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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #41 (permalink)  
Old 03-08-2006, 12:38 AM
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Chances are,

You sound like you are going through what I have been going through -- Jenny, I did not say I do not believe in spousal support under no circumstances -- not true, I even stated before that I do have a conscience and I still feel guilty for ending this marriage. But I believe spousal support IS for a spouse who has given up his or her career to care for children, has been out of the workforce for say, 10 or 15 years, and has no employable skills. Otherwise, an adult is an adult and an adult who is employed IS and SHOULD BE responsible for him/herself!!

I begged my ex to go to school, apply for better jobs. HE VEHEMENTLY refused. FOR YEARS. He believes SOMEONE else should work hard and pay his way through life.

CHances are, I wish my ex had your morals and scruples. My sister calls him a Pimp, because he has no problem taking money from women (myself and his mommy) who work hard.

I don't even make that much more then him. $30 grand -- and that is before taxes. He does not care where he lives either, in fact, before we moved to this nice big home we lived in a semi that was falling apart and in which he couldn't be bothered to do anything to fix it up. It was my doing to move here. I LOVE this house, my daughter loves this house and he never wanted to move here. Seriously, as long as he has a cigarette in one hand, and a bingo dabber in the other, he could care less where he resides. HE DOES NOT NEED MY MONEY TO SUPPORT HIMSELF!! Many families live on less then $35,000 per year!

I have attempted to negotiate with him, telling him I want nothing from him, don't want child support, he can have every single thing in this house. But he is not willling to be reasonable.

I am all for supporting someone who is truly needy, as in the situation I mentioned above, or if the spouse is really disabled and can not work. As for a perfectly healthy adult NO FRIGGIN WAY!!

Just to continue with what Kim was saying...Jenny, to be honest, you are a bit brutal at times and I did feel somewhat attacked by you in your earlier posts. Your latest one to me though was welcomed and appreciated. Go easy on us, huh? We are not in a good frame of mind, the depression is also eating me up. Because of my ex, I do not trust men and have no desire to "date" or have a relationship.

Good dad sounds like a great father. Sure his wife stayed at home, but what is stopping her from being responsible for herself?? It was her choice and I don't think anybody should be responsible for another adult once a relationship is over. Maybe in her case, and those like her, the other spouse could pay for a couple years of re-training? I don't know and I don't feel sorry for her, because I went to college full-time when my son was only 18 months old and I basically attended 4 years of night school classes as well while my children were young while working full-time. SO these people who expect to be supported it is just because they are lazy and lack ambition and our great Canadian law is allowing it.

Something has to be done, and the sooner the better.

Customgal
  #42 (permalink)  
Old 03-08-2006, 12:53 AM
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I do open my mouth pretty wide sometimes I call it how i see it and yes it does get me in trouble sometimes. Open mouth insert foot( and I have big feet lol)

But what I basically was getting at was that the law is how the law is. Yes it can suck sometimes and It is supposed to be gender neutral and often isn't. People don't like hearing the cold hard reality some days( hell I don't lol- fantasy is MUCH better to live in some days ) And I am soooo with you - I can't even think about dating at this point in my life

Something tells me that gooddad's wife is never going to go back to work. Be it her disablity, laziness whatever - if she would rather be on welfare( i mean really who would?, imo) she has dug her heels in and will see this to the end. Plus with welfare and legal aide involved - she may not even have a choice in the matter( at this stage I would be she would) There was a case where one spouse was disabled- knew it at separation, signed an agreement ... then later became further disabled and on disability. Disability basically went after the spouse for support. Even though she didn't want to . Kinda scary ain't it?

jenny
  #43 (permalink)  
Old 03-08-2006, 12:56 AM
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btw I commend you for all your get go in going back to school - that rocks and you should always be proud of that! Personally I think you are setting a great example for your daughter.
  #44 (permalink)  
Old 03-08-2006, 09:05 AM
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Kimber... My thoughts exactly. Well said.
  #45 (permalink)  
Old 03-08-2006, 12:34 PM
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Customgal

I understand your frustration so well. Like you, I feel that there are instances that spousal support is necessary. In my case, I am mostly angry and frustrated that my ex is using a dubious disablility to try to get out of working and/or eventually becoming self-sufficient.

I want to make something very clear, I was married to her for 17 years and not one single day of those years did I EVER see her in the condition she now claims to be in and cannot work as a result of. She was diagnosed with very mild fibromyalgia and her doctor recommended that she get more exercise and eat better. She did neither. About once a month she will complain about an ache, but this has never stopped her from going shopping, taking our son to the park or meeting for family dinners. This woman is NOT disabled. It is so ridiculous that it makes me crazy with friustration that this could be what will give her indefinate support. My sister in law is a doctor, has known my ex for 20 years, and when I told her that the ex was trying to say that she couldn't work because of the supposed dsability, my sister in law rolled her eyes and said "you've got to be kidding" furthermore, mutual friends have seen her out and about on a daily basis looking great and quite tanned and healthy. Yet, in her court paperwork my ex says that she is unable to work because she's disabled. It's so sickening.

I was wondering something. Last year, twice within a 6 month period, my ex left my son with her family ( wouldn't leave him with me even though I begged ) and took two trips out of Province to the casino city with girlfriends, which lasted 4 and 5 days. Should I mention this to my lawyer? I mean, if she's able to go off on these trips then doesn't this show that she's doing pretty good in the health department? I think this is also useful information in showing the court how uncooperative she is being with me accessing my son. At the time that she took these trips I was living in the same town as her. The first trip she outright told me that I wasn't getting my son and the second trip I didn't even know about until after the fact. She left my little boy with her sisters and parents who are elderly, all while here I was, wanting to see him so badly and begging for that contact. Now she is saying that she wants me to have "reasonable access with reasonable notice" and I am argueing that her idea of reasonable is not going to work given what history dictates...such as what I just told you above. I am asking for specified access and I pray to god I will get it! As it stands right now, I cannot even talk to him on the phone as she refuses to answer. I am so worried about what this is doing that little boy. It appears I am going to have to paint a very clear picture to the judge showing her refusal to cooperate with the access issue and my son. Any suggestions as to how I can do this effectively?

Gosh I write on and on .... ha!.....bear with me, I'm getting better!
GDGM
  #46 (permalink)  
Old 03-08-2006, 01:54 PM
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GDGM,

What a terribly frustrating situation you're in.

I'm sure a lot of us have heard this one before: Please tell your lawyer *everything*! The best way to do that is in writing. This makes things much easier for lawyers and their staff to keep track of the relationship history of the parties, both before and after separation. What may appear as irrelevant information to you could end up being significant information to your lawyer!

Lindsay
  #47 (permalink)  
Old 03-08-2006, 11:41 PM
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Hi Gooddad,

I would say if you can, or have witnesses to the fact, get affidavits regarding your ex and the fact she is making her disability out to be worse then what it is just to screw you over. Have your sister in law, the doctor, write out her opinion that there is no reason why she can't go to school or hold down a job.

It may not do anything, but I would like to hope that it will make her look less credible, lazy, etc. I have people doing that for me regarding my ex's drug and alcohol abuse and gambling addiction. My lawyer said I would not be obligated to pay for his addictions, so hopefully these affidavits will help me some.

I still don't understand how come we have a law here in this country of plenty where adults are not responsible for themselves. But what sickens me more then that is the PEOPLE who use and abuse and take these GUIDELINES (for spousal support) to the extreme.

If everyone over the age of say, 21, knew that the only way they would get spousal support was if they were the primary child-care provider and stayed home with the kids, then our country would probably be much better off.

The first thing my lawyer(s) told me basically was that marriage is a partnership. To me that means 50% equal...so in my case, if he does not support the family because he is the lower income earner, he does not pay for 50% of the household expenses, he does not pay 50% towards his childrens support and/or education, he does not do 50% of the household chores, or buy 50% of the food, etc., then how is this a partnership????

It all just makes me sick that a MAN would stoop this low -- I am trying hard not to be sexist, but he has been sexist toward me because I have done 99% of the "female" roles of the marriage, as he expected me to. I have and work with a lot of male friends and it was unanimous that none of them would (or did) take money from their wives (or ex's) who earned more. That just goes to prove mine is being vindictive.

Anyways, my opinion, again.
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