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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 01-05-2017, 11:10 AM
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When did he ask for increased time and you said no? Probably before he said that. I never said your ex was right, I said you have to be reasonable. Hes hurt and wants to see his kids more. People do stupid things.

Your original question was about weight of another sibling. The answer is no, judges wont put weight on other children. They put weight on relationship with their parents.

Several people here, including myself, have suggested you propose a beneficial 50/50 schedule that shares equally the time each of you has.

Its up to you though. If you are willing to gamble 20,000 or more to prevent your ex from graduated access to his children because you don't want change and think he should be punished for being an idiot, more power to you. The easier solution is to propose a graduated schedule with a six month review if its working and then go from there. Eventually your kids will be able to choose for themselves and they may decide to spend all their time with dad!
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Old 01-05-2017, 01:45 PM
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
When did he ask for increased time and you said no? Probably before he said that. I never said your ex was right, I said you have to be reasonable. Hes hurt and wants to see his kids more. People do stupid things.

Your original question was about weight of another sibling. The answer is no, judges wont put weight on other children. They put weight on relationship with their parents.

Several people here, including myself, have suggested you propose a beneficial 50/50 schedule that shares equally the time each of you has.

Its up to you though. If you are willing to gamble 20,000 or more to prevent your ex from graduated access to his children because you don't want change and think he should be punished for being an idiot, more power to you. The easier solution is to propose a graduated schedule with a six month review if its working and then go from there. Eventually your kids will be able to choose for themselves and they may decide to spend all their time with dad!


Do you not see any issue at all with a guy who says "the kids belong with their mother more" when they were 2 and 3 years old, then had 8 years to ask for more time, and now is doing so because a) he has a girlfriend who is content to cook and organize his life for him and b) is mandated to pay more child support because his "deal" expired? I am a reasonable person and have spent many years trying to have an amicable relationship with him. I have lots of people in my life who have seen all the crap going on and don't think 50-50 will be good for the kids. I know that's what is recommended on here. Lots to think about I guess.


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Old 01-05-2017, 01:56 PM
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No i dont see a problem with it at all. What happened in the past is over. Who he is now means more. Can he be a good father 50% of the time? Time will tell but only if you allow it to happen.

And newsflash: your friends are going to tell you whatever you want to hear. None of them know what kind of a parent he will be going forward and if his gf can help him get his shit together, even better.
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Old 01-05-2017, 02:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
A good person doesn't pull that kind of awful crap on the mother of his children.
One could argue that a good person doesn't pull any type of awful crap on the father of her children.

Perhaps we can have a competition:

1) Father said bad things about mother
2) Mother spent thousands of dollars to restrict access of father to kids

Which crap is crappier?
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Old 01-05-2017, 02:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Janus View Post
One could argue that a good person doesn't pull any type of awful crap on the father of her children.



Perhaps we can have a competition:



1) Father said bad things about mother

2) Mother spent thousands of dollars to restrict access of father to kids



Which crap is crappier?


Wow. I really am incredulous as to why these responses. Obviously you two have your dad's rights agendas. Perhaps a personal issue you faced or are facing? You both think that unless there is no abuse occurring that a dad who basically didn't give a shit is "owed" 50-50? I am under the impression that a judge isn't going to automatically award that just because there is no abuse. From what I have heard in my limited experience, many tend to leave status quo as is.
No offence but my friends and family are the ones who have witnessed what he was like before and after divorce. He spent the night of his daughter's birth with his mistress even though I begged him to stay at the hospital with me. This is the kind of thing my friends and family have witnessed and got me through. He continues to have no morals but then you guys don't really even know the half of it. Contrary to your opinion of me, I am not some white trash money grubbing bitch. I am a university educated professional with a good head on my shoulders. I have a lot of reasons for thinking the way I do. I came to this forum for some help with what I am potentially facing. You don't have to help me if you think I'm just "out to get" my ex. For the record also, this is not "all in the past". It's not all in the past at all. All of this crap is still happening right now.


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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 01-05-2017, 02:33 PM
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Like I said, I have no agenda. Ive commented on posts from dads who have said their exs have mental illnesses are abusive and should have no rights to their kids calling bs on it. Im gender neutral on the whole thing, you just happen to be a woman and he a man. Even if it was the other way around I would still be drumming 50/50.

You should do some research on maximum contact rule.
  #27 (permalink)  
Old 01-05-2017, 03:04 PM
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I think lying to your kids about their mom is a pretty solid reason. The other day we were alone in a waiting room and he started verbally accosting me about all of this. I defended myself a little but then basically told him to stop talking to me. I received an email that afternoon admonishing me for my "awful words and behaviour" in front of our kid. Our kid was in the doctor's office, nowhere near this when it occurred! I have now had to confide in the doctor to supply an actual statement that this did not occur because I know my ex is planning to bring these supposed "examples" of my bad behaviour to court. He has made up quite a few other ones similar to this as well - I have had to surreptitiously record my kids telling me things that would prove my "innocence". Why would he be doing this except to use in court?? Or because he has some psychological disorder maybe....


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very bad form on your part.
I have a question for you. If your ex had a new baby with his current partner (your kids half sibling) then would you allow him to have the child more? If not then you trying to use the reason the child has a half sibling in your family unit wont fly.
  #28 (permalink)  
Old 01-05-2017, 04:01 PM
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Like I said, I have no agenda. Ive commented on posts from dads who have said their exs have mental illnesses are abusive and should have no rights to their kids calling bs on it. Im gender neutral on the whole thing, you just happen to be a woman and he a man. Even if it was the other way around I would still be drumming 50/50.

You should do some research on maximum contact rule.


I don't think anybody on here should be calling bs on anyone else. We don't know eachother's situations. I certainly haven't laid out all of mine for you. I firmly believe that there are situations where the best interests of a child call for a different arrangement than 50-50. If there is no abuse, but still a whole lot of ugly stuff happening, then it is well within reasonable for me to want to keep the status quo. My kids can decide when they are older if they want to see their dad more. Hopefully he won't have succeeded in damaging the relationship I have with them.


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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 01-05-2017, 04:30 PM
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Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
very bad form on your part.
I have a question for you. If your ex had a new baby with his current partner (your kids half sibling) then would you allow him to have the child more? If not then you trying to use the reason the child has a half sibling in your family unit wont fly.


I am not trying to "use" this reason. It comes down to parenting to me and it would be irrelevant whether he had a baby or not. I don't think I am a better choice because I have a baby brother for my kids, I think I am a better choice because I am more involved, more present, don't conduct my life with questionable morals and cheat on partners. I don't miss entire seasons of my kids' sports because it isn't my "parenting night" (his words btw) and I have my own thing to do. I came on here to ask a simple question. I don't think anybody has the right to tell anybody else it is "bad form" to gather evidence that did not hurt your kids in any way, because you know it will be needed when your ex presents his bogus case against you in court. I actually believe my ex has psychological problems. But call bs all you want.


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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 01-05-2017, 04:50 PM
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my 2 cents worth:

I have read many family court cases (on CanLii) where judge lambastes parents who secretly tape their children... judges usually point out that a voice tape or video only presents a snippet of the situation and is weak evidence as voice tapes and/or videos can easily be tampered with.

Court likely would not allow the tape into evidence.
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