serve documents according to the rules of formal process serving through a third party or a professional server as my mailbox is not a secure site".

You can't keep him from putting documents in your mailbox, but you can establish what your expectations are. Whether he lies in his affidavit of service is not really your issue, unless he's delivering documents late but claiming he got them to you on time.
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Old 01-06-2015, 01:00 PM
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Thank you.

The first time he did it, he texted me that our 15 year son had put something in the mailbox so I looked. It was 9 documents, not even in an envelope so I questioned why he would use our son to do that.

Ex answered that it was a ruse to get me to the mailbox as "mailbox, text and watch you retrieve the documents is my only option to serve you."

I have an anxiety disorder from years of his bullying so knowing that he's outside stalking and waiting to observe me (probably with his cell phone camera) is pretty upsetting to me.

Thank you for your help
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Old 01-06-2015, 01:46 PM
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Why are you even communicating with him via text at all? Shut that shit down, communicate via email, phone if emergency. But allowing him to text you is giving him free access to you at his whim. Texting is Great if you're amicable, but is absolutely unnecessary especially if you aren't.
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Old 01-06-2015, 02:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lancelot View Post
Thank you.

The first time he did it, he texted me that our 15 year son had put something in the mailbox so I looked. It was 9 documents, not even in an envelope so I questioned why he would use our son to do that.

Ex answered that it was a ruse to get me to the mailbox as "mailbox, text and watch you retrieve the documents is my only option to serve you."

I have an anxiety disorder from years of his bullying so knowing that he's outside stalking and waiting to observe me (probably with his cell phone camera) is pretty upsetting to me.

Thank you for your help
Well, no it isn't. Can you agree to be served by a mutual acquaintance at a specified place and time (i.e. have Johnny serve me the papers at the Second Cup at 2.30 on Wednesday)?

If you really don't want him around your house, agreeing to be served somewhere else by a third party might be a worthwhile option, and takes care of the question of whether this is legitimate service or not. However, this would take time to set up, and if you're going to court next week, you may not have the time.
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Old 01-06-2015, 07:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
Why are you even communicating with him via text at all? Shut that shit down, communicate via email, phone if emergency. But allowing him to text you is giving him free access to yvou at his whim. Texting is Great if you're amicable, but is absolutely unnecessary especially if you aren't.
Agree. Block his number for text on your phone and only except emails. Ignore his stupid games. Thats what fuels him to aggrevate you. So like any other bully the best thing todo is ignore him.

Last edited by Beachnana; 01-06-2015 at 08:10 PM.
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