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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 01-05-2017, 01:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I am truly excited to hear why you think 15% more custody is owed to this person you don't know and have limited details about
I was just asking what the difference was between 35% and 50%. There are three possibilities:
  1. You want to punish the father (maybe for saying "bad" things about your husband?)
  2. There is some tangible difference between 35% and 50% such that the kids would be better off with 35%
  3. You want to maintain your level of child support

I was hoping that it was #2 and that you would provide some insight.
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Old 01-05-2017, 07:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Janus View Post
I was just asking what the difference was between 35% and 50%. There are three possibilities:


  1. You want to punish the father (maybe for saying "bad" things about your husband?)
  2. There is some tangible difference between 35% and 50% such that the kids would be better off with 35%
  3. You want to maintain your level of child support



I was hoping that it was #2 and that you would provide some insight.


The point is not that there is much difference between 35 and 50. The point is that the status quo is working well. Number 3 is a laugh to me because it is about money for my ex, NOT for me. I would gladly take less CS in exchange for leaving custody as is. In fact, I may have to negotiate that if we mediate before court. Money talks with him. He claims he has a "material change in circumstance" now that he is done renovating his house (a house he has owned for 5 years and has had the kids living comfortably in all this time); however the only thing that has really changed is that he has a girlfriend who keeps him on top of everything and has encouraged him to actually be more involved.This is good but not a MCIS in my opinion. He's still a shift worker with a wonky schedule.
As for number 1 - no I don't wish to "punish" him for saying things to my husband. However, I am also worried about things he says about me to the kids. I already see the effects of it. "Daddy says this....." and "Daddy says that...". Many many lies are told about me, which it is practically a second job trying to gather evidence to the contrary.
I will end by saying that I don't think you should assume I am this horrible punisher you think I am. It is possible that I have good reasons for what I think.


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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 01-05-2017, 09:10 AM
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Your ex being a jerk about you, your new husband or your new child isnt enough of a reason to prevent him from spending more time with his kids. Who cares what he has been doing for the last five years. He wants to see his kids now and work on that relationship. Good for him that he has a woman in his life encouraging him to do more. Good for him for trying to develop his relationship more. Your children deserve both parents in their lives and equal amount of time.

You need to pull your head out of your ass and start thinking about whats best for your kids. Going into court and claiming all this crap wont fly with a judge.
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Old 01-05-2017, 09:18 AM
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The point is not that there is much difference between 35 and 50. The point is that the status quo is working well.
In what specific way would the status quo stop working well if you moved from 35% to 50%?


Quote:
however the only thing that has really changed is that he has a girlfriend who keeps him on top of everything and has encouraged him to actually be more involved.This is good but not a MCIS in my opinion.
So, he wants to be more involved, but legally it isn't a MCIC. Therefore, because you love your children, it is important that he legally establishes a MCIC before he can have more time with the children, because that is what is best for your children. Correct?

Quote:
I will end by saying that I don't think you should assume I am this horrible punisher you think I am. It is possible that I have good reasons for what I think.
Of course it is possible, that is why I was asking

Instead of spending thousands of dollars in court though to try and restrict the time between your children and their father, maybe you should consider other alternatives. To be honest you haven't really articulated any reasons here that would justify the fight.
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Old 01-05-2017, 09:21 AM
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He wants to see them now because he doesn't want to pay the child support he is mandated to pay. His "proposed" agreement is literally all about saving himself money. Money is the motivation, not being the best dad to his kids. I don't think my head is up my ass thanks. I understand your need to side with dad - your issue, not mine. The judge will also have to hear all of his fabricated crap about me and likely won't think highly about some of his actions the past few years.


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Old 01-05-2017, 09:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
He wants to see them now because he doesn't want to pay the child support he is mandated to pay. His "proposed" agreement is literally all about saving himself money. Money is the motivation, not being the best dad to his kids. I don't think my head is up my ass thanks. I understand your need to side with dad - your issue, not mine. The judge will also have to hear all of his fabricated crap about me and likely won't think highly about some of his actions the past few years.


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I think lying to your kids about their mom is a pretty solid reason. The other day we were alone in a waiting room and he started verbally accosting me about all of this. I defended myself a little but then basically told him to stop talking to me. I received an email that afternoon admonishing me for my "awful words and behaviour" in front of our kid. Our kid was in the doctor's office, nowhere near this when it occurred! I have now had to confide in the doctor to supply an actual statement that this did not occur because I know my ex is planning to bring these supposed "examples" of my bad behaviour to court. He has made up quite a few other ones similar to this as well - I have had to surreptitiously record my kids telling me things that would prove my "innocence". Why would he be doing this except to use in court?? Or because he has some psychological disorder maybe....


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Old 01-05-2017, 09:42 AM
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Im actually siding with your kids. They deserve to spend more time with their dad. If you were married and he wasn't such a hands on dad in the marriage, would you say sorry you can only be alone with them this day and this day? No but because you think he doesn't want to pay he shouldn't see them. Funny how you say this is all about money for him but you're arguing that he cant spend more time with them because he doesn't want to pay child support. Leave the money out of it and theres no argument. He's not abusive, they are in a safe environment and they get the love of two more people in their life. If you were male and saying all this crap I would say the same thing. Kids deserve to spend as much time as possible with BOTH parents. There should be no fight. If you don't trust his parenting abilities you ask for a six month trial period to see how it goes.

Good parents work together for the benefit of their kids. Unreasonable people end up in court. You are looking like an unreasonable parent who is trying to deny the other parent their children.
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Old 01-05-2017, 09:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Im actually siding with your kids. They deserve to spend more time with their dad. If you were married and he wasn't such a hands on dad in the marriage, would you say sorry you can only be alone with them this day and this day? No but because you think he doesn't want to pay he shouldn't see them. Funny how you say this is all about money for him but you're arguing that he cant spend more time with them because he doesn't want to pay child support. Leave the money out of it and theres no argument. He's not abusive, they are in a safe environment and they get the love of two more people in their life. If you were male and saying all this crap I would say the same thing. Kids deserve to spend as much time as possible with BOTH parents. There should be no fight. If you don't trust his parenting abilities you ask for a six month trial period to see how it goes.

Good parents work together for the benefit of their kids. Unreasonable people end up in court. You are looking like an unreasonable parent who is trying to deny the other parent their children.


You make it sound like I am preventing them from seeing their dad. I have never denied them their dad at all. He sees them exactly as the custody schedule states. The arrangement he agreed to when we divorced. Courts didn't mandate the 35-65 split by the way - he wanted it! We split holidays. I give extra time in the summer. I am following the agreement to a tee. You make it sound like it is detrimental to all children to not see their parents 50-50. My kids are happy and healthy individuals who love both parents. They don't know any different. Read the above story about him as well to get a bit more insight. This isn't a wonderful man....


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Old 01-05-2017, 10:14 AM
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That was what? Eight years ago? Hes had eight years to improve his life and get to a place where he could have his kids more. He wants to try to have his kids equal time. You need to seriously consider this. Especially if it means letting a judge decide. No matter the he said she said, the judge will see whats in the best interest of the kids and make the determination from there. If there is no abuse or safety issues then the only thing you're left with is "this is so he doesn't have to pay more cs" and "he's a bad man". He will say he has changed his life, changed his home, has a loving supportive partner and a positive happy home for his kids to spend half their time in. What do you think the judge is going to say?

Just about every person on this forum has an ex that says they are a bad person. Its just words. If your ex can provide a benefit to his children by sharing physical custody then you have a battle ahead of you. My advice to you is to think about what is in the best interest of your children going forward and try to be reasonable. Otherwise you will go broke.
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Old 01-05-2017, 10:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
That was what? Eight years ago? Hes had eight years to improve his life and get to a place where he could have his kids more. He wants to try to have his kids equal time. You need to seriously consider this. Especially if it means letting a judge decide. No matter the he said she said, the judge will see whats in the best interest of the kids and make the determination from there. If there is no abuse or safety issues then the only thing you're left with is "this is so he doesn't have to pay more cs" and "he's a bad man". He will say he has changed his life, changed his home, has a loving supportive partner and a positive happy home for his kids to spend half their time in. What do you think the judge is going to say?

Just about every person on this forum has an ex that says they are a bad person. Its just words. If your ex can provide a benefit to his children by sharing physical custody then you have a battle ahead of you. My advice to you is to think about what is in the best interest of your children going forward and try to be reasonable. Otherwise you will go broke.


I would never make any decision that I didn't think was in my children's best interests. For the record, the above example happened LAST WEEK. A good person doesn't pull that kind of awful crap on the mother of his children.


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