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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 06-07-2015, 10:56 PM
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I am not hysterical. Frustrated, confused and at the end of my rope, yes. And doing the right thing and seeking advice.
I am not "one of those women making false allegations" and trying to browbeat an innocent man. I am one of those good mothers trying to make the best of it for my kid with the crap hand I have been handed. That is how I choose to look at it. However I can't get the proper advice for the situation without telling the background, as it does look like I am being controlling until you know what is really going on under the surface.

Please send me your email and I will send you the photos of the physical injuries. The court has them but apparently for someone on the internet to actually believe someone who has been continuing to deal with this for 20 years I need to PROVE it to you. Maybe you should nominate me for an Emmy since you think I am just playing a part??

And just so you know, abuse does not mean just physical injuries. I have witnesses and recordings to back me up. I have just chosen to NOT proceed with the intention of punishing him. I made that decision 6 years ago knowing it would only hurt my child. That in itself shows who I am and what I stand for.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 06-07-2015, 11:21 PM
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If you're looking for advice, I would suggest trying to ensure that your daughter has friendly, neutral adults in her life. At the moment, the two most important people in her world are enmeshed in a mutually antagonistic battle, which has been going on ever since she can remember. She needs solid adults in her life who have no connection to this conflict, so that the conflict doesn't come to define her world. Brownies is a great idea - possibly also a church youth group? Or summer camp? Or look into a discussion group for kids experiencing loss/death/divorce, like the Rainbows programme offered in many communities?

As for your ex, it's clear you can't communicate with him, after six years, so I suggest you stop trying. Don't try to arrange meetings to talk about your daughter, don't suggest joint counselling with him, don't pick up the phone when he calls, don't call your daughter when she is with him, block his texts and don't unblock them. Conflict can be addictive in a weird way, and you need to go cold turkey. Short emails only (or letters, or faxes) only, and no more than one per week. If he responds or tries to engage more, ignore him. I know you said he won't give out his email address, but if you give yours to him and then stop communicating with him in other ways, he'll use email.
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 06-08-2015, 02:11 AM
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My ex was charged with assault by the police on April 1 during that dreadful time of the month- support cheque time. He slammed me into walls in front of the boys. The police issued a restraining order against him. Terrible conflict which has now resulted in him just stopping support payments.
The thing about it is that hes not allowed to talk/text/email me anymore (unless through a lawyer) and I've gotta say, not having someone criticize every move I make is great. Mind you, he is doing whatever else he can to get me through his lawyer, but not having to look at his disapproving mean face has made me happier. It gives me hope for a future...a 'taste' of peace, a little tidbit.... even amongst all this court crap.
I guess what I'm saying is, if your still fighting after all this time, talking probably won't help. Showing empathy or trying to compromise is a sign of weakness to some people. Getting distance from someone like that does help. Do what you can to help your daughter (I wish I had better advise on how) and expect no cooperation from this person. I think I will be having the same issues with my kids once they get older and start disagreeing with him. You don't disagree with my ex, in case you missed the memo!
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