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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 02-19-2017, 03:05 PM
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I believe he sponsored his wife to come to Canada.

Is she at all employable? Does she have basic education?

Mild depression does not equate to 'checking into a mental health facility' for treatment. Get real. Doctors prescribe anti-depressants like candy as a sort of "fix all" like Valium was prescribed back in the 50's and 60's. Not everyone can tolerate anti-depressants. Some people only need to be on anti-depressants for a short period of time and after that they experience adverse effects. I think it would be prudent to find out, exactly, if she has been correctly diagnosed and then go from there. If need be, get a second medical opinion.
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Old 02-19-2017, 03:23 PM
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A large variance of advice here,

I have not posted for 7 years, my gradual relationship breakdown has some similarities and i treated it passively. It ended up with a mother 7 provinces away, with custody and myself to pay c s and s s.

Its great you care for the family, ethically its admirable.From what i have read, the odds are not favourable ,im sorry, and she could at some point long to re attach with her home country for many reasons.

Im sorry to have to echo the last posts, time to start documentation and understanding that the likelyhood is that whether its 3 months or 5 years, this relationship will not last, the emotional and financial falling out is probably beyond what you are thinking.

my advice, go ahead , get her whatever help needed in the short term, with full
documentation , this could assist custody arguement when you are fighting for your child. Begin mentally to prepare that this relationship will likely fail and and take steps to protect you and the child.

your already on the hook for some spousal support, might be time to accept that at some point you will need to plan an exit strategy in your future,

eat well and have exercise, good luck in your decisions.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 02-19-2017, 11:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
You are getting some crappy advice.

Your wife is a massive liability. She doesn't work, she's mentally unstable. When you eventually get divorced, you are going to have to support her financially for a very very very long time.

There is almost no value in helping her. If you do succeed, she probably will still be an unemployed loser, but now she will be stable enough to take your daughter from you. If you do not succeed, you have wasted time and money and you will have to support her for a longer time after the marriage ends.

Convince your wife to check into a mental care institution for treatment, then once she is in take the kid and leave. If she asks to see your daughter, insist on supervised access only, for the safety of the child.

Without child support, your wife will now have to actually get a job. At the end of the day, this is better for you, better for her, and most of all better for the child.
Now THIS is bad advice. The OP says he loves his wife and clearly cares about her well-being (taking her for trips back to his home country, spending time with her while she's in hospital, etc). If his wife can get her moods stabilized, with medical help if necessary, that would be preferable to divorce. And telling the OP that he should "insist on supervised access only, for the safety of your child" makes no sense. His wife is looking after the child all day, if there were any threat to the safety of his child, why would he not have done something sooner?

Depression and homesickness do not make her an unfit parent.
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Old 02-20-2017, 10:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Mild depression does not equate to 'checking into a mental health facility' for treatment.
I'm not trying to help the wife. I'm trying to help this father before he loses his kids and his money. The point is to convince her to take some time away from the kids, and then to use the courts to attack her while she is at her weakest.

eg.

1) Claim fear for children's safety
2) Use fear to get interim custody
3) Use fear to get exclusive possession of matrimonial home
4) Use temporary possession of kids to get child support
5) Use child support to pay for lawyer to smash opponent

Basically, he needs to act like a typical "primary custody" parent.

Everyone on this forum knows that this is the way to win at family law. You are recommending a way for him to give up his very temporary advantage. Screw that. If he wanted love advice he should have visited a different forum.

Talk About Marriage Home

Over here, we talk about how to successfully navigate the shark infested waters of family law, not about how to rehabilitate your pathetic unemployed worthless spouse.
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Old 02-20-2017, 10:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stripes View Post
And telling the OP that he should "insist on supervised access only, for the safety of your child" makes no sense. His wife is looking after the child all day, if there were any threat to the safety of his child, why would he not have done something sooner?
That's why you get her diagnosed with depression, to provide a medical basis for your "fear", so that you can push the supervised visitation. The idea is that everything was cool until things went wrong, and now that things are wrong you are taking steps to save the kids.

It is like suddenly realizing right after you separate that your husband has "anger issues" and that he shouldn't be around the children. Yes he was fine with the kids before but now you are really really really afraid for the children.

Supervised visitation is like winning family law before you even step into a courtroom. It is possible for the sidelined parent to recover, but it isn't easy.

Quote:
Depression and homesickness do not make her an unfit parent.
Wait, I'm confused, are we talking about real world or family law world? In real world, I totally agree with you. In family law world though, while it doesn't make her unfit, it certainly makes dad a more palatable interim custodial parent, which can be stretched into a permanent custodial parent.

That said, if OP wants to lose his kids, lose his home, and pay CS and SS, he is more than welcome to follow your advice.
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Old 02-20-2017, 01:05 PM
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..yeah.. depression is a common thing in this country. you shouldn't be suprised.. the government and the system screw over people all the time.. there are a lot of shady people and crooked lawyers and judges in Canada. lots of fraud and scams and really really nasty weather.

no point trying to help her , I tried that and it got me nowhere, shortly after I was being called the cops on for harrassment and accused of domestic violence in the courts.

get a lawyer, get sole custody, give her supervised access subject to expansion upon therapy.

Don't let her mess up your daughter and your life. Focus on your relationship with your daughter. Your wife said she doesn't want to be with you, don't waste your time and energy.

and Once you're done, tell her "welcome to Canada"

Last edited by trinton; 02-20-2017 at 01:09 PM.
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Old 02-20-2017, 01:05 PM
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Assuming the poster is not WASP (White Anglo Saxon Protestant), I can see some notable problems:

- poster sponsored his wife to come to Canada
- does she even speak English?
- how does someone get supervised visitation after living together without incident?
- she would most certainly get a free legal aid lawyer who would line her up with a translator and encourage her to have family come and stay for an extended/indefinite visit in the matrimonial home.
- her legal aid lawyer would make sure that she was enrolled in a series of "newcomers" seminars and she will learn, very quickly, what she has to do to protect herself.
- if her husband isn't too much of a prick she may allow him some "supervised" visits with a family member present.

I think this is how things realistically will play out if the poster gets aggressive.

Oh, did I mention, she will get generous free legal aid and they will be sure to not to "stress out" the young mother and therefore not rush for any case conferences...
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Old 02-20-2017, 01:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
- does she even speak English?
Not his problem.

Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
- how does someone get supervised visitation after living together without incident?
her mental health state is toxic to the child, she was prescribed edication and she didn't follow the doctor's instructions.

Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
- she would most certainly get a free legal aid lawyer who would line her up with a translator and encourage her to have family come and stay for an extended/indefinite visit in the matrimonial home.
good for her


Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
- her legal aid lawyer would make sure that she was enrolled in a series of "newcomers" seminars and she will learn, very quickly, what she has to do to protect herself.
good for her


Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
- if her husband isn't too much of a prick she may allow him some "supervised" visits with a family member present.
no merit to impose supervised access to dad, supervised access should be imposed to mom given her mental health state and failure to take prescribed medication, and just stopping medication randomly when she feels like it and getting suicidal thoughts

Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I think this is how things realistically will play out if the poster gets aggressive.
that's why he needs to get a lawyer before the mom ruins his life and his relationship with his daughter




Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post

Oh, did I mention, she will get generous free legal aid and they will be sure to not to "stress out" the young mother and therefore not rush for any case conferences...
they don't give a rats ass about mom or stressing out mom, the child is their only concern. If dad get's a good lawyer anyways.

ps. legal aid lawyers are generally low paid and crap.

Last edited by trinton; 02-20-2017 at 01:17 PM.
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 02-20-2017, 01:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
That's why you get her diagnosed with depression, to provide a medical basis for your "fear", so that you can push the supervised visitation. The idea is that everything was cool until things went wrong, and now that things are wrong you are taking steps to save the kids.

It is like suddenly realizing right after you separate that your husband has "anger issues" and that he shouldn't be around the children. Yes he was fine with the kids before but now you are really really really afraid for the children.

Supervised visitation is like winning family law before you even step into a courtroom. It is possible for the sidelined parent to recover, but it isn't easy.



Wait, I'm confused, are we talking about real world or family law world? In real world, I totally agree with you. In family law world though, while it doesn't make her unfit, it certainly makes dad a more palatable interim custodial parent, which can be stretched into a permanent custodial parent.

That said, if OP wants to lose his kids, lose his home, and pay CS and SS, he is more than welcome to follow your advice.

In the real world, you can't "get her diagnosed with depression". It's not like buying something off eBay. It's a medical diagnosis that's made by professionals on the basis of symptoms presented by the patient, not the husband walking in and saying, "hey, I think my wife's depressed, can you write up a diagnosis for me?".

This is yet another thread which is being derailed into bitter opinions about how women use family law to screw over men, the system is biased against fathers, etc etc, lather rinse repeat. Could we perhaps have a forum called Women Are Bad And Mean To Men And Family Law Just Doesn't Care, where some of our regular posters can hang out and share with each other, clearing out space on some of the more useful threads?
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 02-20-2017, 03:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stripes View Post
This is yet another thread which is being derailed into bitter opinions about how women use family law to screw over men, the system is biased against fathers
My post was almost entirely non-gendered. If you see it as a gendered post then that is likely your own preconceived notions at play.

I did give an example of a supposedly violent husband, which I probably could have described as a violent spouse instead. I apologize for that indiscretion. The stats do indeed show that women resort to domestic violence just as often as men, and it was improper of me to assume that a violent individual would be male.
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