Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 06-18-2014, 10:44 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 160
vocalfather is on a distinguished road
Default Not sure what else to do here....

I could really use some input here. I'm at a loss as to what to do. Some quick/history. Separated back in 2011 after being threatened physically from diagnosed mentally ill ex-wife. Years of verbal abuse and garbage. I was done. She turned around - ran to a shelter, couldn't find kids. Settled for joint/shared custody (big mistake) and we each have the kids one week at a time.

Since that time (almost 3 years) never followed the agreement. Used all kinds of government agencies, child protection agencies and police against me without success.

Tried to suggest mediation but she simply won't despite it being a clause in our agreement. I can't keep doing this with her. She's grilling the kids for info constantly. Her paranoia is worse than ever and again, not following the agreement at all. I've all but refused to communicate at all and use third parties and websites like myfamilywizard.com to monitor our conversations. She refuses.

How do I proceed? Where do I go from here? This is just not sustainable to parent these kids...any suggestions are welcomed!
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 06-18-2014, 10:50 AM
blinkandimgone's Avatar
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Lucknow
Posts: 5,225
blinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura about
Default

You have the option, should you choose, to ask for sole custody based on the inability to communicate and co-parent.
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 06-18-2014, 12:54 PM
FB_ FB_ is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,407
FB_ will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
You have the option, should you choose, to ask for sole custody based on the inability to communicate and co-parent.
The burden of proof here will be immense.
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 06-18-2014, 01:49 PM
Tayken's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,563
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by vocalfather View Post
Separated back in 2011 after being threatened physically from diagnosed mentally ill ex-wife.
Many people come here alledging they have a "diagnosed mentally ill ex-partner" and that these people of "threating" them generally. I can only assume that you acted accordingly and sought the appropriate criminal charges for a threat of physical violence against you in contravention of the Criminal Code of Canada and/or sought the forming of said "mentally ill" person in accordance with the Ontario Mental Health Act?

Quote:
Originally Posted by vocalfather View Post
Years of verbal abuse and garbage. I was done.
Again, many people come to this forum claiming "verbal abuse" or "emotional abuse" but, many people understand these complex concepts.

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...ase-law-16809/

Quote:
Originally Posted by vocalfather View Post
She turned around - ran to a shelter, couldn't find kids.
Assuming you called the police to report that the children were abducted in contravention of Section 283.(1) of the Criminal Code of Canada ("abduction") then?

Quote:
Originally Posted by vocalfather View Post
Settled for joint/shared custody (big mistake) and we each have the kids one week at a time.
Full joint custody with equal shared residency is an excellent situation and solution to the problem.

Quote:
Originally Posted by vocalfather View Post
Since that time (almost 3 years) never followed the agreement. Used all kinds of government agencies, child protection agencies and police against me without success.
Although a nuisance to deal with eventually these agencies will figure out the pattern and annoy you less. It takes time and patience is very important when dealing with such nonsense.

Quote:
Originally Posted by vocalfather View Post
Tried to suggest mediation but she simply won't despite it being a clause in our agreement.
Private mediation is not enforceable nor is it mandatory per-say. This is a common mistake that people make. You should have agreed to private ARBITRATION instead - which a court can make parties attend if agreed to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by vocalfather View Post
I can't keep doing this with her. She's grilling the kids for info constantly.
How old are the children in the matter? How do you know that the other parent is "grilling" the children? Are you in turn asking them about what is going on the other parent's home too?

There isn't much you can do other than wait for the other parent to attempt to use "evidence" that they have gotten from the children in correspondence. When they do it is better to send them a request to stop and ask them to review the good advice of professionals on why it is important that neither parent meddle in the life of the other.

Your Social Worker - Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

Literally quote the article and attach it. Notify the parent you are in agreement with this recognized professional's opinion and are following and kindly ask the other parent to do so as well... In the best interest of the children.

Now, don't play games about it. Read the article and follow it too! Don't just use it as a tool to "look good". Judges know the difference if the matter comes back to court...

Quote:
Originally Posted by vocalfather View Post
Her paranoia is worse than ever and again, not following the agreement at all.
Careful how you use the term "paranoia". Parental anxiety is common in family law matters. My recommendation to you is to not engage in the conversation or respond to irrelevant requests.

If something is a waste of time, simply identify that the matter is not substantial and you disagree with the content. There are a number of ways to address these kinds of issues. You don't have to "defend" yourself against every email that comes forward.

With regards to not following an agreement. The vast majority (if not 90%) of most "agreements" are not enforcable and are more "good ideas". So, you probably just haven't been told this by your lawyer or someone else. Short of the core elements of custody (major medical decisions, school selection and enrollment, etc...) and the core access schedule... Justices won't enforce any of the "icing" on the "agreement cake" that you signed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by vocalfather View Post
I''ve all but refused to communicate at all and use third parties and websites like myfamilywizard.com to monitor our conversations. She refuses.
Emails are fine and stick to those then. Don't use SMS and don't answer telephone calls. Eventually the other parent will figure out that all communications will be on-the-record.

Quote:
Originally Posted by vocalfather View Post
IHow do I proceed? Where do I go from here? This is just not sustainable to parent these kids...any suggestions are welcomed!
You parent in parallel. Unless your children have major medical conditions... there is very little parents need to communicate day-to-day really. In fact, most parents should practice parallel parenting and really only communicate on "major" issues.

You don't need to communicate daily even with small children. As children get older there should be even less communication.

Also, it has only been 3 years. For some people establishing the fact that you don't need to communicate about nonsense every day can take years to establish.

Good Luck!
Tayken
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 06-18-2014, 01:50 PM
Tayken's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6,563
Tayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant futureTayken has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FB_ View Post
The burden of proof here will be immense.
Near impossible with most Justices these days... Considering a parallel order can be made to limit communications and partition custody responsibilities. But, in reality, custody is so rarely dealt with... Only in situations where a child has special needs does communications need to be considered.
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 06-18-2014, 01:59 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Huron
Posts: 226
DontGiveUp is on a distinguished road
Default

Sole custody is very difficult to attain when you already have a custody arrangement in place, even if she is a nutter
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 06-18-2014, 06:49 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 155
MommyTime is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Get your kids into counselling. If you have the issues you suggest, then no court will deny at least that. Their window in their counselling will open up new doors.

Other than that, what I see in your initial post can come across the paranoia you suggest your X has. Be careful because if you're truly about your children's best interests, you would also recognize the value of the mother's involvement in their lives.

How do you know your X is paranoid and questions your kids about you? Do the kids tell you this? Or do they tell you this because it's something they think you want to hear and are, sadly, caught in the middle.. Not pro mom or dad. I'm pro kids. What kids do tells me most about any situation. It's tragic..

Focus on kids. Not your X. Go from there. Take her to court to get the kids into some program and a professional will be able to disclose what's really happening.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:59 AM.