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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 07-28-2015, 12:37 PM
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Default Opinions on access change

Back in Sept my ex and I agreed to change our access arrangement from week to week to weekdays/weekends to allow the children to attend school near my home (I have week days).

Since then he has been evicted and is now living 3 hours away. Access has been sporadic and dropped well below 40%.

With school soon to start I am considering requesting a temporary order changing access to every other weekend until my ex gets back and finds a place where he can take the children on his time, at which time we would go back to our original week to week.

Do you think I have a reasonable chance of winning this?
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Old 07-28-2015, 10:52 PM
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The children were already going to school in your area before he was evicted, and he was getting weekends, why does the fact that he lives further away mean he should lose time? If it was week about that would make sense but since his parenting time doesn't affect school I don't see how you can argue a change? Maybe I am missing something from your post?
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Old 07-28-2015, 11:07 PM
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Tell us what exactly is the problem. I'd guess that sporadic access is making your life difficult to plan, and stressful for kids not knowing when they are seeing their dad.

How about you start with a discussion about how to deal with that, rather than jumping straight into court .

Sounds like he's not coping with life well (I have no info, not judging), so give some (reasonable) time and space, rather than adding to his load.

You mention 40%. Are you also thinking to change CS?
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Old 07-29-2015, 10:22 AM
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How is the relationship between you and your ex. Can you sit down and discuss this? Maybe he can take the children during the days on weekends and drop them off to sleep at your place until he gets back into some sort of housing.
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Old 07-29-2015, 12:14 PM
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It just seems to be unfair to ask the children to travel 3 hours each way every weekend. Especially on a Monday morning before school.
Their dad doesn't have his own place - they stay with his mother where his brother and 3 kids are also staying because he is going through a separation now as well.
It means that the kids never get to attend family events with us on weekends nor do they get to attend events with their friends. They miss every birthday party and sleepover/playdate they are invited to.
Homework gets left undone on the weekends as well because it's play time with dad and they often miss Mondays or are late to school. What happens when the weather starts to get bad?
I'm just thinking that it would be better for them to be with him every other weekend until he gets back here.

I plan to sit and talk with him about this but I know it will not go well.
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Old 07-29-2015, 01:08 PM
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Suggestion when you talk...
- SKIP the stuff about friends/events/playdates. It is very likely to make him defensive and protective, as he likely feels that 'his activities' have the same importance as 'your activities'.
- SKIP stuff about the driving/time - if the kids aren't complaining (and don't encourage the kids to question it), and he is willing to do the driving, and get them to school, then no problem.
- focus on the missed school and homework issues. Do you have a count of absences/lates (perhaps from last report card?)
- focus on wanting a regular schedule and the current pattern of sporadic access
- emphasize that it is temporary only, until a more regular schedule that supports school can be sorted out. Perhaps even put an end date on it, like Dec 31, after which he can choose to return to previous REGULAR schedule.

http://www.wikisummaries.org/Getting_to_Yes

Last edited by dinkyface; 07-29-2015 at 01:17 PM.
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Old 07-29-2015, 01:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dinkyface View Post
Suggestion when you talk...
- SKIP the stuff about friends/events/playdates. It is very likely to make him defensive and protective, as he likely feels that 'his activities' have the same importance as 'your activities'.
- SKIP stuff about the driving/time - if the kids aren't complaining (and don't encourage the kids to question it), and he is willing to do the driving, and get them to school, then no problem.
- focus on the missed school and homework issues.
- focus on wanting a regular schedule and the current pattern of sporadic access
- emphasize that it is temporary only, until a more regular schedule that supports school can be sorted out. Perhaps even put an end date on it, like Dec 31, after which he can choose to return to previous REGULAR schedule.
Good advice. My plan was to request that the situation be reviewed every 3 months. Thanks.
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Old 07-29-2015, 02:40 PM
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You could also let him know about upcoming birthdays and let him make any decisions on whether he will drop the children off sometimes.

Communication, well documented, is the key.
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