parental rights

[shawn-]

First off this is my first time posting and thanks to the admins for such a helpful site such as this. I'll try and make this as short as i can but all this just happened in the last 2 hours and being sunday can't get any info but mabey from here.

10 years ago i met my daughters mother, our wonderful angel is 7. 4 years ago we bought a house together(split the down payment). 2 years ago i start my own buisness becuase working for someone wasnt paying our bills and paying her university. buisness is great very busy.well 1 year ago she left me for another and that lasted 6 months,(i know i know) 3 months later shes back and 3 months ago left but were still together aas a couple just living apart.

Our home is in orleans and our daughter has been going to school here for 3 years now.i pick her up and drop her off everyday but she spends a week at daddies and a week at moms.her mom moved to quebec in buckingham meaning yes...she has to take the ferry everyday.well the last few weeks she has been spending time with me cause mommy is very busy in university.....10 days ago on friday we have a quick talk about her moving back in cause it would be more easier for her to get to and from her university i say im gonna take our daughter to the father and child fishing tourney for the weekend and we'll disuss it sunday.

Well good ole long time friend of mine and my now ex get talking on the saturday and she finds out i dated on and off the same time she left me for mr.perfect a year prior and she knew i did but without steamy details. which my now ex friend fog horned to her we didnt agree on aterms as far as custody cause we thought it was temp and we have been in a week on week off type thing for awhile.now tonight comes along and here it is.

she told me i can't come pick up our daughter because she has unregistered her from her school in orleans last week and she starts in her new school in the morning!!!!!! and she was asked if she minds and shes apperently ok with it!!!!!(shes 7) now i ask her when i can go and pick her up again.i get "shes gonna stay with me from now on,its better for me and her" those words......

I'm lost angry and don't know what to do.....and thanks for reading any response will be greatful..


a sad and lonely dad.

[shawn-]

If someone who can offer anything needs other info....im sitting here ready to give :/

[representingself]

Hey Shawn...

Clearly there is little chance at a reconciliaton now, and I am sorry to hear that.

Here's what you need to do. If you can afford it, you need to retain a Lawyer asap. You need an immediate court action to stop your ex.

It is very disruptive for your child to be pulled from school like this, and if you allow it to happen, it can be construed as being done with your consent.

You need a paper trail. First thing you need to do is email your ex and let her know that you strenuously object to her removing your daughter from school.
Your child is 7 years old and cannot make decisions for her own well being, even if she "doesn't mind", that has no bearing here.

Include in your email that the past months of shared parenting/joint custody has clearly established "status quo", and adamently refuse to allow any changes to be made. Tell her upfront that you will be seeking a court order for joint custody, and follow through.

Judges look very favourably on status quo and are very reluctant to change it. If you start a weekend access thing with your daughter now, it also appear as though you consented to it.

You must act quickly, or you will end up a weekend access only parent, and will be paying your ex full child support.

[shawn-]

Thank you for the reply. I started preparing an email to her before you replied...as far as affording a lawyer that isn't a problem although i have learned through reading it might cost a few dollars but i don't mind losing my shirt as long as everything is fair and the way it is supposed to be.i just keep remebering my daughter asking me the last time i seen her to make sure i was here to pick her up today and i was.....and shes not. emotionaly its extremly hard to deal with but tomorrow will be a new day.

As far as joint custody goes, my daughter should return to her school shouldn't she? and should i provide in the email the fact that her best move would to bring her daughter to her regular school to avoid any problems or legal issues or for that matter mental harm to our daughter or just state that i strongly disagree with the move shes making? and again i can't thank you enough for showing concern over this matter.

[representingself]

Shawn...

If I were you, I would be very blunt and firm with your ex. TRemain calm, do not get aggressive, but be clear and let her know that you will not tolerate her behaviour.

Explain that you are willing to negotiate and work towards an agreement; however, in no uncertain terms should your daughter be pulled from her school, friends, schedule etc, just because your ex is being vengeful.

Be clear that removing the child from her school is not in your daughters best interests.

Let her know that you are quite serious, and are willing to see this through and bring forward an immediate court action....

Tell her you want her returned to her regular classroom tomorrow morning and you will be picking her up after school as usual.

Also, explain to her that having your daughter with you 50% of the time, as she has been for months now, is all that you will accept, and that you will immediately seek a court order to that effect.

Call your daughters school in the morning and confirm that she has been removed. Is so, determine where her new school is, and tell your ex that you will be there to pick her up after school tomorrow, as usual.

All correspondance with your ex should be via email, or telephone (but only once you have aquired a recording device).

Time is of the essence in your case, you can't afford to let anything go right now.

[shawn-]

thank you very much. its nice to have a site like this when you have nowhere to turn to. I can atleast have peace knowing that there is hope, again thank you

[MaggieT]

Shawn:
I would just like to say that I feel for you and your daughter and that I pray that everything turns out well.
It is an awful feeling and there are many of us here on the forums who have felt that pit rumbling around in our stomachs at some point.
Rep has given you sound advice and I would be marching to my daughters school in the morning asking questions as to how her school records could have been transferred without your notification.
Personally, I would also telephone the local police station and question them on what to do.
I recall my lawyer telling me at one time that if my ex should try to pull a fast one and take my children or not return them for a visit that there was a subsection in the family law act that applied and I was to call the police immediately.
For heavens sake I am at a loss for what she called it, but it was in reference to the fact that it may be considered abduction as her school and home and place of residency is with you.
Please look into this and question the police or call the local court house and talk with one of their lawyers immediately.
Good luck to you...if I can find my paperwork regarding the legistation sub section, I will write back.
All the best!

[SNAFU]

Very good advice ...

Shawn, I've been through this for 5 years now... I can tell you that there are many positives that happen because of divorce. As much as I loved my children before, we're so much closer now. That goes the same for my relationship with the rest of my family and friends and them with my children.

The first week of school this year my ex took my daughter out on Tuesday and tried to put her into the school that she wanted her in ... we were already going to court that Friday because of a Motion that she was bringing in order to change schools ... I walked out of the courtroom with custody of my daughter ... I got my son in March.

Write letters to the schools. Let them know what's going on. Get a lawyer and have them write your ex ... still email her though.

[shawn-]

Wow it's great to hear stories like all of yours....it's been only a few hours since things turn south for me but your stories are helping. Found myself in tears but kinda happy ones cuase i'm sure things will turn out for the best,one of my foreman told me to take the day off tomorrow to deal with my crap. Being an owner of a buisness i often get people asking or telling me about problems and try and find the right awnsers for them and its difficult being on the side that needs the help with no awnsers but nice to know theres places like this to find them.......its just so horrible that your life can seem so normal and you have to put it on hold for things like this..

[shawn-]

Maggie the thing about the police is....i don't want my little girl tramatized by her father taking her away with the aid of police...i dont think it would come to that or hope to god that it won't. i thought about calling them tonight but then thought,taking her away from her mom like that isn't right and she would hate me for it.I'm really hoping and stressed it in my letter to her mother...is she saves our angel this trama and just bring her to her regular class in the morning and not put her through what will eventually happen which is her returning to her normal day of life...her teachers have been working close with us last year and alot this year to make sure she is where she belongs as far as her grades an such. and to throw that away is selfish.


again its brings tears to my eyes to read all these stories and your replies but there tears of hope.