Prepare Prepare Prepare

[hubby]

OK ... whenever something stays on my mind, it needs to be discussed.

DecentDad mentioned in one of his posts ... that if someone is in the midst of seperation/divorce .. the best thing to do would be to prepare, prepare and prepare.

So heres the scenario. You suspect your spouse may seperate/divorce you. It's been said or mentioned. However, no papers have been officially served to you. You have kids and reside in the same house.

So what would you do to best prepare yourself for that day when you do get served papers?

I'll get the ball rolling ...

1. Journal things ... times, events, what was said and done.
2. Do not move out of your home.
3. Maintain relationship with kids.
4. Pray
5. Educate yourself about the process
6. Check out some lawyers in the area
7. Get your financial in order (Lindsay)
8. Gather Account statements (Lindsay)
9. Gather Insurance Policies details (Lindsay)
10. Gather and store all Household expense receipts (Lindsay)
11. Status Quo and Defacto (Decent Dad)
12. PO Box (Decent Dad)
13. Freeze Joint accounts (Decent Dad)
14. Know your stenghths and weakness (Decent Dad)
15. Watch for legal jargon from spouse, an indication that spouse is seeking counsel from a source (Excellent one Decent Dad)


Excellent, keep em coming!

Hubby

[Lindsay]

It's a good idea to start putting together your financial documents. Financial disclosure can be a very overwhelming process, so getting started early will help alleviate some of the stress that comes with dealing with this.

If you are unsure of the date of separation, start with organizing your income tax returns and notices of assessment and/or reassessment for the past three years. Keep all of your pay stubs together. If you own a business, organize your financial statements and tax returns for the past three years.

If you don't have your personal income tax returns, you may obtain these from the CCRA. There are also kiosks that you can visit that will allow you to get this information through an automated attendant. In Ottawa, you may obtain copies of your personal ITRs at:

333 Laurier Avenue West
Ottawa, Ontario K1A 0L9
Hours: 8:15 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.

If the date of separation has been agreed upon, start collecting statements for your accounts that cover the date of separation. Statements that show your name and account number are best. You will also need date of separation statements for any life insurance policies and a summary showing the details of each policy.

If spousal support is an issue, it's a great idea to organize your receipts. Trying keeping different envelopes or folders for groceries, clothing, home maintenance, etc. This will give you or your lawyer a good idea of what kind of expenses you are facing each month. It will also help support any high reoccurring expenses you may have, such as medical expenses. If child support is an issue, collect your receipts for any special or extraordinary expenses.

Lindsay

[Grace]

I found filling out the Financial Statement an overwhelming task.

You can get a copy of the Financial Statement (Form 13) on the following web site and have a dry run at completing it, before going to the lawyers.

http://www.ontariocourts.on.ca/family_court/forms/

[bearall]

Great link Grace....wish I had that site earlier

[Decent Dad]

Depending on your circumstances, you may want to look at freezing (or locking?) joint accounts, including savings, chequing, LOC's and credit cards. You may be hit with half the debt run up on these joint accounts, unless you can prove otherwise. Better safe than sorry.

I would also suggest getting a PO box. Nothing like a letter from the lawyer ending up in your ex's hands.

Assume the worse. Sure, it could all work out amicably, without lawyers or court. Maybe even getting away with a month or two of mediation. But think the worse and know your weaknesses (and strengths). Be aware of what will hurt you (your case).

Finally, watch for signs that things are going sour. I knew I was in trouble when my ex stopped talking about our children and the plan, and started to use words ilke: matrimonial home, primary caregiver, primary residence...

[Decent Dad]

oh... another good word... status quo. No two words have destroyed so many children and apaents.

[hubby]

DecentDad,

How would one go about 'freezing' or locking joint accounts when the participation or consent from both parties is required? So, how does one protect oneself from the other half?

Hubby

[Grace]

Hubby,

I believe you need a court order to freeze assets, at least that's what happened in my case.

[polar]

Originally Posted by Decent Dad

oh... another good word... status quo. No two words have destroyed so many children and apaents.

Im trying to work this one out.
How has that destroyed families?

[hubby]

Originally Posted by polar

Im trying to work this one out.
How has that destroyed families?

Status Quo meaning courts do not like to 'disturb' things as they are for the kids. They like it to remain the same.

If you leave the home and do not spend time with your kids and all and your spouse does, that becomes the status quo.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

Hubby