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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 02-01-2016, 10:39 AM
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^^^ What Janus said with added...

One time incidents repeated over and over to a judge doesn't make them an every day occurrence. If there was one incident then it will be chalked up as a single incident.

Finally, now that you and the other parent live in separate locations the incidents of disagreements will go down significantly. If you do exchanges through daycare and or school... you may see the other parent a handful of times a year unless the children are in an activity like dancing or soccer.
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Old 02-01-2016, 12:23 PM
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People like you Janus, are the reason women who get sexually abused don't come forth, and filthy human beings get away with it.

To accuse someone of lying and being at fault for being abused, is sick.
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Old 02-01-2016, 01:17 PM
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Originally Posted by selfrep00 View Post
People like you Janus, are the reason women who get sexually abused don't come forth, and filthy human beings get away with it.

To accuse someone of lying and being at fault for being abused, is sick.
Or did Janus just hit the nail on the head... I think so. People who use false allegations of domestic violence are the worst.

See this thread:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...ase-law-16809/

Quote:
The difficulty with the term “abuse”, as it is used in affidavits filed in family law cases, is that it is used subjectively. It is an emotionally coloured term. It is not limited to describing physical violence but may be also be used to describe a range of conflicts including arguments, differences of opinion or values, or hurt feelings. For example, one partner may consider himself or herself as a good money manager while the other partner may perceive close budgeting as coercive control. One partner may consider an end-of-day inquiry about how the other spouse’s day went as an indication of love or interest while a disaffected spouse may deem the inquiry intrusive and controlling.
...

Quote:
Allegations of abuse may be a symptom of the failure of a relationship. Blame is an inherent part of the allegation. Sometimes it is wholly warranted; other times it is not. When parties are not communicating, any slight or criticism is magnified. There is a tendency to minimize the other spouse’s good qualities and maximize the bad. Warring spouses are rarely in a position to step back and evaluate the other’s behaviour with objective eyes. Nor are they able to critically assess their own behaviour...

Last edited by Tayken; 02-01-2016 at 01:20 PM.
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Old 02-01-2016, 01:27 PM
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Hey look, it snowed in hell - Tayken agreed with me...
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Old 02-01-2016, 01:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
Hey look, it snowed in hell - Tayken agreed with me...
I actually agreed with Janus and not you. Also, do you even ready my posts? Try reading the one I referenced... You may be surprised.

Found your case law. It was interesting.
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Old 02-01-2016, 01:38 PM
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The case conference is coming up, and I'm trying to understand what to expect.
In my experiences, not much happens at case conferences. They're more an opportunity to get all your mutual grievances out on the table.

Nothing really notable happens unless its done on consent and you two don't sound like you're close to an agreement yet.

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My goal is to go in and point out the reasons why it's in the best interest of the children to spend more time with me, and less with him. And to offer a few options of settlement/resolution.
From what I read of your post, the reasons that you think the children should be with you are either weak or non-valid and largely about what a bad parent your ex is...not about what a good parent you are.

In my opinion, that's a bad strategy and one that judges don't like much.

The one really valuable argument in the list you gave was the abuse history and it doesn't look favorable to you. You need to work on getting the perception of that fixed....its damaging to you even getting shared custody let alone an inequitable custody split.

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Without prejudice, he shows all the signs of a sociopath, and entitlement. Part of my conditions to allow joint custody/more access are for him to seek counselling and show an improvement in his behavior.
Every ex-spouse, me included, tries to self-diagnose their ex and no doubt that there's a lot of ex's who accurately guess their ex's personality disorder. But its not an argument for court because you are not a psychiatrist and anything you say along this line is not going to be welcome or seen as credible.

Also, given that you are asking for an inequitable division, I'd question why you're saying that its him who has a sense of entitlement.

Quote:
People like you Janus, are the reason women who get sexually abused don't come forth, and filthy human beings get away with it.

To accuse someone of lying and being at fault for being abused, is sick.
Actually Janus gave you a harsh but pretty accurate picture of how your story comes across. You'd be foolish not to re-look at your strategy based on the feedback. Understand that if you come off as not credible here, you may have the same issue in court.

And by the way, false allegations of abuse are VERY common in court and that's because its a tactic that a lot of people try to gain an advantage in court.

You can feign outrage when confronted with this but, make no mistake, courts are well aware that this happens and often recognize that when they see it. There's a lot of push right now to start taking harsher actions against people who make these false allegations so if you're walking into court with no history, supporting police records or other proof....you need to consider how its going to be viewed.

Bottom line, I totally understand that you think you're the best parent for the job but based on the information you've given here...your argument isn't very strong...in fact, you've got some major problems with your case. I think you'd be better off finding a way to negotiate with your ex for a shared/parallel parenting arrangement (and being thankful if you get it).

I also really think you guys need to both stop what you're doing and saying in front of the children right away. You're dragging these kids into adult matters....showing them things they shouldn't see, telling them things they don't need to know. Its really disturbing that there are police reports with witness statements from the kids at all...even worse for you, they aren't in your favor.

Last edited by Pursuinghappiness; 02-01-2016 at 01:42 PM.
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 02-01-2016, 01:47 PM
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What would be the harm in a 50/50 situation with counseling for both parents and kids? That way you both learn how to stop being idiots to each other and dragging the kids into it unnecessarily. The bonus is the kids learn whats right and wrong and can see through both your bs to what is right. Takes away this perceived "power" you both have in the he said she said battle.

Im with Janus and Links and everyone else that says you need to get your shit together and stop with what happened and focus on the future--hopefully a positive one for your kids.
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Old 02-01-2016, 01:53 PM
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Agree with the above. If you can’t take the questioning here, how are you going to take the questioning in court? Unfortunately for you, your ex has a police report saying you are the agressive one. Whether that's how it happened in your mind or not, that's what the police determined. Due to these reports, you will have a hard time proving the kids are better off full time with you.

Your ex stands a better chance at getting more than 50% of the time than you do. Don't blame Janus for the reason people don't report. You did report and the police found in the favour of your ex.

As pointed out, you may want to settle this with your ex, 50-50 with parallel parenting, your outcome would be much better settling than if you went to court in my opinion.
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Old 02-01-2016, 01:56 PM
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Another thing that I'd mention is that when you're going through a contentious situation like this, things are very heated and the requests from either side are extreme.

The court will encourage that cooler heads prevail and, honestly, understanding that early is a lot better for your anxiety level. Things will settle down and you want to work towards that because if you don't, its not going to look favorably on you going forward.
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Old 02-01-2016, 02:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
I actually agreed with Janus and not you. Also, do you even ready my posts? Try reading the one I referenced... You may be surprised.

Found your case law. It was interesting.
You agreed with me in that you think she is scamming which I was saying on the other thread....

I can sign an autograph for you later...
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