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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 02-18-2017, 12:23 PM
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Hey guys,

I got married in 2012 and sponsored my wife to Canada and she landed here in Feb 2015, we have a daughter and she is 15 months old. My wife is not working and she is home with the kid and I work full time but for the past year I have been noticing that my wife has changed alot. She fights with me sometimes for no reason or for a little thing. Sometimes she curse our daughter and I have begged her please don't do this but she still does it, I took her to the doctor with me and they prescribed her with some depression medicine. One day she was out of medicine for couple days and she tried to suicide by telling us that she will take a whole bottle of medicine and I will kill my self. I feel really sorry for her and I do my best to help her out, whenever she talks to her family on the phone backhome she is always happy with them she does video calls but with me always in a bad mood. Sometimes she drives crazy to a point that I just go in the car and start crying, lately whenever I go to work and think about my daughter I get tears and start crying cause other day she was telling me that J don't wanna be with you. I just bought a house last year so they can be happy and I am a hard worker since high school, never got into any problems. I don't care if she takes half of my house but I want my daughter on the other side I feel sorry for her too, she was hospitalized for 2 days and I was with her in the hospital, I wanna help her but I don't know what to do, I love my daughter so much, and she is never happy with her mother too, whenever I come home she always comes to me and play with me, but my wife doesn't even like that and she always says she loves you more than me even though I gave her birth, GOD forbid if we divorce who is gonna get the custody.

Thanks for any information.
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Old 02-18-2017, 12:27 PM
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I would start by getting her to the doctor to have him examine her medications. Often antidepressants need to be titrated up or down or changed altogether. Some antidepressants have side-effects which are unpleasant, and in some cases, dangerous (thoughts of suicide). Get this sorted out and go from there. You will have to be patient though. A referral to a mental health specialist might be in order.
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Old 02-18-2017, 12:37 PM
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Hi,

Thanks for reply, yes the hospital did setup an appointment for next week to see a psychiatrist. Hope everything works out but in case if she doesn't wanna stay with me anymore, would you have any idea who would get the custody of our kid.

Thanks again for your reply.
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Old 02-18-2017, 12:43 PM
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Hi,

Thanks for reply, yes the hospital did setup an appointment for next week to see a psychiatrist. Hope everything works out but in case if she doesn't wanna stay with me anymore, would you have any idea who would get the custody of our kid.

Thanks again for your reply.
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Old 02-18-2017, 02:56 PM
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Take it slow. Medication changes typically take a considerable amount of time before any noticeable difference/improvement.

People with mental illness (and who are under care of a doctor) successfully raise children.
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Old 02-18-2017, 04:01 PM
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Does your wife have a job, or many social contacts with friends outside the home? For many people who immigrate to Canada, staying alone at home with the children can be very isolating, which can produce symptoms of depression. You say that she sounds happy when she talks to her family at home - does she have friends here that she can spend time with? Is it possible for her to go out more and meet people while you look after the child? Maybe through a faith-based organization or a community centre?
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Old 02-18-2017, 04:23 PM
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Hi there,
Thanks for the replies, no she is not working but yes she does have social contact with friends also I am off 2 days a week and I do go with her for a lunch or dinner or we go for shopping etc. When she talks to her family she talks to them in a good manner and also I do send cell phone credit to her family back home like I do my best to support them, also I have told her that this summer we will go for a vacation back home, I really love her and my daughter but I hope she gets well. I always tell her to go out for a walk cause there is a park and some shopping plazas by our house, but she gets lazy for that. I am gonna try talking to her and see if I can enrol her in a course or something.

Thanks
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Old 02-18-2017, 07:28 PM
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Good friends are really, really important. Encourage her friendships with other women.

If possible encourage her to do some entertaining and invite people to your home. Perhaps her self-esteem needs boosting. Start by complimenting her on some small things (acknowledge her activities... cooking, cleaning, child-care). A woman never gets tired of hearing positive remarks.

Bring some humor into your lives. Family face-painting day or something else which I'm sure others on here can suggest.

Find out when people from your cultural community get together and make sure your family is included. Once the weather is warm you can find out where everyone likes to go for family picnics/outings. Get her thinking about these activities (forward thinking, positive things).

That's my 2c worth.
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Old 02-19-2017, 12:18 PM
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You are getting some crappy advice.

Your wife is a massive liability. She doesn't work, she's mentally unstable. When you eventually get divorced, you are going to have to support her financially for a very very very long time.

There is almost no value in helping her. If you do succeed, she probably will still be an unemployed loser, but now she will be stable enough to take your daughter from you. If you do not succeed, you have wasted time and money and you will have to support her for a longer time after the marriage ends.

Convince your wife to check into a mental care institution for treatment, then once she is in take the kid and leave. If she asks to see your daughter, insist on supervised access only, for the safety of the child.

Without child support, your wife will now have to actually get a job. At the end of the day, this is better for you, better for her, and most of all better for the child.

If you don't do this, she will just do it to you, and she will be more effective at it. Weak, unemployed women are the most powerful people in family law. Don't for a second think that you will get any reward whatsoever for being "nice" or "helpful" or "understanding". It is horrible, but in family law, if you are considerate, you get punished for it.

You can help your wife after you have your daughter and your divorce. Until then, any help you provide will only hurt you in the long run.
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Old 02-19-2017, 01:25 PM
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What Janus writes it sad, but true.

The less your wife does, the more you pay.
The longer your wife doesn't work, the longer you pay.
The older your wife is, the more you pay, and the longer you will pay.

You are in what will be called a "traditional marriage" which means you will be royally screwed if it ends in divorce.

If your wife gets treatment and it helps her, you must get her out of the house, working, and integrating into society. If she doesn't get treatment that works, you have some hard decisions to make. I don't envy you.
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