Pre- Separation question concerning Loco Parentis

[Chrysalis68]

I think that I am heading for a divorce. My husband suddenly wants nothing to do with me or the kids anymore. I even found on his visa statement that he signed up for for an internet dating thing..
Anyways, here is my situation in a nut shell.

1. We have been together for 7 years (married 41/2)
2. I have sole custody of my 3 children from my previous marriage. ages 10,12,14
3. He totally acted as a parent to the kids. He attended school and sports activities. Any day to day stuff with kids, vacations. The kids even use his last name hyphenated whenever possible. My son even calls him dad.
4. He is now suddenly withdrawing himself from the family dynamics. Won't have much to do with us. won't help with anything, comes home, eats and then goes upstairs to the bedroom for the rest of the night.
5. He won't speak to my 14 year old at all. He started to call her names and just constantly picked on her. One day she said to him "you know, what you say to me has an effect on me for the rest of my life! So now he won't have anything to do with her.

I guess my main question is how do I prepare myself and the kids? I honestly feel like there is some kind of motive behind how he is acting. Could he walk away from any kind of support responsibilies if he suddenly says "my relationship with the kids is over and I'm not a parent to them anymore?"
The stress of all this is so unbearable for both myself and the kids. Nothing makes him happy.
The next big issue is that we are going to lose everything! I make 24,000 and he makes 120,000. I don't want to move. I put the down payment on the house, I had all the furniture,appliances etc. He came into it with nothing. The area that we live in, if I was to rent, I would pay more monthly then what I would for my mortgage payments.
My emotions are all over the place. My heart is breaking.Can someone please let me know what he could be planning? How can I protect myself and the kids?

[ForwardFromHere]

I'm not sure what I can say that might help, but if there is anything I have learned about men, it's that they are cowards when it comes to breaking up. They won't be the ones to do it, unless it's under extreme circumstances. He's likely hoping his behaviour will evoke a reaction in you, and that you will make the decision to end the marriage. In my situation when I told my husband that things weren't working and I felt it was over, he asked me, "Is there somebody else?" and I said, "Yes....Rachael." Rachael was the girl from his work he was having an affair with.

So, I guess my advice would be, if you can't live with the way things are right now, why not ask him if he wishes to seek counseling with you, or if he wants to end the marriage? Try to keep the conversation calm, and without blame, and maybe you can find out what his thoughts are.

I was in a similar situation, having property and savings compared to his having nothing when we were married. When you are preparing your financial disclosure during a separation, there are places to claim your assets before the marriage, so you would be able to claim all that you entered the marriage with. From what I can see with his salary, you would receive a decent amount of support. And I would tend to think that In Loco Parentis does apply in your situation. If the subject of finances causes you great concern, you could find a lawyer to speak to (maybe a free consult?) and he would tell you more about the position you would be in. You will feel better after hearing what a lawyer can tell you about your specific situation.

I'm sorry that you are going through this. It is a tough situation to be in. Keep your head high, be strong (you are stronger than you think), and try to always take the high road.

[dadtotheend]

Originally Posted by ForwardFromHere

...if there is anything I have learned about men, it's that they are cowards when it comes to breaking up. They won't be the ones to do it, unless it's under extreme circumstances.

Hmmm, did you mean that if there's anything you've learned about the men in your life as opposed to the other 3 billion of us?

[ForwardFromHere]

Originally Posted by dadtotheend

Hmmm, did you mean that if there's anything you've learned about the men in your life as opposed to the other 3 billion of us?

Well, that would be a given now, wouldn't it? Being that I haven't met the other 3 billion of you??

[dadtotheend]

Well then, rather than tarring us all with the same brush, you should have been a little more careful with your stereotypical generalization.

[About_Time]

I don't think I was cowardly about breaking up when I told my wife to get out and get lost

[ForwardFromHere]

Sorry. I was 'speaking' directly to the OP when I was typing, and I was trying not to single out her man (whom I also have not met, but by the description meets my definition of "coward"), by making a suggestion of what might be going on in her situation. I didn't mean for anyone to take it so personally!

Really, a coward is defined as a person who lacks the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things. Any divorce/break-up is definitely unpleasant, and in some cases dangerous!!

Would it help if I mention that I don't consider lying, cheating cowards to be real men, anyway? Now a sensitive man is another thing altogether.....

[NBDad]

1. We have been together for 7 years (married 41/2)

2. I have sole custody of my 3 children from my previous marriage. ages 10,12,14

3. He totally acted as a parent to the kids. He attended school and sports activities. Any day to day stuff with kids, vacations. The kids even use his last name hyphenated whenever possible. My son even calls him dad.

All of this is relevant towards a claim for CS. HOWEVER, playing devil's advocate here...do the children currently have a relationship with their BIO-Dad? Is HE paying Child Support at all? If not...why not? Your argument for CS from step dad is weakened if Bio-dad is not contributing. You need to pull HIM into things OR expect your STBX to do so.

The next big issue is that we are going to lose everything! I make 24,000 and he makes 120,000. I don't want to move. I put the down payment on the house, I had all the furniture,appliances etc. He came into it with nothing.

The second the two of you married, that all becomes irrelevant. Straight equal split unless you have a pre-nup. You MAY be entitled to SOME spousal support, but it wouldn't be for very long. Maybe 2 years if you are lucky.