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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 10-05-2015, 07:28 AM
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About a week ago I went to pick up my son. When we arrived home my ex called him on his cell (yes she bought him a cellphone, he is 8) and he said something that caught my attention. He asked her is it OK that I sleep on my bed next time and (bf) on the floor. She yelled at his and said don't lie that you slept on the floor, didn't I tell you that you will lose me if you speak about such things. Then the little one told me that he slept on the floor, on a blanked and pillow while her bf slepton his bed. (She has an apartment now with 2 br but 1 br has no bed yet).

So I called her back and I said I can get her a mattress for the kid (borrow the money) and that's when the hell broke. She started yelling at me that it isn't true and so on. She is too afraid of cas I think. I didn't wanna bother to ask why her bf don't sleep on the couch because maybe it was a one time thing or maybe kid slept there for an hour or so....

She said she is coming over to my house to teach the kid a lesson. I had my sister and her H for visit. I said don't even dare, if you wanna talk about it tomorrow is ok, or some other day. She said I'm coming, I said don't, I wont open the door. 30 minutes later she calls again and said Im coming. She called when she was standing in front of my door. I didn't even hear the ring bell. One of the kids opened the door.

When she entered the house she made a hell. Started yelling at the child, punched me 2x in the abdomen. I took my phone from the pocket and dialed 911. She yells at the child "look your dad wants to put your mom to jail" I told my sister to move the kids to another room and distract them but she punched her 2x as well in the arm. The problem was the police was too slow asking me bunch of questions and then transferred me to dispatch who questioned me again.

When I got off the phone I took the child and turned on his video game which he likes just to distract him, in his bedroom. The ex was talking quietly to my bro-in-law (she was saying how the child often complains that she is neglegent when she is not) and I just said, you made a problem without a reason tonight. She said you were going to take child from me by calling cas and make me a negligent mother. I said I never told you that, although I don't like your parenting I never got involved what happens in your home and as much as I think you deserve EOW I can't do it because of the kid, even if I could make it happen legally.

Police arrived, if I was her, they would IMO handcuff me immediately but they were all very polite at least. The officer who spoke to me asked me what do I want them to do with her. I would love have her arrested but because of the little one, no way. I would never do something that hurts him. I said to police that she never enters my home without my permission.

So that was the drama. I would like to see what you guys think about it. Should and can I get police report? Something like this never happened to me before. After that incident when she phoned the child she was very polite and is trying hard to talk to me via phone or text because she maybe thinks what she did may look bad on her or that I can start some legal process. Even if I wanted IDK what and how.
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Old 10-05-2015, 07:59 AM
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she assaulted both you and your sister, have her charged. She cannot do that. If it was me she would be charged.

Its up to you in the end if you want to let it go. Be warned that if you charge her and change your mind later, I don't think you can have the charges dropped.
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Old 10-05-2015, 08:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
she assaulted both you and your sister, have her charged. She cannot do that. If it was me she would be charged.

Its up to you in the end if you want to let it go. Be warned that if you charge her and change your mind later, I don't think you can have the charges dropped.
I would charge her standing but, the child....
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Old 10-05-2015, 08:52 AM
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First thing...the cell phone has to go during S8 time in your home. That what caused the issue. She can call him from home phone or your cell. This is a way to cause issues and it did.

Adults have to be held responsible for their actions and Op made the choice to go to your home and to assault not just you but your sister too.

Op not being held responsible for her actions now shows S8 that all that what she did was ok and it's not. What would you say to S8 if he did this to another kid at school and you got called by the principal....better yet S8 says it ok since Mom did it? By not holding OP responsible he sees that it ok to be assaulted and that it’s ok to hit.

Have her charged. Life is about hard lessons and not just doing things that are easy.

You keep on say but the child....that is the best reason to do it.
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Old 10-05-2015, 09:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
she assaulted both you and your sister, have her charged. She cannot do that. If it was me she would be charged.

Its up to you in the end if you want to let it go. Be warned that if you charge her and change your mind later, I don't think you can have the charges dropped.
I agree that you should have her charged immediately and your sister should as well. This needs to be stopped immediately and you are not able to stop it yourself. You are not doing the child any favour by letting this continue.
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Old 10-05-2015, 09:19 AM
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Sorry to hear about your shit-show.

There would be a police file # - make sure you get the file number. When the police left did they give you a business card? Usually they put the file number on the card. You can get the file number by calling the police detachment.

Your options might include having her charged with assault or getting a peace bond. (you don't need lawyer for either).

Important thing is that child is not exposed to violence and that you do whatever necessary to ensure he is not in this situation again. I think the only way you can do that is to ensure that she is cannot come to your house again or call and harass you.

Yes CAS will likely be involved - and they should be IMO.
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Old 10-05-2015, 09:48 AM
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Having her charged probably won't change anything regarding your custody/access situation, but it can have consequences to your ex in the future (eg job prospects and travel) which could negatively impact your kid later. If you have the police charge her, it will cost her a bunch of money, which is again, taken away from the kid ultimately)
The peace bond worth sh*t, and it will just make the exchanges unnecessarily difficult.
Yes, the cas will be involved, the police automatically notifies them, but maybe not much good will come out of their involvement.
If there is an outstanding issue between you, I would try to make a deal and I would offer her to "forgive" this slip if she gives in.
Remember: divorce is a war, and sometimes winning a battle means losing the war. So chose your battles wisely.
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Old 10-05-2015, 09:59 AM
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To do nothing is exactly the sort of thing CAS would/should be interested in. You have an obligation to protect your child. Making "deals" with someone who barges into another person's home sends the message that the perpetrator will not be held accountable for their actions.

Yes exchanges may be difficult for the parties in the future. Protection of the child is paramount and perhaps the two warring parties have to be "inconvenienced" for a while.

IMO these two have had way too much contact with each other since their separation. This is an example of how continued texting and phone calls between separated parents (who apparently have no boundaries) encourages sub-par parenting.
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Old 10-05-2015, 10:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
To do nothing is exactly the sort of thing CAS would/should be interested in. You have an obligation to protect your child. Making "deals" with someone who barges into another person's home sends the message that the perpetrator will not be held accountable for their actions.

Yes exchanges may be difficult for the parties in the future. Protection of the child is paramount and perhaps the two warring parties have to be "inconvenienced" for a while.

IMO these two have had way too much contact with each other since their separation. This is an example of how continued texting and phone calls between separated parents (who apparently have no boundaries) encourages sub-par parenting.
Would your ex have let you bully your way into her home assault her and a member of her family in front of your child without consequences?? Not a snowballs chance in hell!!

If what you heard your ex say to the child over the phone and in person at your house about lying is any indication of how she treats him, WTF do you think happens when child is alone with her??

I know you are trying to protect your child by making excuses for your ex but you are also telling ex and child that there are no consequences for her abusive behaviour towards child and others.

Suck it up and lay the charges. As I was told by CAS, your responsibility is to PROTECT your child and STOP making excuses for ex's bad, now violent behaviour.
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Old 10-05-2015, 02:22 PM
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Have her charged. It's miserable, but if she isn't charged, she learns that she can get away with assault and violence without any consequences. She will escalate this behavior if there are no negative outcome for her, and THAT will be the worst thing for your child.

(Also maybe have an age-appropriate talk with your kid - explain that Mom did something very wrong and so she will get a consequence from the police, just like kids at school get a timeout or a punishment if they misbehave, but she still loves him and he will still get to see her, even though she made a big mistake).
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