Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2014, 01:03 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 14
BessaGuy is on a distinguished road
Default One step forward, two steps back :(

Just came back from Ontario court and loosing my mind here. Here's the short story...

My ex-wife has been alienating my daughter against me for the last few years. Last summer was really bad with her denying access and me having to see a lawyer to get involved before she reinstated access. The last year has had it's fair share of ups and downs . Because things were getting difficult again, this past winter/spring I decided to start saving money for my 'lawyer fund' and as incentive, I took a picture of my ex that was on social media and wrote a slogan on it (in poor taste if truth be told) that my daughter found (it was hidden out of sight, but she found it) that she stole and showed it to her mom.

Well, that was the catalyst for her to deny my access totally and immediately. Haven't seen my daughter since late spring. My lawyer is back on the case and we've sent letters, negotiated reinstating my access with her lawyer, had a court date last month where the judge said she has to follow my access order and still, no access. Well, things took a turn for the worse from that court date with my ex being downright hostile and combative. For example, the day of the court date where the judge said my access order was to be followed, she wouldn't even see me at the door and texted me to get off her property or she'll call the police. It's been more or less the same for the last few weeks with her being very animated and argumentative when I go to pick up my daughter. Today was another court date where we were to argue comtempt of court, get my access back, ask for OCL involvement, start family counselling.

What happened was she argued my daughter is under tremendous stress when she has to see me and she isn't in comtempt because she is protecting the child. Judge agreed and deferred all until OCL report.

Of concern is my ex is now going to send my daughter for solo-counselling and judge agreed that is a good idea. I have no input on who she see's nor am I to go see said counsellor to give my version. Basically, I am out of the picture and she is going to further brainwash my daughter against me AND most likely have a counsellor/therapist report to back her up by the time the OCL is involed.

What is my next step? Any suggestions? What are timeframes for OCL involvement and settlement? How is OCL going to report on my situation when by the time they even get my case, I haven't even seen my daughter for many months and the ex has further brainwashed her and alienated her from me? How can the OCL do a fair assessment if I've been out of the picture for 6 months (or more) and it's been adversarial for many months to this day and time already? My daughter is definitely slipping away from me and I also cannot afford a long drawn out hostile legal battle. Tens of thousands of dollars I do not have.

Looking for help.
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2014, 04:10 PM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,911
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

Perhaps read Lovingfather32's posts and you can get an idea of the time it will take you to go through the OCL process. His ex abducted his daughter in the early spring and he only is able to see his daughter for sporadic 3 yr/week supervised visits.
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2014, 06:13 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,224
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BessaGuy View Post
Just came back from Ontario court and loosing my mind here. Here's the short story...

My ex-wife has been alienating my daughter against me for the last few years. Last summer was really bad with her denying access and me having to see a lawyer to get involved before she reinstated access. The last year has had it's fair share of ups and downs . Because things were getting difficult again, this past winter/spring I decided to start saving money for my 'lawyer fund' and as incentive, I took a picture of my ex that was on social media and wrote a slogan on it (in poor taste if truth be told) that my daughter found (it was hidden out of sight, but she found it) that she stole and showed it to her mom.

Well, that was the catalyst for her to deny my access totally and immediately. Haven't seen my daughter since late spring. My lawyer is back on the case and we've sent letters, negotiated reinstating my access with her lawyer, had a court date last month where the judge said she has to follow my access order and still, no access. Well, things took a turn for the worse from that court date with my ex being downright hostile and combative. For example, the day of the court date where the judge said my access order was to be followed, she wouldn't even see me at the door and texted me to get off her property or she'll call the police. It's been more or less the same for the last few weeks with her being very animated and argumentative when I go to pick up my daughter. Today was another court date where we were to argue comtempt of court, get my access back, ask for OCL involvement, start family counselling.

What happened was she argued my daughter is under tremendous stress when she has to see me and she isn't in comtempt because she is protecting the child. Judge agreed and deferred all until OCL report.

Of concern is my ex is now going to send my daughter for solo-counselling and judge agreed that is a good idea. I have no input on who she see's nor am I to go see said counsellor to give my version. Basically, I am out of the picture and she is going to further brainwash my daughter against me AND most likely have a counsellor/therapist report to back her up by the time the OCL is involed.

What is my next step? Any suggestions? What are timeframes for OCL involvement and settlement? How is OCL going to report on my situation when by the time they even get my case, I haven't even seen my daughter for many months and the ex has further brainwashed her and alienated her from me? How can the OCL do a fair assessment if I've been out of the picture for 6 months (or more) and it's been adversarial for many months to this day and time already? My daughter is definitely slipping away from me and I also cannot afford a long drawn out hostile legal battle. Tens of thousands of dollars I do not have.

Looking for help.
uggh. So you think its just the mothers fault?? When you do something like take a picture of her mother and write something (that I take wasn't nice) on it that isn't alienating your daughter yourself?? I don't care if it was hidden, you should have never done it because there was a chance your daughter would find it.

Your daughters counselling isn't a place for you to tell your side. Its for helping her deal with two parents who cannot get along.
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2014, 06:45 PM
LovingFather32's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 4,518
LovingFather32 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BessaGuy View Post
Just came back from Ontario court and loosing my mind here. Here's the short story...

My ex-wife has been alienating my daughter against me for the last few years. Last summer was really bad with her denying access and me having to see a lawyer to get involved before she reinstated access. The last year has had it's fair share of ups and downs . Because things were getting difficult again, this past winter/spring I decided to start saving money for my 'lawyer fund' and as incentive, I took a picture of my ex that was on social media and wrote a slogan on it (in poor taste if truth be told) that my daughter found (it was hidden out of sight, but she found it) that she stole and showed it to her mom.

Well, that was the catalyst for her to deny my access totally and immediately. Haven't seen my daughter since late spring. My lawyer is back on the case and we've sent letters, negotiated reinstating my access with her lawyer, had a court date last month where the judge said she has to follow my access order and still, no access. Well, things took a turn for the worse from that court date with my ex being downright hostile and combative. For example, the day of the court date where the judge said my access order was to be followed, she wouldn't even see me at the door and texted me to get off her property or she'll call the police. It's been more or less the same for the last few weeks with her being very animated and argumentative when I go to pick up my daughter. Today was another court date where we were to argue comtempt of court, get my access back, ask for OCL involvement, start family counselling.

What happened was she argued my daughter is under tremendous stress when she has to see me and she isn't in comtempt because she is protecting the child. Judge agreed and deferred all until OCL report.

Of concern is my ex is now going to send my daughter for solo-counselling and judge agreed that is a good idea. I have no input on who she see's nor am I to go see said counsellor to give my version. Basically, I am out of the picture and she is going to further brainwash my daughter against me AND most likely have a counsellor/therapist report to back her up by the time the OCL is involed.

What is my next step? Any suggestions? What are timeframes for OCL involvement and settlement? How is OCL going to report on my situation when by the time they even get my case, I haven't even seen my daughter for many months and the ex has further brainwashed her and alienated her from me? How can the OCL do a fair assessment if I've been out of the picture for 6 months (or more) and it's been adversarial for many months to this day and time already? My daughter is definitely slipping away from me and I also cannot afford a long drawn out hostile legal battle. Tens of thousands of dollars I do not have.

Looking for help.
I have a feeling my ex is doing the same thing. Except D3 seems stressed at the end of the visit because she can not stay longer. I have a feeling the next step is she call CAS to trump a motion I have set in Sept. I wont delve too much in to my case. This one's about you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BessaGuy View Post
I took a picture of my ex that was on social media and wrote a slogan on it (in poor taste if truth be told) that my daughter found (it was hidden out of sight, but she found it) that she stole and showed it to her mom..
Yikes. Bad move compadre. I don't know what the slogan said. If it was incentive then just keep it in your wallet, take it out and smile whenever you're pissed. By god don't do the social media thing. That's a tough one. Try and be very apologetic .. admit you screwed up large and will never do it again and hope for the best. The checkmate for her was your daughter found it.
Now, it's of my opinion that it should NOT determine access. She shouldn't just be allowed to shut down access as she sees fit.

OCL timeframes depend on their availability. Id guess 1-2 months, perhaps 3. The investigation itself is usually 90 days (deadline). But police CPICS usually take 3 months to get. So rough estimate 4 months to complete plus 1-2 months to get appointed Id say. Maybe more. Every situations different. So 5-6 months total? Let's say 7 months for the whole process, disclosure meeting, report filed and all.

I feel for you my man. Chin up. No more taunting on social media. Lesson learned Im sure.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 08-13-2014 at 07:06 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2014, 07:47 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,040
Berner_Faith will become famous soon enough
Default

I find this as a common example of someone who hates their ex more than they love their children. No matter what was going on or what you were saving for you screwed up huge and upset your daughter, you are just as much at fault.

Moving forward you need to admit your screw up and maybe try apologizing to your ex and not just blaming her for not seeing your daughter.
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2014, 08:39 PM
Janibel's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Way up North
Posts: 1,497
Janibel will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
uggh. So you think its just the mothers fault?? When you do something like take a picture of her mother and write something (that I take wasn't nice) on it that isn't alienating your daughter yourself?? I don't care if it was hidden, you should have never done it because there was a chance your daughter would find it.

Your daughters counselling isn't a place for you to tell your side. Its for helping her deal with two parents who cannot get along.
Yep, this part of your story got my red flags going as well. I understand how the divorce process can wreak havoc with our brains ... but that was a very immature thing to do (high-school stuff).

My STBX complains constantly that our son wants nothing to do with him. He blames me - truth is I'm not happy about this situation and would prefer that father and son would get along. Sadly, he did it all by himself like a big boy.
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2014, 08:56 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 721
Straittohell is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Some of the tones of the comments remind me of how our society used to handle domestic assault.

"Oh, your husband hit you last night? Tsk, tsk. What do you do to set him of? Maybe, next time, you should be careful about what you say."

I am hoping that we can all agree that regardless of the stupidity of the picture, that this woman's denial of access before and after is 100% not okay, and in no way an acceptable response.
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2014, 08:58 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 25
Sadmommy is on a distinguished road
Default

How well was this picture hidden that it was found so easily?
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2014, 09:02 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 721
Straittohell is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Whether the picture was left in an easy to find place on purpose or not, I fail to see how it justifies the previous and ongoing denials of access.
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 08-13-2014, 09:04 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,224
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Straittohell View Post
Some of the tones of the comments remind me of how our society used to handle domestic assault.

"Oh, your husband hit you last night? Tsk, tsk. What do you do to set him of? Maybe, next time, you should be careful about what you say."

I am hoping that we can all agree that regardless of the stupidity of the picture, that this woman's denial of access before and after is 100% not okay, and in no way an acceptable response.
I think that's a fair assumption.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
finally making steps forward.. onthefence2 Divorce Support 7 03-08-2012 04:13 PM
Want my deposit back elizabeth1962 Common Law Issues 50 05-25-2010 10:22 PM
FRO or back to court Denisem Financial Issues 5 03-20-2008 09:41 PM
Going back to school twiceseparated Divorce & Family Law 4 02-10-2007 08:50 AM
Back Child Support Fresh Starts Financial Issues 10 11-05-2005 12:09 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:58 PM.