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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 05-22-2015, 10:18 AM
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Default Police called - what rights does my son have?

Hi, I have been fighting for 50/50 access for my son who is now 14 yrs old. My ex has always had the upper hand. Now we have an order, but my son is 14. If he wants to spend more time with me or overnight even, how much power does the ex have to enforce the order? The police came last night (first time this happened) but they did not demand to see my son. I presume because it was midnight and I told them he was sleeping. (They asked if he was sleeping.) They just scolded me and told me they did not want to have to "be back". They told me I'm not following the order. I'm liable because I won't tell my son to go back home ?? (I live 5 km away from my ex)

Does anyone have any experience in this type of matter? Will they harass my son and drive him back home if he tells them no?

thanks!
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Old 05-22-2015, 11:04 AM
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You encourage your child to follow the order. As a parent you are in charge. Yeah, the boy may want to stay with you longer and I am sure you'd love to keep him. But you need to lead by example and let him know that it is time to go to your ex's as she wants to enjoy her time with the boy as well.

This is a learning tool for your child. They need to learn that a) court orders exist for a reason and we are supposed to abide them (ie. the rule of law is actually important) and b) that in life we don't always get want we want (or else, I'd be on some Caribbean beach with Shannon Elizabeth handing me beers instead of in my 10x10 office on a Friday).

Will the police do anything? No, not until the ex takes you to court for contempt and seeks an enforcement clause, make-up time and costs against you. If you persist in allowing your kid to make the rules, you may even lose custody in one shape or another.

What you are doing is denying your ex parenting time under the guise that it is the child's wishes. The child is a child. You are the parent. They may get to state their feelings, but ultimately you are the one with final say.

Explain to your kid that their is a court order that you must abide by. That you'd love to spend more time with him, but that you are sure his mom would as well. That you will see him soon enough and he can call if he wants to chat. Then you take him to your ex's. It sucks, for you and the kid. But that is life and the law.
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Old 05-22-2015, 11:08 AM
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This will be interesting to hear what others say. Funny how when kids reach 13/14 and they say they dont want to see an access parent its ok when in many cases its because of the custodial parents influence. When the kid WANTS to see non custodial parent suddenly cas the police and everyone else shows up.

Someone else on this forum had a similar situation with their daughter and theyre changing their agreement via the courts. I cant remember who it was though. Scroll through a few of the posts from earlier this year. Its a dad with his 14 yo daughter and she came to live with him.

May need a motion to change the order.
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Old 05-22-2015, 11:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
This will be interesting to hear what others say. Funny how when kids reach 13/14 and they say they dont want to see an access parent its ok when in many cases its because of the custodial parents influence. When the kid WANTS to see non custodial parent suddenly cas the police and everyone else shows up.
IMO, there should be no difference in treatment. The parents need to abide the court order as they are the parties to it. To do that, it means transporting the child to the ex for their parenting time. Doing things we may not like as part of following the laws is part of being an adult.
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Old 05-22-2015, 11:33 AM
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I echo what rockscan says. That's exactly my situation. Now that he's old enough to resist the pressure and threats of reprisal/retribution from his mom, now everybody is all over us to enforce the order. I don't think its my legal duty to drive him to his mom's by the way. I don't think its responsible to remove a 14yr old from your care against his wishes. That's just my opinion.

I do agree I need to file a motion to change and get a social worker to get testomony from him to submit as evidence. But I assume I have to wait until I am in court to ask the judge to allow the worker to do the interview?

I imagine if our child was 16 or 17 this would not even be a conversation.
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Old 05-22-2015, 12:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harold Callahan View Post
I echo what rockscan says. That's exactly my situation. Now that he's old enough to resist the pressure and threats of reprisal/retribution from his mom, now everybody is all over us to enforce the order. I don't think its my legal duty to drive him to his mom's by the way. I don't think its responsible to remove a 14yr old from your care against his wishes. That's just my opinion.
While I understand that this is your opinion, the fact is that there is a court order (or agreement). We don't get to ignore the fact that the order exists because the child becomes some mystical age. Unless the order specifies that the kid can choose a certain age, they can't.

Yes, both parents should appreciate that the child is more mature and provide more flexibility in the parenting arrangement. But if the parents can't agree, than you default to the order and go from there. Because until the order is changed one is obliged to abide by it.

Quote:
I do agree I need to file a motion to change and get a social worker to get testomony from him to submit as evidence. But I assume I have to wait until I am in court to ask the judge to allow the worker to do the interview?
The motion is the correct remedy. Once you have a new order, than you go by those provisions. I am not aware of the steps you have to get the child's testimony submitted as evidence, but I am sure there are others more suited to that.

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I imagine if our child was 16 or 17 this would not even be a conversation.
IMO I don't agree. That is like saying a 30 y/o should be able to ignore a court order requiring them to do something, simply because they of an age where they can say they don't want to. Age is irrelevant. The fact is that the order exists and has specified that parenting arrangements. Until the order is changed you, your ex and the child, are expected to abide by it.

There is no magic age to lawlessness.

Last edited by HammerDad; 05-22-2015 at 12:23 PM.
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Old 05-22-2015, 12:52 PM
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Whether the order is to pay support or for custody, your opinion of it is irrelevant. You can express your opinion in court all you want to the judge when you go to have it changed.

HammerDad is correct - you should lead by example.
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Old 05-22-2015, 12:58 PM
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I wasnt recommending not filing proper paperwork for change, I was just pointing out how funny it is that many CP pull the bs "the kids dont want to see you so Im not following the order" attitude but the moment a kid wants to spend more time with NCP, CP suddenly has the power to call police/CAS etc to prevent that. I agree orders are orders and are there for a reason.

Definitely get some paperwork going so youre not breaking any rules. Kids attitudes and feelings change. It sucks that some parents cant work together for the benefit of their kids.
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Old 05-22-2015, 01:29 PM
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Don't listen to these people. Hammerdad is an EoW dad and he is happy about it.

14 year olds can decide where they want to live. In Quebec, the judge does what 14 year olds say.

File a motion to change custody but don't oblige your kid to go back.

If the police come to your door again unless they are there to enforce an order of the judge (i.e: the judge has ordered them to do X, Y or Z) or respond to a criminal complaint or suspicious behaviour ask them to leave immediately.

If your ex files a motion, go to court - explain to the judge your son wants to live with you and why, he is happy, not in danger and you feel like it would have negative long term consequences to force him back and you have filed the paperwork to make it official. If the judge wants to force your kid back let them do it, make your kid hate the system more.... Don't be their tool.

If your son has the ability/confidence have him come to court to. Let the judge tell him to his face.

These strangers in black robes want to tell your kid to not live with you even though he wants to and you are a good dad? Why?

Judges are former lawyers and lawyer are one of the most mistrusted professionals in the world. They are also all there to keep the family court system running as it provides 30% of the case load for these good for nothing losers.

Last edited by Links17; 05-22-2015 at 01:34 PM.
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Old 05-22-2015, 02:08 PM
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Why bother to even go to court if you aren't going to follow court orders? You would expect your ex to follow the court order if you were successful would you not?
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