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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 05-22-2015, 09:06 PM
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If they put u in jail call me and I will bail you out.
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Old 05-22-2015, 09:10 PM
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After Links17 bails you out please keep us updated. Will be interesting to know where your kid ends up living.
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Old 05-22-2015, 11:19 PM
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Really and truly , how do you think the police are going to "enforce " a visitation order with an older child? If they so much as lay a finger on them they can be charged with assault. If the child is kicking, screaming while they are being dragged away it would also be assault. At that age the kid can also run away from the other parent... In fact at age 14/15 if they run away from both parents and refuse to come home the police won't force them back.
Your ex can take you to coutt all she wants. The judge may call you a bad parent and slap costs against you. Your lawyer may insist you "HAVE TO" comply with
the court order but will not tell you how the hell to get a defiant 14 year old to comply. If you happen to have a stubborn 6foot , 180 lb teen who says NO, call me...I'll bring the popcorn because this I want to see!
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Old 05-22-2015, 11:55 PM
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Yeah let's make the new parenting cut-off mark dependent upon the size/height of the child. Once a child reaches a certain height they can do what they want. Really?

I don't think it says much for a parent who encourages their children to disrespect the other parent. Enabling a child (who very well may be 6' and weigh over 200) to disobey the other parent is wrong IMO. But then I realize we all have different values and I'm certainly not in your shoes. Must be tough but surely there is a way to get through these difficult times in a civil, respectful way?

This reminds me of the old debate about whether it is best to "break" a horse or "train" a horse.
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Old 05-23-2015, 08:12 AM
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I'm not advocating letting a teen do whatever they want. There are all kinds of families and situations. In 99% of circumstances the right thing to do is encourage your child to go on visits with the other parent when they are teens. There gets to be a point where you can not "force " them and neither can the police. At that point all you can do is be patient and continue to encourage them to maintain some form of communication and keep the lines open.

At 14/15 they are at an age where they fall through the cracks. Parents are supposedly responsible for them until age 18 yet if they let's say run away and go live with a friend and the friend's parents, the police will not force them to return.
Kids whose parents are abusive to them will often refuse any contact with the abusive parent as soon as they are old enough. They often shun the abusive parent for life no what a family court judge orders. The kid who is forced to go to visits with an abusive parent eventualy takes matters into their own hands and stops going.
If there is no abuse involved it may be just a teen stage they are going through. They'll get over it.
If the kids are subjected to further trauma and abuse by being forced to go to a parent who is terrorizing them then more power to the kid for putting their foot down and saying no!
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Old 05-23-2015, 09:09 AM
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See heres where I dont agree with the "I cant force my kid...." argument. Thats what my partners ex pulls. AFTER shes lied to them about their horrible monster of a father and his new gf who is trying to be their mother. Shes amped them up and because theyre "old enough" they dont have to even talk to him. Its both parents jobs to encourage a relationship. You dont get to make a decision that is the courts responsibility. Encourage your kid to adhere to the agreement but work on changing the order.
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Old 05-23-2015, 09:59 AM
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Finally after months of encouragement my S13 is visiting more regularly with his mom to the point where he asked for 50/50 again - coinciding with a punishment at my place strangely enough. I told him to keep up the every second weekend into the fall and we'll discuss. Current agreement holds. He's finally back on his feet at school and socially and mentally better.
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Old 05-23-2015, 02:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
See heres where I dont agree with the "I cant force my kid...." argument. Thats what my partners ex pulls. AFTER shes lied to them about their horrible monster of a father and his new gf who is trying to be their mother. Shes amped them up and because theyre "old enough" they dont have to even talk to him. Its both parents jobs to encourage a relationship. You dont get to make a decision that is the courts responsibility. Encourage your kid to adhere to the agreement but work on changing the order.
Really not the same circumstance.
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Old 05-23-2015, 04:41 PM
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Default Police called - what rights does my son have?

Im not comparing the situation. Im saying you cant pull the "i cant force my kid" argument because its bs. You have an agreement with your ex. Its a court order. You CAN force your kid. You also can CHANGE it. Hell look at the other poster (I think plainnameddad) who moved back to the city and is now in the process of changing his order to have his 14 yo live with him. You follow the rules and you get it done. You dont break the rules and then point fingers or say its the kids fault. You are the grown up. If you and the ex cant reach an agreement together you go through the process to change it. Period. In the meantime, you dont break the rules because you dont want to fight or you want it easy. We all can pretty much guarantee that if his ex decides to take court action, it wont look good that he disobeyed an order.
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Old 05-23-2015, 04:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
There is a known fact that kids of the same gender are better off with parents of the same gender
?? Where did you get this 'known fact?'

Kids are better off with the more reasonable and well-grounded parent instead of the selfish, neglectful, abusive, addicted, personality disordered parent. Gender is irrelevant.

An opposite-sex parent may be well-advised to make sure there is a good same-sex role model in the child's life, an aunt/uncle, new partner, coach or teacher, etc, but to assume the same-sex parent is automatically the best is ridiculous.

As for the poster's problem, I would not want to teach a child it's okay to ignore legal agreements or court orders. Tell the child that it's important to keep your word, so you are going to do so and hope he will cooperate, but you will begin the legal process for changing the agreement.

If the child holds a teenage temper tantrum about not going back to his mom's, deal with it the same as you would for any other rule-breaking. Loss of privileges, grounding, missing a favourite activity, etc.
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