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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 08-21-2016, 11:22 AM
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Default Orders and FCC's

I had an FCC with a grandmother inlaw, short story is she lied through her teeth then accused me of lieing and exagerating, she smiled and joked around with the judge who is also older and I think he took her side and smiled at her a lot. So judge says sir if you don't agree to an order of some sort here its going to trial and there will be an order anyways. I do not want to go to trial as I have no money for that and I am sure its a fortune, as well as witness and kids dragged through it all. I voice my opinion that I am not happy with it as the grandmother is a violent bad influence in the childrens lives. The ex consents to this application for the access order, but the ex is hardly in the childrens lives...probably got paid off by the grandmother as in the past grandmother buys everyone.

So judge says 6 hour visit every 3rd sunday to be revisited in a couple months at another FCC. The judge says your adults, if you need to move things around figure it out and make it work, so I try my best between mom wanting to visit kid, kid going to activities and bday parties its a mess...grandmother is already trying to make things difficult, so I guess cancel anything for the kid and follow the court order....feel sorry for the kid....don't know how to explain it to the kid, don't want the kid to know there is a court thing going on about her....so I just make up excuses....

So really just basic problems I am sure everyone in this sort of situation has...

Are trials in this situation expensive?

Grandmother has seen kid couple times last couple years and here and there year or 2 before that and then quite often first 5 years of her life. Most of the time last few years was violent nature around grandmother...judge did not seem to mind the violence when he made his decision but probably because grandmother made me look like i was the trigger to it when I was not...seems like an uphill battle when your against innocent little old grandmother who just wants to see her granddaughter...are parents rights being taken away...pretty soon we won't be able to look at them in a stern way....how are parents supposed to raise their children in a safe positive way without a huge fight.
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Old 08-21-2016, 12:38 PM
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here is a case which contains reference to many other applicable cases for you to read:

https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/do...resultIndex=10

Yes trials are very, very expensive.
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Old 08-21-2016, 01:12 PM
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That case is somewhat similar, hopefully the next FCC does not give more access to my daughter as I would say no or trial...hopefully it just stays as is or is removed, this time I will ask to speak first and bring up the stress it is creating now compared to before, not to mention it is hard to deal with a woman who has asked her grandaughter to firebomb her old landlords house, and ask her also if she knows anyone who can "take care of me"....what kind of grandmother does that? People brush this stuff off when its done by a grandmother though.

Trial would be unfortunate...very unfortunate for everyone, sux that all of a sudden grandmother feels its that important after 3 years of no real concern....

Is there anything during the FCC that can help sway a judge to do the right thing without trial? It seemed like he had to make us consent to an order...or further the process, I was hoping he could just throw it out, maybe I should have been a little more vocal and firm during it...
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Old 08-21-2016, 05:12 PM
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has the grandmother been charged at all with any crimes? There are some people who just shoot off their mouths but don't have any real intent behind what they are saying.

Why isn't the mother letting the grandma see the child on her time? If the mother doesn't regularly visit the child then how much time are you really out anyways? If your ex had 50/50 then you would have the kid less but 6hrs every three weeks is nothing.
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Old 08-21-2016, 09:51 PM
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I've taken the liberty of cut-and-pasting the poster's previous comments summarising the grandmother from a previous post:


"The mother is mildly abusive verbally and physically, the grandmother is abusive psychologically, verbally, she is great with the headgames especially when she gets the little one alone telling her I took all mommys money, her family members on my side are not real family and they don't love her etc...nothing, rcmp have been involved with both women at the home...no charges laid. Cfs involved until mother told child to say she was lying.

Grandmother is very explosive, bad tempered, on all sorts of prescription drugs, sleeps until 2-3 pm and up until 6-7 am, never has been a major part of younger childs life...the only real problem I have is too much influence from the grandmother...my restriction to this day under my time with child for visits with granmda is no driving, no alone time, she has to visit with the older child there as well, like a babysitter when grandma sleeps all day or loses her mind.

So I was just hoping for no access order for grandma is all. I am the parent looking after my childs best interests, basically my view is an access order would allow grandma to influence the child in aweful ways as previously has proven. I am just concerned that "innocent little old grandma" will get what she wants. That is the act she plays of course.

The mother is not really an issue, other than poor young one probably thinks mommy doesnt want her...sucks as I try my best to make her feel otherwise and always drop everything to drive her for a visit every 3 or more months when her mom decides she has free time.
"

I recall that the grandmother (ex-MIL) was 1/3 owner on matrimonial home which went into foreclosure. How did that end up for you anyhow?

In previous posts you mentioned that you only allowed the grandmother visits when there was someone else present. Would it not therefore stand to reason that you formalize this in the Order to have her visits in the future supervised?
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Old 08-22-2016, 12:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
has the grandmother been charged at all with any crimes? There are some people who just shoot off their mouths but don't have any real intent behind what they are saying.

Why isn't the mother letting the grandma see the child on her time? If the mother doesn't regularly visit the child then how much time are you really out anyways? If your ex had 50/50 then you would have the kid less but 6hrs every three weeks is nothing.
I have no idea what is on her police record...am i allowed to see it under these circumstances? You need a police record search for other simple things....6 hrs is nothing, agree except the first visit per that order ruins her weekend with her mom which it has been a few months since mom was seen....no access orders of any kind with mom though.
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Old 08-22-2016, 12:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I've taken the liberty of cut-and-pasting the poster's previous comments summarising the grandmother from a previous post:


"The mother is mildly abusive verbally and physically, the grandmother is abusive psychologically, verbally, she is great with the headgames especially when she gets the little one alone telling her I took all mommys money, her family members on my side are not real family and they don't love her etc...nothing, rcmp have been involved with both women at the home...no charges laid. Cfs involved until mother told child to say she was lying.

Grandmother is very explosive, bad tempered, on all sorts of prescription drugs, sleeps until 2-3 pm and up until 6-7 am, never has been a major part of younger childs life...the only real problem I have is too much influence from the grandmother...my restriction to this day under my time with child for visits with granmda is no driving, no alone time, she has to visit with the older child there as well, like a babysitter when grandma sleeps all day or loses her mind.

So I was just hoping for no access order for grandma is all. I am the parent looking after my childs best interests, basically my view is an access order would allow grandma to influence the child in aweful ways as previously has proven. I am just concerned that "innocent little old grandma" will get what she wants. That is the act she plays of course.

The mother is not really an issue, other than poor young one probably thinks mommy doesnt want her...sucks as I try my best to make her feel otherwise and always drop everything to drive her for a visit every 3 or more months when her mom decides she has free time.
"

I recall that the grandmother (ex-MIL) was 1/3 owner on matrimonial home which went into foreclosure. How did that end up for you anyhow?

In previous posts you mentioned that you only allowed the grandmother visits when there was someone else present. Would it not therefore stand to reason that you formalize this in the Order to have her visits in the future supervised?
The home is sitting for sale right now. I have offered to drop the kid off at the movies the park the pool the beach restaurant or somewhere in public and without her driving. She refused any visits and said see you in court. So she shows up in court with a clean driving record for last 5 yrs and the judge looks at me and says there is nothing wrong with her driving clearly. My thought is a drunk driver can drive undetected for 5 yrs and then bam kill a family of 5.

The house issue I am sure will haunt me during divorce etc....I did all I could considering. So I dunno, I drop kid off with mom, tell the mom as per court order have her at so and so for such and such time.....she screws it up. Now grandmother crys poor me, he can not even follow this order blah blah....who is in violation now, I guess it is me, so now inhave to tell poor kid and her mom, sorry you 2 can not visit, can not explain why or else i am in violation of the order as we are not supposed to talk about the court or hearing to the child. It can be a bit of a mess, especially if grandmother and mom are working together and pretending that they don't talk to eachother...i should have gotten a restraining order on the lady when she was asking to find someone to take care of me and then saying she wishes she can shoot me in the face. Anyways I think that most of it is because grandmother wanted a windfall from the house and did not get it, she is great at always playing the victim in any circumstance and spinning things to her benefit...she was like a puppet master in the household and it was like a soap opera she was directing and still is, she needs to be in control it seems like. I am going to see a counselor or something to discuss my situation to ease the stress as I care too much and I should probably lay back and let grandmother have fun.
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Old 10-12-2016, 03:11 PM
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I have a 2nd fcc next week to revisit an original order made at first fcc. The order was made for ex mil to see her grand daughter every 3rd Sunday for 6 hrs from 1-7. Grandmother has made it clear she is going to ask for overnights at next fcc as per her original application. Obviously she knows she can lie and play innocent little grandma as it worked last time, I was shocked how much a person can lie and mud sling at an fcc and seem innocent, playing nice guy and not lieing at the fcc is not the way to go as I have seen. D9 is definetly stressed with the current situation, grandmother is telling her to imsg her that she wants overnights to help her, grandmother is telling d9 she can have a pet, but only if she gets overnights, now d9 is complaing how she doesnt want a broken family etc...things were sunny before grandma introduced issues, trial would bring more family stresses.

My question is if I do not agree with the overnights is trial the next step? Can anyone go to court with an application and push people to trial if they lie and seem innocent at an fcc or initial application hearing? Last fcc i said i do not agree with what the judge and grandma wanted and he sternly looked at me and said i will make this order whether or not you agree and it will go to trial as well as an order. The judge at the fcc admited he did not read any of my affidavit when i asked him if he read it.

If I go to trial without a lawyer and a few witnesses what would costs be? Is there an alternative such as safety with grandmother addicted to painkillers to avoid overnights, I already feel I failed protecting my childs best interests....first world problems and should I just give up and accept an order for whole weekends.....or go to trial and refuse any access, stressful either way i go....of course kid wants to see her grandma when she promises her a pet if more access is allowed, she would die for this pet and is always talking about it now and will do whatever grandma says to get it and now I am a bad guy if it all does not happen :-(
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Old 10-12-2016, 06:07 PM
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if a pet is such a big issue for the kid then get her a pet. That way Grandma cant use it as a bargaining chip and you are the great dad because you got the kid the sought after pet.
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Old 10-12-2016, 07:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
if a pet is such a big issue for the kid then get her a pet. That way Grandma cant use it as a bargaining chip and you are the great dad because you got the kid the sought after pet.
Not allowed pets in the rental unit. I could try and ask the owner maybe for a special consideration. It almost seems parents rights are overridden by grandparents somewhat when they get a chance to influence and slowly brainwash, but I guess some cases warrant it. The other child told us the grandmother is playing games with the younger one that she has to text her grandma when she gets home that she wants overnights otherwise the pet won't work because she has to look after it. Of course grandmother takes this text to fcc and shows judge poor little one misses her grammy and wants overnights. Game over, judge says try overnights for a few months and return.....I say no, grandma says I want overnights and child does too, judge will probably say interim order is being made for overnights and we will have to schedule whatever it would be i guess, pre trial conference of some sort i imagine.

Am i allowed a police background check or anything for her to have alone time with the child, would her addiction to oxy percaset and tyl 3 and whatever else come into play with overnights? Obviously it is ok for her to drive the kid around on those meds.

Lastly, if I can borrow money for a lawyer, is it worth using them just on the side to make sure your doing things right in court, or is a judge pretty lenient when both parties are self rep. Does a judge take other similar precedents and or laws more into consideration compared to your case if you have a lawyer to back you up? I want my younger child to grow up without issues like the older child having aweful influences and a place to run to when she does not like something(to grammys) who unfortunately just loves the games and not the best interests of the child.
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