OCL Request & Dening Access Questions

[MamaDM]

Hello there,

I am representing myself at present and am writing to find out how to file request of OCL involvement properly. As well I need to separately request that the new wife of the ex be dennied access to the children and attending functions school, extra curricular etc. Do you file these as emergency motions or are they a complete Motion to Vary? These issues are not addressed in the current final order which is way out dated.

I thank-you for your time and assistance.

[dadtotheend]

Here's some experience

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...olvement-2842/

[MamaDM]

Interesting reading yes. I am happy things worked out for you.

How is it the request filed though - emergency motion or motion to vary for paperwork wise? I want to do this up tonight and file and serve tomorrow.

[NBDad]

As well I need to separately request that the new wife of the ex be denied access to the children and attending functions school, extra curricular etc.

Unless she is a documented danger to the children, you can't, as long as she is with HIM. If she IS a documented danger, then get an RO against her or involve CAS. (Depending on the situation, as well as where you live.)

You'll potentially have a hell of a time pulling that off in court, so your best bet is to get the ex to agree.

[MamaDM]

Abandoning one of the children at her friends house, whom they don't know without contact numbers or a means of contacting their family when they wish to leave.

daily throwing their shoes out the door into the yard. One child reported their shoes outside in the dog feces covered in bugs during a phone call snuck in while dad and his new wife were not home and they were home alone.

weekly and daily grounding the children and correcting them when it's the parents job - dad or mom to discipline and legally she has no rights to have custody or discipline or legal invovlement with school, medical, dental, etc.

Dad's choosing of the new wife regardless of the children's feelings or wishes being reported. They feel 2nd rate and worthless to dad.

Degrading the youngest as to how "fat" she is.

13 year old left with her sister for extended time alone and always in charge of her sister in favor of their parties and outings.

new spouse taking children out of province

new spouse attending school and excurricular activities, taking responsibilities

children voice their dislike and disinclination to spend time with her on a regular basis. "the crazy lady" "evil step" etc.

these are just a few of the concerns.

She is unfit as is he but that's a different matter all together. I just need to know how to file the paperwork to bring it to the courts and OCL.

[dadtotheend]

Schedule a case conference and ask for an order for OCL involvement. If your ex doesn't agree bring a motion.

[MamaDM]

We have just gone through mediation which failed (I was successful to get the judge to tell him he had to attend despite it being in the agreement already). I will certainly contact his lawyer's office tomorrow to request this. I represent myself. The result I am very sure will be the same as mediation. If things are not his way he is unwilling to bend or deal in any way and states his preferrence to take this to court. (although it's a threat which has been empty for years as he won't initiate anything in court to-date) This is all regardless of what the children have stated even to third parties ie: school officials and friends - which is what I am working from in conjunction to their own reports to myself. Thanks for the reply dadtotheend.

[Mess]

Originally Posted by MamaDM

Abandoning one of the children at her friends house, whom they don't know without contact numbers or a means of contacting their family when they wish to leave.

This is an unclear description, but I have to remark that there was once an era before cell phones and we all survived without 24/7 access to calling our parents. Presumably they weren't abused while at the friend's house and they were picked up, just not "when they wished"?

daily throwing their shoes out the door into the yard. One child reported their shoes outside in the dog feces covered in bugs

For no reason? For some reason? Because the kids were tracking mud inside? Yes, maggots are gross, my 6 year old stepped in dog feces and tracked them into the house this summer.

during a phone call snuck in while dad and his new wife were not home and they were home alone.

A lot of innuendo packed into one phrase. I'm surprised dad doesn't take the phone with him when he goes out. Do you think that 11-12 year olds shouldn't be at home alone?

weekly and daily grounding the children and correcting them when it's the parents job - dad or mom to discipline and legally she has no rights to have custody or discipline or legal invovlement with school, medical, dental, etc.

You are correct that a step parent has no legal authority beyond that of a baby sitter, but in practice there are many step parents fully involved and integrated into their step children's lives. It's not illegal for the step to be involved in discipline or correction, just as it is not illegal for a school teacher to discipline or correct. Is she beating them? I'm sure you would have mentioned it if she was. As to school, medical, dental etc, it is not illegal for the step parent to be involved, as long as she has the father's consent she can take them to the dentist, doctor, school, make appointments etc. Tens of thousands of families with steps operate this way and the children would suffer if they didn't.

Dad's choosing of the new wife regardless of the children's feelings or wishes being reported. They feel 2nd rate and worthless to dad.

Dad does not need the children's consent to choose a new wife, nor does he need yours. It sounds like he didn't handle it perfectly, but how many of us do? It's extremely common for children to resent the new relationship, that is human nature and not unique to your ex.

Degrading the youngest as to how "fat" she is.

I'm not going to defend this, I wasn't there and I doubt you were either. Most would feel degraded at even a mention of weight due to health concerns; how bad it was I don't know.

13 year old left with her sister for extended time alone and always in charge of her sister in favor of their parties and outings.

This does not consitute any form of abuse. 13 year olds are legally able to babysit and many many families rely on siblings to care for their youngest. It's a pain in the ass for the teen, so is cleaning her room and putting away her laundry.

new spouse taking children out of province

Nothing illegal about this as long as the father consents.

new spouse attending school and excurricular activities, taking responsibilities

Nothing wrong with this as long the father consents. Technically the school should require his signature on consent forms, not hers, but he is backing her up. Your issue here would be with the school board policy, but again, many families have step parents who are fully involved with their children.

children voice their dislike and disinclination to spend time with her on a regular basis. "the crazy lady" "evil step" etc.

This is sad, and I'm not being sarcastic, but it is not abuse. Kid's that age are full of hyperbole like that, you should hear my 13 year old talk about her evil, crazy gym teacher.

these are just a few of the concerns.

She is unfit as is he but that's a different matter all together. I just need to know how to file the paperwork to bring it to the courts and OCL.

You have that backwards. You don't have a case to take the OCL just because they don't like her, didn't approve of the wedding etc. The matter should be if she is unfit and you have factual evidence of this.

I'm not saying all this to be hard on you, you need to have a better presentation of relevent facts to make your case on. All you are saying is that you don't like her, they don't like her, she is jumping in and acting like a mother. This won't get you an OCL investigation.

[MamaDM]

Thanks for the response Mess. I'm not saying I don't like her. She's the mistress from the marriage. I have known about her for years. No matter. Past caring when I filed years ago. I'm mom first, women last.

My request of the OCL is not based solely on her but him. The request to have her denied accesss comes from these issues which keep being created on an ongoing basis plus dad's unwillingness to address them via mediation, discussion etc based on these involving her. He egotistically thinks I'm jealous and this is the reasoning. Honestly, I don't care about him and her. That's done, gone, over and I've moved on from it. I do care about my kids and their well being.

Communication has always been and continues to be an issue, yet one that has to be overcome. Basic growing up and moving on needs to be done for both sides I would say.

No the children don't like her or approve yet there are other issues for requesting OCL involvement which are all on dad's side including alienation, refussal to cooperate, refusall to listen to the children's opinion, having them read all materials emails court papers etc., telling them inappropriate things...the list is long and I just want someone to address this for the kids legal rights to be protected while mom and dad slug it out.

I have been told though that I can get her denied access by both legal and OPP suggestions. Also that because of our travel permission clause dad needs to have it passed by me first and he failed to do so 3 times this year. I just need to figure out the how to have these and other issues addressed.

I am going to try this case conference thingy though. Worse that can happen is they say no, I keep filing motions. Best case, kids get a win win situation and hopefully before Christmas for them. They are sick of all this as we all are in own respective situations, I'm sure.

Thanks again.

[dadtotheend]

The OCL takes on high conflict cases, usually where violence, substance abuse, mental health and/or CAS involvement have been factors.

From what little you describe, it will be a tough sell getting them to take the case.

You should definitely study this:

Ministry of the Attorney General - Intake Form for Custody/Access

I put in a HUGE amount of time and effort completing the intake form to the absolute best of my abilities to maximize the chances that the OCL would take the case. I also went WAY out of my way to be child centred in completing the form. I also added in many extra pages of addendums as the space provided in the forms was insufficient.

I believe all that went a fair distance in having them agree to get involved.

Even after that, my ex didn't complete her intakes forms and the OCL declined to get involved at first. It was only after we went back to court and got another order for her to complete the forms that they agreed to get involved. That added another 3 months to the proceedings. In hindsight it was clear to me that she didn't want them involved because she knew the truth would come out (which it did and it was even worse then I thought), so she tried to stall and delay her way out of it.

Also, be aware that your ex will be able to put up a roadblock to their involvement by not agreeing to having them and/or delaying or simply not completing the intake forms. You will have to be persistent.