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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 05-08-2017, 07:45 PM
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Im sorry.
By CAS im thinking Childrens Aid Soceity.

There may be something im missing as far as a CAS report.
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Old 05-08-2017, 07:59 PM
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There won't be any CAS report if CAS was never involved. Funny thing, judge told my ex same thing when they asked me to take parenting courses before eliminating supervised access - "what parenting courses has the mother taken" LOL.

Better starting studying the attachment theory.
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Old 05-08-2017, 08:09 PM
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Trinton,

May I ask what you suggest in regards to attachment theory?

My daughter is 2 years old. She does have a bond with her mother. Although my daughter and I also have a very strong bond. She has been very cared for under my supervision/
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Old 05-08-2017, 08:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad1985 View Post
Trinton,

May I ask what you suggest in regards to attachment theory?

My daughter is 2 years old. She does have a bond with her mother. Although my daughter and I also have a very strong bond. She has been very cared for under my supervision/
She's going to form attachment with you and it's important to keep and protect that attachment. She's a toddler now but as she get's older and get's into her school ages she's going to benefit from at minimum every other weekend . You could have access now during the days at least 2 or 3 days a week (excluding weekends - assuming you will get weekends) but as she get's older I don't see how you can't have her from Friday after school until Monday morning dropped off to school.

Also be sure to set out a holiday schedule. Easter long weekend, halloween, Christmas, March break etc. Summer as well. At least one week each month of the summer to be added to your weekend.

Your order should allow for more time as time passes. Best you try to find a day shift job as she enters her school age.
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Old 05-08-2017, 08:18 PM
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I like to read up on posters history, but you don't have any other threads.

What has happened up until now. You said you have some supervised access, but who decided it had to be that way? Have you had 3-4 hours supervised weekly since the child was born?

Many circumstances require a gradual increase in access. 4 hours for 6 months is not transitioning.
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Old 05-08-2017, 08:36 PM
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Your order should allow for more time as time passes. Best you try to find a day shift job as she enters her school age.

Agreed. We do have a strong bond and im trying to preserve that. Ive never missed any visits or opportunities to spend time with my daughter.

What has happened up until now. You said you have some supervised access, but who decided it had to be that way? Have you had 3-4 hours supervised weekly since the child was born?

My ex and I were together for 10 years. 2 weeks after the baby was born she decided she did not want to be with me anymore. At no point did we live together. she had said she will be staying with parents and I could do whatever I wanted. So the time around pregnancy and shortly after I stayed with her parents.

Immediately, after she decided she didn't want to be with me I moved back with my parents. She set up a schedule of 4 days 3 hours. cut that down to 9. cut that down to 7.5. cut it to 4. than to 3.5. than to 3. all which were supervised. I initiated court around the time my daughter was 1. There was no abuse in the relationship.

Our first case conference, Short, although the judge made a stern recommendation to her to be more generous with the time and figure out Christmas. Other party requested OCL and previous Lawyer suggested taking it on since ive done nothing wrong .My ex offered unsupervised at that time (not under any court agreement) and requested my parents do not attend the unsupervised at my home (which is my new home I purchased close to my daughter). My parents came over for the Christmas visit which my ex only offer 2.5 hours. She took away the unsupervised after finding out my parents were over for Christmas day.

unfortunately at no time was there any interim order for any time. The 4 hours just may 6 after OCL recommendations. My current lawyer feels this will show a new status quo and prove that I am a perfectly capable father. My lawyer has just requested I keep a journal of all the visits. We have a speak to may 18 and will likely be booking our settlement at that date.

Sorry long read. There are many other petty arguments
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Old 05-08-2017, 08:58 PM
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Sounds like petty stuff. Even from OCL. What's her issue with your parents?

A few hours a week is never going to show that you're a perfectly capable father. Try to propose a schedule that increases your time every week. In 6 months you should be having the child overnight as long as there aren't any issues.
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Old 05-08-2017, 09:15 PM
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They smoke cigarettes and drink. Never drink before or during the visits.

We are waiting on the OCL report to see the root cause for the decisions. My lawyer did suggest to present a gradual increase plan over a long period of time ie. 2 years. I would like to see an increase in time a lot quicker.

I'm just having concerns now with this OCL report after I feel ive done nothing wrong and only been a good parent.

Going to take parenting courses, get counseling, and continuing to be a great father. Need the settlement case to go well
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Old 05-08-2017, 10:10 PM
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To begin, I'm sure you've acquainted yourself with the Family Law bible ..aka the CLRA? https://www.ontario.ca/laws/statute/90c12

Quote:
20. (1) Except as otherwise provided in this Part, a child’s parents are equally entitled to custody of the child. 2016, c. 23, s. 2 (1).
Although I'm sure you know that.

Quote:
So the time around pregnancy and shortly after I stayed with her parents.
Interesting. How involved were you during the pregnancy. One could infer that since you were with "her" parents that you were still involved and helping out in any way you could. She can leave you all she wants .. but half you DNA was in her belly. Pregnancy brings mothers and daughters very close, and if you lived there, you were very much a part of it from the very beginning. Remember that point.

Quote:
Immediately, after she decided she didn't want to be with me I moved back with my parents. She set up a schedule of 4 days 3 hours.
What was your exact response? This is VERY important. Do you have proof of communication where you are adamant about being an equal parent? Perhaps an e-mail stating your discontent over her sudden unilateral decisions?

If not, you may be found to "acquiescence" the situation. Pay attention to that word. A fancy one for permit or consent. If you just bowed your head and said okay, that's not good. If you stood up and said no way, that's good .. but only if you have proof of it. Judges won't want he said/she said garbage .. only FACTS that they can read.

This law:

Quote:
(4) Where the parents of a child live separate and apart and the child lives with one of them with the consent, implied consent or acquiescence of the other of them, the right of the other to exercise the entitlement of custody and the incidents of custody, but not the entitlement to access, is suspended until a separation agreement or order otherwise provides. R.S.O. 1990, c. C.12, s. 20 (4); 2016, c. 23, s. 2 (3).
As seen above, even if you did consent or keep quiet when she did this she still can't take away parenting time (access), just decision-making (custody). Thus, whether you consented or not .. you were always still entitled access. She doesn't just get to wear the crown of queen schedule dictator just because she doesn't like you as a partner. Not how it works.
Quote:
She set up a schedule of 4 days 3 hours. cut that down to 9. cut that down to 7.5. cut it to 4. than to 3.5. than to 3. all which were supervised.
Why were you supervised? Perhaps I didn't read thoroughly enough .. there are allegations?

Either way the onus is on her to prove the allegations and there were no police reports or CAS involvement throughout your relationship, nor in the end .. so she doesn't really have a foot to stand on if there are allegations. She also allowed access in the beginning.

I'm not surprised that cutting your access whenever her precious heart desired pissed a judge off. Judges HATE this kind of stuff and don't take kindly to discouraging relationships between parents and children for no good reason.

Be sure to have a "color-coded" schedule with days given vs days denied and use a monthly graph to show the evolution of her killing access to your child. Judges are good readers .. but like most of us..very visual.

Quote:
There was no abuse in the relationship.
That's a very good thing. Thereason it's a very good thing is that you don't meet the criteria for "past conduct" and "violence and abuse", which are:

Quote:
Past conduct
(3) A person’s past conduct shall be considered only,

(a) in accordance with subsection (4); or

(b) if the court is satisfied that the conduct is otherwise relevant to the person’s ability to act as a parent. 2006, c. 1, s. 3 (1); 2016, c. 23, s. 7 (2).

Violence and abuse
(4) In assessing a person’s ability to act as a parent, the court shall consider whether the person has at any time committed violence or abuse against,

(a) his or her spouse;

(b) a parent of the child to whom the application relates;

(c) a member of the person’s household; or

(d) any child.
2006, c. 1, s. 3 (1); 2016, c. 23, s. 7 (2, 3).
You don't meet the criteria of the above CLRA rule. Your ability to parent is apparently very in tact.

Quote:
Our first case conference, Short, although the judge made a stern recommendation to her to be more generous with the time and figure out Christmas.
Is there any mention of this in the endorsement? Such as Ms____ has 7 days to make an offer of access that is reasonable...etc? This kind of stuff would be great. I'd even get teh Case Conf transcripts and make a nice highlighted exhibit for the judge to read that. I know you're not supposed to but thats the joy of self-representing .. oops. Judges LOVE to read other judges thoughts. I also recall that the LAO lawyer repping my ex used case conference transcripts in a motion .. and the judge just didn't say anything. Something to think about.

Quote:
Other party requested OCL and previous Lawyer suggested taking it on since ive done nothing wrong
Yep .. I made that mistake pal. I thought these folks were out for the kids. Nope, they'er out to project whatever BS they experienced in real life. But then again I'm very biased from my situation. My OCL said that fathers shouldn't bathe their daughters during access, called CAS and suspended access. When CAS found nothing after a thorough investigation and I was to have access, my ex was conveniently on a little vacation in QC at some cottage. It was another 2 weeks I waited until she was off her vacation.

We agreed because they were supposed to be the child's voice .. but children want both equal parents in the absence of anything that would cause harm. Children deserve a mother and father equally in their life.

Forget the OCL and their recommendations. Work on getting them thrown out.

Quote:
She took away the unsupervised after finding out my parents were over for Christmas day.
This is all kinds of terrible. Please tell me you were smart enough to have her saying all this on a document of some sort. Otherwise...he said/she said trash.

Quote:
My current lawyer feels this will show a new status quo and prove that I am a perfectly capable father. My lawyer has just requested I keep a journal of all the visits.
Bring your parenting course certificates. Remember, the onus is on THEM to prove that you don't have the ability to properly parent. Bring anything you can to think of to show you're amazing. Christ, I even had "bowel movement schedules" to track her BM's. They were all in my writing and only 2 slots with her. You have to show anything you can.

Quote:
My lawyer did suggest to present a gradual increase plan over a long period of time ie. 2 years. I would like to see an increase in time a lot quicker.
Gradual's not a bad thing and may be necessary given the age of the child. Just focus on the pot of old at teh end of the tunnel./ I was also forced months without seeing my child, then forced 3 hours/week for months. Now I'm 50/50. Just NEVER give up .. that's your child.

Quote:
I'm just having concerns now with this OCL report after I feel ive done nothing wrong and only been a good parent.
Use that report as toilet paper. My judge couldn't throw that thing away fast enough.

I've read enough caselaw now to know that judges don't just accept these reports. They're thoroughly analyzed and highly scrutinized. Bash the report to pieces and have the judge consider it expunged.

Quote:
Going to take parenting courses, get counseling, and continuing to be a great father. Need the settlement case to go well
You already are a good father. You just have to go an extra mile that most fathers dont to prove yourself. You can do it.

Last edited by LovingFather32; 05-08-2017 at 10:13 PM.
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 05-08-2017, 11:01 PM
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LovingFather32. Your response has been truly helpful. Especially in this time after the OCL report.

How involved were you during the pregnancy?
I went out to all ultrasound appointments, regular appointments, provided during the pregnancy, offered support....ultimately told I was not there for her.

What was your exact response? This is VERY important. Do you have proof of communication where you are adamant about being an equal parent?

I may have communication regarding this. Although I did get a lawyer short after and made it clear I wanted to be an active parent. Agreed that conversations will help the situation.

Why were you supervised?

My ex has accused me of serious mental health problems that make me a threat to the child. She therefore used this as reasoning why I need to be supervised and stuck to it. I had previous issues with anxiety that were dealt with by mental health professionals and my doctor. OCL has spoken and got documents from both my clinician and doctor stating I am perfectly fine and in good health.

Is there any mention of this in the endorsement?

I will go to the courts and ask for the transcripts of the case. The Judge did not create a timeline but left it up to the EX. She did not withhold to it.

This is all kinds of terrible. Please tell me you were smart enough to have her saying all this on a document of some sort. Otherwise...he said/she said trash.

I have a long email from her saying she took away time and that my daughter smelled of cigarettes although my parents weren't smoking during the visit.

I plan on taking as many parenting courses as possible just to ensure it is not an issue.
I agree that the gradual increase may be a good thing. I will need the judge to find no reason to disagree with my settlement offer at the case. I will need to be fully endorsed regardless my ex will probably still look for trial.

Unfortunately, she has done a good job of painting a picture of me as she has kept texts from years back to 2014. In the relationship we did share things with each other that are no being used against me. Mostly mental health but she has basically attached pages, and pages. and pages of texts.
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