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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 12-25-2005, 01:42 PM
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Default thank you

It was shorter than I would have liked,
Our son was very clingy again, he is really making sure that Daddy loves him, and I obliged the whole time and I recieved lots of hugs and kisses from him, he is such a good boy.
We opened up two presents and had ginger bread cookies and apple juice, at least it was +2 out which made it more manageable for us.
Her parents were rather good with me, and it was surreal.
Anyway, he did call me last night and thanked me for all his gifts, and sang a part of a Christmas Carol with me as well, he called again today and his Mom tried to get him to talk, he did , but was very excited needles to say. This morning was very rough, not being there to watch him and enjoy his joy.
At least I know that he is happy.
This is the hardest thing Ive ever been through.
My ex knows that I am a softie, I just hope that she knows the kids need me as well.
Thank goodness I am not a drinker.
Sticking to the hot chocolate.
Merry Christmas everyone.
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 12-25-2005, 11:45 PM
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Separation & divorce are one of the most painful experiences in ones lives, especially when children are involved. I'm happy for you that your morning with them, although too short, was memorable. Keep in mind that this is also a difficult transition for the children, especially your son who is old enough to try and make sense of this, but too young to completely understand. Children just want to love both Mom & Dad. You sound like a very caring father.

I hope you have contacted a lawyer and know your legal rights as a parent. Don't be too much of a softie, when it comes to custody & access.
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 12-26-2005, 12:07 AM
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Unhappy Thanks,

Yes,
I have retained a good lawyer, and I am told that my ex- is speaking through her wounds, both from our marriage and prior- emotionally.
My son did not call me this evening at all, I expect he was very tired from a very happy day though.
He was bouncing off the walls when I spoke to him albeit briefly earlier today.
Tonite I just sat in front of the fire at my parents place and stared and stared thinking of all the memories I have of him and his little sister.
I truly put my heart into the children and them way ahead of myself, as I believe it should be.
I have never cared or loved for anything in my life the way I do for our children.
I keep getting told that it gets better, that I will see them more etc.. it is just very hard to do so at this time.... I was such an involved Dad with them, and I terribly miss, being around them.
Thanks for the support, don`t get me wrong, my ex has her issues, I am just not completely to blame for our marriage failing and she knows very well I was a great Dad to the kids, and she is a great Mother.
I know that she as I am told is going through her own feelings of loss etc,, over this as well.
I am trying very hard to be compassionate about the whole mess.
It is difficult, as I have said prior to this, I just do not foster or hold onto anger.
Appreciate the words though.
Cheers, and Merry Christmas.
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 12-26-2005, 10:59 AM
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You sound like a great Dad Aden. I am sorry to hear about your situation. You keep saying she is a great Mom and yet she's not giving you much access to your kids which means they are losing out. A great Mom puts the needs of her kids above her own feelings of anger.
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 12-26-2005, 11:44 AM
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Default you are right.

Yes I agree, she (my ex) has had a huge switch this past week, which is not as per who she normally is, and I strongly believe that her family has had a huge influence on her this past week, she says that she just cannot see me, that it hurts too much and for her sanity she has to back off.
I truly belive that she is a good Mom and I am hoping that she is just having a bad week, is all.
She knows I miss our children tremendously, I know that, and she did try and have my son call me yesterday morning but that is not cutting it... I can tell the little guy is trying to figure out what is going on and just does not understand. that is really upsetting and frustrating, I keep being told to be tough, and fight for my rights, she has no reasons except her own anger and upset to hold them back from me. It is frustrating since she had been very good with me up until Thursday then boom... it all went to ....
She has even told people that I was a great Dad to our kids... I don`t know what to think to tell the truth about all of it.
I am told that she will be up and down for a long time.
I am being told by many that the first year is a huge change for all involved and that she and I will both go through many ups and downs.
We always agreed to be there for our kids no matter what, but it is starting to look shaky now.
I truly appreciate all the advice and support from everyone, this is terribly difficult for me, I love our kids more than anything in the world, it has been hard enough dealing with no having my ex in my life as a freind.
Missing the kids is like nothing I have dealt with before,
I thank you so very much...
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 12-27-2005, 12:06 AM
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Aden, I don't know what to say except, hang in there! This too, shall pass. I hope you're right that your ex is just having a hard time of all this right now, and will go back to being reasonable for the kids' sake.

Jeff, just wanted to thank you for clearing up my misconceptions about "costs". I started a reply to that thread a few days ago, but the boys got into a mess, and I had to run; sorry 'bout that. I do appreciate the information.. knowledge is power, right? I'm trying not to be too hard on my attorney; I know he's got other clients and issues, too.
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 12-28-2005, 05:16 PM
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Default Sorry Sasha

Sasha,
I just realised that I kind of hijacked your thread, sorry about that...I will be more aware of that next time,
Cheers,
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 12-28-2005, 05:41 PM
FPI FPI is offline
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Default Know how you feel

Your situation sounds so much like mine. My wife left back on March 15th,2005. It was the worst day of my life.

I have a little 5 year old boy and a 9 year old girl, they are my true gems. I lived for these kids and would give anything to make them happy.

This past Christmas my ex had her lawyer send me a letter stating that I could see them Christmas eve, we had such a great time together. I told my daughter to tell her mom I had Monday and Tuesday off and would like too have them be with me those two days also, somehow she agreed. Unfortunetly, my ex and I are not on talking terms. We both have lawyers and most of our talking is done through them. I will be attending a case conference in February, my only hope is that the judge grants me 50/50 visitation.
On Monday evening my son says too me daddy I'm having a dream that mommy was here too, I want mom and you together. That almost killed me. I wish my ex could see the harm that our seperation has done to our children and somehow find it in herself to come back. I treid severel times to get her to come back home, but she flat out refuses to have anything to do with me.
When I dropped them of I handed her a letter that shows how much our legal fees could go up too, she responded by saying " who's fault is that" I can't believe her she's the one that served me, and refuses to back off. Her lawyer is asking for everthing. Spousal support, Child Support, A list of all my overtime that I done over the last two years, Copies of my dads will since half the house is under my dads name, Soul custody and more.
I know 2006 will be a bad year for me, I will haveto hand over everthing I worked hard for to her. My life savings and more.
But as bad as the year will be I promise I will always be there for my kids.
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 12-28-2005, 05:59 PM
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Default feel for you

I cannot imagine how that made you feel.
I can only relate through my own experiences.
Our son asked my ex two weeks ago if she missed me, right before bedtime....
She called just to tell me and was she ever uspet..
He is only 3 yrs old.
I tried everything including several mediators but no avail.
I find that the way I can hold on is to take the small things in stride, my small one today was our son calling me for 15 minutes....
But I am thankful for that.
I am about to go from making about 50.000 a year to around 20.000 now,,, since I have lost my job at the outset of this mess.
I wish you the best and this forum is a great place to vent and get great -non mud slinging advice.
Everyone is great here.
Take care.
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 12-28-2005, 11:10 PM
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FPI,

Not communicating with the ex and having everything go through counsel is very expense. Can you try a communication book, or e-mails so it's less confrontational? Not communicating can also be a tactic to getting sole custody. i.e. "We just can't get along so joint custody wouldn't be appropriate".

Also, I hope you don't get your hopes up too much regarding your up coming court date. Often, when the two parties can't agree it goes on to a Motion. Judges don't like settling issues at a Case Conference unless both parties are in agreement.

I hope everything works out for you.
Grace
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