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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 12-17-2013, 04:03 PM
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Default Obligations to provide new partner details

Looking for some insight here please. I have been separated from my common-law ex for 3 years. I have a new partner that I have been with for 2 years of which my ex has been aware of. We moved into a new home together last May. I received a letter from my ex's lawyer stating that I am to provide my new partner's name, occupation and if he has had a background check to my ex. What, if anything, am I obligated to provide. Lawyer is indicating that if I do not provide details to ex within 14 days then my ex will "consider a Court Application in this regard and will claim his full costs of same against me."
Ex has been very abusive, has made comments to both myself and my son that he will physically harm new partner. Under a non-confrontational situation, I would have no problem providing some information as I would hope that he would do the same, however, I am concerned about how my ex will utilize this information as well as do not want to be bullied into providing something that I am not required to do.
Appreciate some help.
Thank you
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Old 12-17-2013, 04:17 PM
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Quote:
I received a letter from my ex's lawyer stating that I am to provide my new partner's name, occupation and if he has had a background check to my ex. What, if anything, am I obligated to provide. Lawyer is indicating that if I do not provide details to ex within 14 days then my ex will "consider a Court Application in this regard and will claim his full costs of same against me."
Do you receive SS?

If not, I wouldn't even bother to answer back unless its a free letter to tell his lawyer to go pound sand.

My ex sent me strongly worded letters from his lawyers asking me to cease and desist bringing my "extensive list" of men around our kid. I just ignored them because it would have cost me money to have my lawyer respond with a letter saying "Eff off."

Unless he's asking because you receive non-compensatory SS and wants a variation in the order...its none of his business who you have in your home. And under no circumstances should you comply with his request to invade your privacy if this is the way he's going to ask you. In fact, enjoy ignoring him and pissing him off.
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Old 12-17-2013, 04:25 PM
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As PH said. You are free to associate as you deem fit and use your reasonable judgment about who will be around the kids. He is not entitled to any of the requested information unless, as PS also said, you are a SS recipient and he is looking to adjust his payments as you are now cohabitating and someone else has accepted the responsibility of providing for you.
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Old 12-17-2013, 04:40 PM
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Clip your toenails and carefully glue them onto a piece of paper. Put the paper in the mail to lawyer and simply say "as per your request."

Your ex's lawyer will charge your ex for reading the letter.
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Old 12-17-2013, 05:01 PM
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If your ex has known about your new partner for a year, presumably he knows the new person's name and is capable of using his own resources to check up on the partner. It's reasonable for your ex to want to know who is spending extended periods with his children; it's not reasonable for him to use bullying tactics like lawyer letters to achieve this end, especially if he's known about this for ages.

I don't think you're legally required to provide anything - I believe the polite thing to do is to provide a name and to inform the ex that you and the new partner are now living together. If you've done that, I think you're ethically and legally in the clear and can respond to this silly demand any way you want.

(My only other thought is that he might be gearing up to seek a change in child support (if he's paying it), based on your changed material circumstances. This could be relevant if either a) you have 50/50 shared parenting and he wants to use Section 9 to adjust his payments; or b) he's trying to make an "undue hardship" claim to get his payments reduced. In both cases, it's a long shot and he is being a jerk).
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Old 12-17-2013, 07:05 PM
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I believe the polite thing to do is to provide a name and to inform the ex that you and the new partner are now living together.
The problem with exes like this is that this isn't about wanting to know for the best interest of the children...its about control and intimidation.

I wouldn't tell him a thing until he can learn to respect you and the fact that you're now divorced and ask to meet your new partner like a grown-ass man. You have no ethical obligation to provide information if this is the method he requests it and you'll set a bad precedence if you comply.

I've personally dealt with similar stupid legal threats and I've been through a custody evaluation. Trust me, your ex's lawyer is billing him for blowing smoke. Your ex has zero legal basis to invade your private life and if he dares to bring court action (which is highly unlikely), he's going to seriously piss off a judge. Hell, I'd dare him to do it just for amusement's sake.

The more important thing you should be worried about is if he's poisoning your kids against your new partner. That kind of stuff can be hard on the kids and hard on your new relationship.
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Old 12-17-2013, 07:19 PM
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A lot of context missing here. Hopefully, the original poster will provide more info.
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Old 12-17-2013, 07:24 PM
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Unless there is a court order commanding you to provide information I would do nothing. I wouldn't even respond to the letter. It sounds as though you have moved on with your life and now have a new common law spouse.

You could send a Christmas card to your ex "from the two of us" with the nail clippings inside?
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Old 12-18-2013, 11:01 AM
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I think you need to do the reasonable test: What would a reasonable person want to know?

Quote:
Looking for some insight here please. I have been separated from my common-law ex for 3 years. I have a new partner that I have been with for 2 years of which my ex has been aware of. We moved into a new home together last May.
You moved in last May and 8 months later the ex wants info on the partner? lol

Quote:
I received a letter from my ex's lawyer stating that I am to provide my new partner's name, occupation and if he has had a background check to my ex.
Occupation is irrelevant unless they are involved in organized crime.
Background check? Meaning a vulnerable sector screening?
Why not give the name? That is simple enough. Kids likely know the partner's name anyhow.

Quote:
What, if anything, am I obligated to provide. Lawyer is indicating that if I do not provide details to ex within 14 days then my ex will "consider a Court Application in this regard and will claim his full costs of same against me."
Quote:
Let them know "If your client pursues a Court Application I will consider counter suing for costs and negotiating other issues".

Ex has been very abusive, has made comments to both myself and my son that he will physically harm new partner. Under a non-confrontational situation, I would have no problem providing some information as I would hope that he would do the same, however, I am concerned about how my ex will utilize this information as well as do not want to be bullied into providing something that I am not required to do.
Appreciate some help.
Thank you
If someone is making threats, deal with them seriously.

Even if the situation was not hostile, I fail to see how an individual can think or flex their muscles to obtain a background check, etc. In all honesty, send your ex an email and mention your partner's name so they can demonstrate you have it. Although I would think that your partner's name would be on file with the school for emergency pick ups and to demonstrate that this person also lives with the children? If not, send the school and email and cc your ex on it: Please add Bruce Davey to the children's school files for an emergency pick up contact.

Then problem is solved, your ex has the name. You didn't need to respond to the lawyer through the lawyer and ignore everything else. If you want to respond to the lawyer, do so advising them you have cost considerations of your own.

Then drink some wine and leave it be.
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Old 12-18-2013, 11:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trix5603 View Post
Looking for some insight here please. I have been separated from my common-law ex for 3 years. I have a new partner that I have been with for 2 years of which my ex has been aware of. We moved into a new home together last May. I received a letter from my ex's lawyer stating that I am to provide my new partner's name, occupation and if he has had a background check to my ex. What, if anything, am I obligated to provide. Lawyer is indicating that if I do not provide details to ex within 14 days then my ex will "consider a Court Application in this regard and will claim his full costs of same against me."
Ex has been very abusive, has made comments to both myself and my son that he will physically harm new partner. Under a non-confrontational situation, I would have no problem providing some information as I would hope that he would do the same, however, I am concerned about how my ex will utilize this information as well as do not want to be bullied into providing something that I am not required to do.
Appreciate some help.
Thank you
Absolutely nothing. Do nothing, no response is warranted as there is zero requirements under Family Law to provide such information. If they do decide to move forward with an application, let a judge determine if and what you are obligated to provide.

Let the burden of proof fall on them as to why you are or should be required to provide it.
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