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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #81 (permalink)  
Old 06-28-2017, 08:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Dad1985 View Post
I've taken three different parenting courses thus far. I've gone to weekly counselling for the past 5 weeks which I may cut down to a monthly/biweekly thing as it's nice to talk to someone but nothing has changed much as weeks go on.

The mother has essentially told me that she wants me to be apart of her daughter's life and wants to transition her slowly to more access. She has said she will be proposing sole. I don't want to give up on joint/shared but this has been bad news for me all along the way
careful she could just be telling you that to set up for sole custody then later say screw you. What she tells you isnt worth the paper its written on, your word against hers.

Why wont she agree to joint/shared but working up to more access? The only difference is she wont have sole.
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  #82 (permalink)  
Old 06-28-2017, 08:30 PM
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I've taken three different parenting courses thus far. I've gone to weekly counselling for the past 5 weeks which I may cut down to a monthly/biweekly thing as it's nice to talk to someone but nothing has changed much as weeks go on.

The mother has essentially told me that she wants me to be apart of her daughter's life and wants to transition her slowly to more access. She has said she will be proposing sole. I don't want to give up on joint/shared but this has been bad news for me all along the way
Don't give up on counselling. Don't let what _she_ says about you effect you. It aounds to me the OCL just wrote up whatever mom wanted into a report. You can't let the other parent break your trust - the trust in yourself - by manipulating you - trust yourself. Pick up new hobbies and make new friends. Go out with a friend and have yourself a blast (being careful not to get wasted or anything like that). Using alcohol for worries won't help. It will make it worst.

Again. Forget what _mom_ says. You know your children well enough to know what's best for them. Don't give up that trust to the mom.
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  #83 (permalink)  
Old 06-28-2017, 09:03 PM
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Thanks triton
I've been told many times I worry too much about what mom says and it's true.

The mom hasn't made any irrational decisions that I would have disagreed with. Everything she's done so far for our daughter I completely commend and agree with other than cutting access from me. Of course there is concern she may take advantage of this opportunity.

I've also thought what decisions would I impose that would make any difference anyways. The mother hasn't made any careless decisions.

My overall main concern has been access. If it's part of the offer to increase my access my worrys of not seeing my daughter grow up will be gone.

The concern for continuing the court process is I don't want the next 16 years to be back and forth between my ex and I.
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  #84 (permalink)  
Old 06-28-2017, 10:23 PM
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The mom hasn't made any irrational decisions that I would have disagreed with. Everything she's done so far for our daughter I completely commend and agree with other than cutting access from me. Of course there is concern she may take advantage of this opportunity.
So then what exactly is the reason for not granting joint custody if you guys haven't disagreed on any decisions? Custody is regarding decisions effecting education health and religion. If the only disagreement is access then that is not a reason to oppose joint. Just curious, what percentage of access are they offering you? less than or greater than 40%?

regarding continuing court process, don't be fooled by the fave she's giving now to get sole custody and cut you out of all decisions. You will be surprised to see her true side as soon as she's got the court order and chances are you will be back in court. But once you're back, you've already admitted to being unfit and not worthy enough of a parent to have any say in your child's upbringing.

children truly benefit when both parents agree on decisions. if she makes a decision later one you won't have a say even if you disagree on it. let it be choice of school or counsellor. you may not even know your childs in counselling. if you're going to consent to sole custody then you should be offering many sanctions such as

other parent must discuss and attempt to make a decision with you prior to making any decisions on her own.

othet parent must keep you informed of all professionals involved with child and their contact information.

section 7 expenses must be agreed upon. (joint custody isn't needed for this)

other parent shall not be permitted to remove child from jurisdiction.

other parent must give you all documents when child is in your care ( passport, etc)

just some items off top of my head but likely many more that you will need in there if you are giving up custody.

hope you realize how easily she could get up and file a motion to move to another province (and how the odds would be in her favour as she has sole custody)

glad your primary focus is access but just know that custody is just as important.

look forward to hearing what percentage the access they are proposing to you for the next 5 years is.
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  #85 (permalink)  
Old 06-28-2017, 11:00 PM
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Is there opportunity for me to work on the access part now and have that increased going forward while putting custody on the back burner for now.

Using the increased access to continue to build the relationship as my daughter is only 2. For mental health stuff to be considered far behind.

Essentially revisiting it when my daughter is 4-5 and I've had time with her.

She has said she will offer every othrr weekend which for me could be Friday 8am to Monday 4pm as I work a 4 day Mon to Thurs night schedule.
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  #86 (permalink)  
Old 06-28-2017, 11:03 PM
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Well thus far she really hasnt included me in any decision making.

But I have no issues with what she's done so far. We live in the same jurisdiction and I would like to not have that changed. She has strived in daycare. Is in good health. Clothed. Fed.
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  #87 (permalink)  
Old 06-29-2017, 11:27 AM
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why can't you have her during day when she's working and you're not?

if she's not involving you in any of the decisions then it's not that there is no communication, but rather,that she doesn't communicate with you. If you do not disagree with any of her decisions then you obviously would have agreed to them.

what schedule do you have for holidays and summer? what do you have in mind for when child goes to school?

Last edited by trinton; 06-29-2017 at 11:32 AM.
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  #88 (permalink)  
Old 06-29-2017, 11:30 AM
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My current work schedule is Mon to Thurs 4 - 3am

I guess it's explained that she goes to daycare during the day.

I currently just have her Sunday 2:30 - 6:30. The judge did say in the settlement she thinks it should be increased. So I asked for 12-8 on Sunday. The response was that I can have an extra hour because it interferes with her schedule
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  #89 (permalink)  
Old 06-29-2017, 12:06 PM
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Everything that has been requested has just been a take it or nothing since.
During the offered supervised time it was bascislly this or nothing.
Now she feels the power from ocl and our settlement conference.

There will be an offer of gradual increase to every other weekend. But I see the gradual increase being over a long period of time. Plus sole to the mother.
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Old 06-29-2017, 01:01 PM
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Hey everyone

Need some help on the previous.

Had my settlement conference today.

Our offer put together a gradual increase starting in October to overnightd to an eventual shared after about a year and a half.

During the settlement convergence at Kitchener court house the judge completely ripped apart my side. She wasn't agreeable to joint. Thought the increase was too soon (mentioned over 5 years). Fully endorsed my ex to move as long as concent was given.

My lawyer mentioned that this is along the lines of how the judge operates.

At this point is it worth pursuing at trial?
I would be ordering a copy of the recordings for that day. So you have those comments preserved. Any judge who says things like that needs to take more child focused training. Perhaps a strategic complaint to the judicial body after you trial is over.

What the judge did, is tend-amount to feeding the fire of conflict. Which is not in the interests of justice. Perhaps if more people called judges up when they made statements like this, things would start to change.

I don't know your case, but 5 years to get to equal shared is far far to long. your chances of changing access after 5 years is pretty remote.

Run, don't walk to trial. You won't have this judge at trial. So that is one positive you can take from this.

The judge has given permission for mom to move provided you give consent, means nothing. Your not going to give consent so the point is mute.

It sounds like this was a scare tactic, and a test toward mom, to see if she miss behaves. Stay the course.

Beware of the sirens.

In Greek mythology, the Sirens (Greek singular: Σειρήν Seirēn; Greek plural: Σειρῆνες Seirēnes) were dangerous creatures, who lured nearby sailors with their enchanting music and voices to shipwreck on the rocky coast of their island.
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