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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 06-20-2014, 10:35 AM
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I can understand why the dad would be upset with the OP, and it isn't because of the new guy. OP's ex is likely upset because OP moved out of the child's familiar location and now OP wants to change the child's school. Dad is likely resistant because he doesn't see why her move should be reason to change the regular parenting schedule and change schools. I can also see how this could be construed as being upset with the new relationship, as it was caused by the new relationship.

I also did see the hypocrisy about her wanting to pull back on Dad's time when he got into a new relationship, but yet made no mention of intending on doing the same thing when she entered her new relationship. I also see the hypocrisy in stating that she did that because she wants stability and to limit change on the child, yet in the next breathe advises that they have moved to another town and now want to change the child's school.

I also didn't understand the reasoning on reducing dad's time as a means of limiting the impact of the changes in the child's life. To me, it is backwards logic. Let's reduce the amount of time the child spends with the other parent because the other parent is in a new relationship and that family is growing, only to re-introduce the child later when much has changed. It makes no sense. The child will adjust better being regularly involved throughout all the stages of both parents life.

IMO, OP needs to re-think their stance. OP sees the ex as hostile, yet doesn't see that her decisions could have caused such resistance.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 06-20-2014, 10:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somethingelse View Post
Ostensibly, Parenting Coordination is a combination of mediation, arbitration and parent education.

Unless you're an oligarch, avoid parenting coordination like the plague.

Parenting Coordination would probably work best for families that don't need it. If you need it, it probably won't work for you.

If you're at the point where you think you need PC, then at least one party was unaffected by the Ministry of The Attorney General's parent education program and other information about how parents should work to get along after divorce. If someone is not able to learn or refuses to, then why pay a Parenting Coordinator to tell them the same thing? In that situation you need more than parenting coordination. You need a family court system which enforces the bits of paper which say "Order" at the top.

Beware of a "parenting coordinator" who refuses to arbitrate, although their mandate is to arbitrate when necessary. Beware near-extortionate billings of around $1000.00 a month and little you can do about it.

Be extremely cautious about parenting coordination.
Brilliant observations and I couldn't have written it out better. Parental coordinators that refuse to arbitrate are useless and expensive.
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2014, 11:28 PM
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Thank you for your replies. I believe I can add clarity. I'm the one who left the relationship three years ago. His dad was offered the job of his dreams and moved to the same city after our separation of 8mths. He had false hope of getting back together and became hostile when he found out I was dating.

I should also add that I was in my relationship for a year and a half before We co-habituated (20min away). My ex met someone too and after three months in, announced the pregnancy with the twins and the move. We were close to working out a 50-50 at that (it didn't work before because of his work hours) and I wanted to put the brakes because of this big change in my son's life.

I had not moved in with my bf at this point when all of this was unfolding. I've been living with my partner and his daughter who's with us week on week off for a year now, three years have gone by and my son wants to go to school here with her. Yes- we've paid for private psychological assessments for my son. He even told the social worker at school his wishes about changing school.

The reason behind changing 50-50 to more of a 60-40 are purely because we don't see eye to eye and I would like to focus more on his academics. I feel his father is still upset I left our relationship and our son is now (even after 3yrs) hurting cause of our separation and I am certainly blamed for my sons actions and emotional outburst at school. Things have been better - I will say that however his dad is a firm believer that having two homes is not a way of life. He also wants to change his school to his school district.

He refuses to pay for any care, camps or sports in my community and declares his home my son's primary address. He is very hostile and I feel this inhibits his ability to co-parent - which in turn affects my son. After 3 years, he still won't call or write my partner's name and only refers to him as my bf.

To be clear, I was very happy to hear he entered into a new relationship; I was genuinely happy for him and was kind to her the first time I met her. It was only when he announced his news that I felt 50-50 should wait atleast six months (after the twins were born) as I wanted to shield my son from this big change.


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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2014, 11:57 PM
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Well there you have it - you feel entitled to have made the change for your son to "spare him" from the twins. Because of course six months after the twins are born is SO much better than being able to grow up with his siblings and celebrating in every little thing they do.

I'm going to go out on a limb and call BS. You've posted on another forum and your story changes with your audience. At the end of the day I don't think you're looking for advice, I think your looking for someone to tell you what you want to hear.

At the end of the day - you have made unilateral decisions based on daddy's new baby twins. In my books - that is wrong. If your son wanted to go to school with the twins I'm sure that would be wrong too. But of course he wants to go to school with your step daughter so it's okay.

Who cares if dad refers to your bf by name. Really? This sounds very immature.

You stated previously you weren't looking for money. Now you mention money...you're tripping on your own words.
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  #25 (permalink)  
Old 06-22-2014, 12:21 AM
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My story has not changed; I added clarity. The reason I brought up money is because it's important to identify that my objective in changing the access to 60/40 is not about money as some might assume. 50-50 does not work if parents are consumed with conflict. I should also let you know that we (my partner and I) were aggressively looking to purchase a home in my son's school district until the school social worker told both my son's dad and I that our son wants to change school (not to mention the school labelled him as having ADHD) and explained to us that he values family and sees others going to the same school as their sibling(s). I did not change our schedule when my ex announced the pregnancy. I wanted things to remain status quo till my son adapted to these major changes and transitioned gently. If my son's wishes were to go to the same school as the twins, I would be happy to entertain the idea.


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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 06-23-2014, 10:05 AM
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In the Ottawa region, Sandra Levesque has a good reputation as a parenting co-ordinator.

(If naming her is not appropriate, please edit post to read "PM me for a suggestion").
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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 06-23-2014, 10:13 AM
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Thank you. I've looked into Sandra's credentials. Would anyone know the cost of hiring a parenting coordinator? It appears you retain them and agree to work with one from 12-24mths.
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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 06-23-2014, 10:54 AM
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Why not contact her and ask?
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