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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 09-30-2015, 12:56 PM
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Sitting on your hands is exactly what you should do. What is the alternative? Demanding your ex provide you with the names and biographies of everyone she dates? Giving her a no-fly list of people whom you do not wish her to introduce your child to?

If you have FIRM grounds for suspecting that your child is being neglected or abused (not just your ex's comment that the baby-daddy isn't happy), call CAS. From your posts, it sounds like there have already been allegations about abuse and domestic violence flying around, and judges are not too sympathetic to that stuff.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 09-30-2015, 01:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bautista27 View Post
I realize its her business who sleeps with. She's had many partners, men and women, since our separation and I really don't care.

I am concerned about the men she brings into the home, as I have no clue who they are and if my child is exposed.

The OCL mentioned I should do background checks on the men if I was concerned. What are the chances my ex would be truthful with who she brought into her apartment?

And for the record, according to my ex, this was an accidental pregnancy, and the random dude was totally opposed to having the baby, but she was trying to get him to have it. A concerned parent might get worried about the possibility of violence in this scenario! What if my daughter becomes a collateral to the violence?
It seems that Stripes and SadandTired is advocating sitting on my hands and doing nothing.
Accidental pregnancy says nothing about parenting decisions whatsoever, unless your child was actually in the room when said pregnancy was conceived.

I don't follow your logic in an unwanted pregnancy being a possibility of violence. Some people just don't want kids, that doesn't make them violent.

Background checks are ridiculous. Unless you have evidence of some kind of neglect or abuse happening at the hands of her mother or her mother's friends, you really have no case for anything. Would you be less concerned if mom had a steady stream of friends visiting if she weren't sleeping with any of them?
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 09-30-2015, 01:16 PM
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She did have friends visiting, I didn't/don't care.
She did have men visiting, I didn't/don't care

Knowing that random dude was vehemently against the pregnancy, I am inferring to worst case result. The ones we hear on the news. It's weak, but maybe it's a parent's natural reaction to worry. I wouldn't be the first.
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Old 09-30-2015, 01:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bautista27 View Post
Hey everyone,

I am dealing with an OCL report that in my opinion is based on prejudicial influence and false allegations.

The OCL rep told me during disclosure that she feels that most kids of a divorce if they were asked when 18 where they would have preferred living, they would say one home. Which is a loaded question since it doesn't ask if they want to live in one home with both parents, or that by choosing one home, one parent becomes a visitor.

I found this to be extremely prejudicial because 1. That's not true. No kid barring abuse would want to make one of their parents a visitor in their life.
2. It totally negates one of the parent's rights to raise their child and forcibly diminishes the parent's role in that child's life.

On top of that, the EX made numerous false claims and allegations, which totally influenced the OCL's recommendation, eventho the OCL rep admitted she didn't know if they were true or not.

For example, the OCL rep recommended transfers occurring at a third party site eventho every weekend for 10 months now, transfers have occurred door to door without issue.
Evenmore incredible was that eventho the EX deviously hid my daughter in a shelter for 4 months, transfers were occurring door to door at the shelter after a single initial third party transfer site. A hidden shelter that is supposedly to be for abused women who are afraid that their former partners find out where they are.

The EX is claiming she is afraid of me and can't communicate with me, eventho she has stayed in my house on 4 separate occasions in the past 8 months because of bed bugs and I have reams of emails and text messages showing how we do communicate well and there is not a single instance of her displaying fear or intimidation.

What to do?

ps. going to trial, of course, but any suggestions/reactions to this OCL report?

Jose
Read my post on OCL disputes.
http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...sessors-14200/

then sit and wait, don't do anything until the report is filed. Anything you do can and will be used against you.

P.S. did you get the OCL stating you should do background checks on your ex's partners in writing or in a recording? If so you will likely get the OCL assessor fired for recommending that. That sort of behaviour creates conflict not dispels it. And an OCL assessor making that sort of recommendation is either incompetent or trying to trap you.
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  #25 (permalink)  
Old 09-30-2015, 01:25 PM
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Very interesting. She said it to me over the phone. Haven't seen the report yet.

The OCL assessor did say explicitly that I do have the right to know who is being exposed to my child and I have the right to ask or perform a background check if I have concerns.

Are you saying that's wrong?
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Old 09-30-2015, 01:43 PM
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I don't believe there is any legislation anywhere that gives you the right to insist that background checks be done on everyone your ex is cavorting with. Step back and think about this logically for a minute. If there were such a provision in place, who gets to decide which dude is or isn't ok? What would the criteria be? I don't believe the courts want to be in people's bedrooms (kitchen counters, etc.) and regulate sexual activity - thank goodness.

I think you have have to see things for what they really are. You made poor decision initially in getting together with this woman. With that said, you must remind yourself that she is the mother of your child and will remain so forever. As hard as it might seem right now you will have to find a way to get along with her.

As long as the child is not exposed directly to what she does (even paid prostitution) and child is healthy etc. she will continue to be deemed fit.

I'd try to work with your ex rather than against her.
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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 09-30-2015, 01:51 PM
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regulate sexual activity?

She could be potentially exposing my child to a sexual predator, or a man with a history of domestic violence?
I am not asking to vet her men, I want to know my child is in the safest environment possible. Isn't this a parent's prime directive?

Are you saying I should wait until something happens before doing anything??
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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 09-30-2015, 01:59 PM
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There is nothing you can do about this.

If you read on CanLii you will see that drug addicts and people with history of violence are regularly granted access to their children ALL THE TIME.
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 09-30-2015, 02:06 PM
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Often the best approach is to try to develop a good enough relationship with your ex so that when she is going to visit with her undesirable acquaintances she will drop the child off with you beforehand. People who have poisonous relationships with the other parent cut off their own noses because the relationship is such that the other parent will not give the child the kid for fear it will be used against them. Who suffers in the end? The child of course.

So I'd think long and hard before you decide to get too embroiled in a legal battle. Instead perhaps consider ways that you can keep a semi-respectable relationship with the other parent so you are kept up-to-date with important things which may affect your child.

Not too long ago you thought this other person was hot-stuff correct?
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Old 09-30-2015, 02:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bautista27 View Post
Very interesting. She said it to me over the phone. Haven't seen the report yet.

The OCL assessor did say explicitly that I do have the right to know who is being exposed to my child and I have the right to ask or perform a background check if I have concerns.

Are you saying that's wrong?
100% wrong. You can't control your ex. you can't control who she dates or who she brings into your children's lives. Your separated now.
Her life is her life, your life is your life.

My ex dated someone for 1 1/2 years, before she found out the man had lied about his identity and he was someone else, who was going through criminal court. He had moved in with her, etc. etc. etc.

At the end of the day you have to separate yourself from your ex. Yes you have to protect them, but that doesn't include doing background checks on who she is dating. Do you do background checks on your children's teachers, on the parents who children invite your children to birthday parties. No you don't, you only act once you have evidence of something. And raise your children to know that at any time they can come and tell you something and that you will stop everything and be there to listen.
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