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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 03-13-2014, 12:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serene View Post
If MS Mom makes her own offer to settle and does not accept the line items that she wants to in his offer to settle then you have transfered the power/authority to the father to accept/deny the components of the offer. This makes no sense. Ultimately if there are parts of the offer that MS Mom wants to accept, and it is a severable offer - why would she complicate things any more? She would accept what parts she wants to and then perhaps make an offer to settle for the outstanding issues.
It isn't severable. The box that says "offer to settle all issues" is checked. The box saying "offer to settle some of the issues" is not checked.

I feel like he's selling back his share in the child. I know that's simplistic, but I'm sitting here looking at this and it's feeling a lot like he's letting me buy my share for his arrears.
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:18 AM
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It isn't severable. The box that says "offer to settle all issues" is checked. The box saying "offer to settle some of the issues" is not checked.
I don't profess to have the right answer here but you may want to check with a lawyer on this one. The "offer to settle all issues" may stem from the court paperwork that lists all the issues to be dealt with in court. In our offers to settle we were instructed to say "this offer is non severable and must be accepted in whole" when we did not want mom to cherry pick.

Maybe it is letting you buy his arrears... we bought mom to get a bit more access and we offered to pay for most everything and anything to get some distance between us because she annoys the sh*t out of us lol. It's a give and take. I know it is hard to swallow some time but consider what accepting the offer will provide you and that child, as opposed to what they gain. Ultimately you have to be at peace with the decision, that was most important to us. We were never obligated to pay for what we do, we did it to gain more autonomy and to alleviate stress. Although, I'd have to say... we gained neither in the end as the BS continues...
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serene View Post
I don't profess to have the right answer here but you may want to check with a lawyer on this one. The "offer to settle all issues" may stem from the court paperwork that lists all the issues to be dealt with in court. In our offers to settle we were instructed to say "this offer is non severable and must be accepted in whole" when we did not want mom to cherry pick.

Maybe it is letting you buy his arrears... we bought mom to get a bit more access and we offered to pay for most everything and anything to get some distance between us because she annoys the sh*t out of us lol. It's a give and take. I know it is hard to swallow some time but consider what accepting the offer will provide you and that child, as opposed to what they gain. Ultimately you have to be at peace with the decision, that was most important to us. We were never obligated to pay for what we do, we did it to gain more autonomy and to alleviate stress. Although, I'd have to say... we gained neither in the end as the BS continues...
I don't have to swallow any time. He's not buying time with his child, he's selling it. He doesn't ask for anything to do with her - nothing.

He's saying cancel the arrears and I'll give you sole - if the offer is not severable.

I'll check on that box thing. Its part of the SC Brief form.
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:25 AM
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At the end of the day you either accept it or refuse it in whole or part.
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:28 AM
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At the end of the day you either accept it or refuse it in whole or part.
Does he have an obligation to request access time. I mean any access time? He makes zero plan to see her ever again.

Well, accepted in part on custody for sure. He may not want to see her again, but, I can't wait until she gets up in the morning. It's braces day
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:31 AM
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Not sure what you mean - A moral obligation yes. But there is no legal basis for him to request access to his child.

I'd recommend some counselling. Many schools have a rainbow program for kids in these situations.

It's hard to swallow though isn't it? I get it.
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Old 03-13-2014, 08:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serene View Post
Not sure what you mean - A moral obligation yes. But there is no legal basis for him to request access to his child.

I'd recommend some counselling. Many schools have a rainbow program for kids in these situations.

It's hard to swallow though isn't it? I get it.
This is the part I can't understand.

Access is the right of the child is it not?
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Old 03-13-2014, 09:03 AM
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This is the part I can't understand.

Access is the right of the child is it not?
One would hope so, but I guess you have to think of what is best for the child. You cannot force someone to be a parent and in some situations, it is better for the child not to have a lot of contact with a very disinterested parent then to be forced into a relationship with them.

Your daughter seems old enough to understand what is going on and if her Dad doesn't care about a relationship with her that isn't something you can force. Very sad for the child, but at least she has you to support her.
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Old 03-13-2014, 10:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
One would hope so, but I guess you have to think of what is best for the child. You cannot force someone to be a parent and in some situations, it is better for the child not to have a lot of contact with a very disinterested parent then to be forced into a relationship with them.

Your daughter seems old enough to understand what is going on and if her Dad doesn't care about a relationship with her that isn't something you can force. Very sad for the child, but at least she has you to support her.
Well, I'm at a loss. Last time in court he fought for more access. Now he gives up custody with no request at all for access.

My argument at previous proceedings was that it wasn't in her best interests to increase access, but OCL disagreed. I argued that she was capable of making a decision regarding how much to see her dad, he disagreed and OCL agreed with him. Now she is old enough? or is she old enough because he doesn't care?

At the end of the day, I guess it doesn't matter. He gives up custody and doesn't need to justify that I suppose.

I just finished my SC brief. There is a section at the end "Offer to Settle". That's how he presented his offer to settle. Do I do the same in my SC brief, with my own offer to settle?
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Old 03-16-2014, 12:23 AM
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In regards to your SC brief... yes you must also attach an Offer to Settle if you have not already served one. It is a required part of the brief. SC is just that...a conference to try to settle some or all of the issues. Your Offer should outline your best "shot" (or at least a reasonable one) at settling this. Your Offer is also important from a costs point of view down the road if you are unable to settle.
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