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Old 01-04-2017, 06:03 AM
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Default New half sibling and custody disputes

I am just wondering how much weight a judge will put on the fact that there is a new half sibling relationship to consider when deciding custody arrangements (I remarried and had a baby with new husband). In my case, the status quo is 65-35 custody which ex wants increased to 50-50 now after 8 years. I am opposed (for many reasons) and wondering if the sibling in the picture will mean anything to my case.


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Old 01-04-2017, 11:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I am just wondering how much weight a judge will put on the fact that there is a new half sibling relationship to consider when deciding custody arrangements (I remarried and had a baby with new husband). In my case, the status quo is 65-35 custody which ex wants increased to 50-50 now after 8 years. I am opposed (for many reasons) and wondering if the sibling in the picture will mean anything to my case.


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50-50 and use a 2-2-3-3 schedule if the child is <5 years old and if >5 use a 2-2-5-5 based schedule. The new sibling won't impact much or provide you any advantage. Judges (in most jurisdictions with family law centres) are ordering 50-50 access a lot.

Read this thread...

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...plained-13702/

I would recommend you settle on 50-50 and pick one of the two mentioned schedules. To go through trial will cost you WAY MORE than you think.
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Old 01-04-2017, 11:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
50-50 and use a 2-2-3-3 schedule if the child is <5 years old and if >5 use a 2-2-5-5 based schedule. The new sibling won't impact much or provide you any advantage. Judges (in most jurisdictions with family law centres) are ordering 50-50 access a lot.



Read this thread...



http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...plained-13702/



I would recommend you settle on 50-50 and pick one of the two mentioned schedules. To go through trial will cost you WAY MORE than you think.


A lot of people recommend 50-50 I know; however, in my case I don't feel it in my kids' best interests. My ex proposed a 50-50 split in which the kids come to him on all his days off (he is a shift worker) plus weekends he's off. This would eliminate his need for daycare - something he has always opposed paying because "he doesn't need it". Even if I did agree to 50-50, why should he have the luxury of parenting when he isn't working when it wouldn't be the same for me? I would love to have every weekend with my kids - those are my only days off in the month. His proposed plan has him only taking the kids on "days off" which is more about the saving money than the having his kids. I know court is going to be a bucket load. The fact that I am considering it should indicate my comfort level with this man having his kids halftime.


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Old 01-04-2017, 11:31 AM
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A lot of people recommend 50-50 I know;
Propose a age-related access schedule that is a 50-50 one based on what was provided above. Ignore that he is a shift worker.

His dispute is with his employer. The human rights codes/acts all require employers to recognise "family situation". His complexity with his employment situation is HIS to deal with and not yours. He can make a request for accommodations in his shifts based on his "family situation". Divorced families are protected under law. If he has a court ordered access agreement then his employer needs to accommodation it or give him proper severance. It is NOT your problem. Stop making it yours.

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however, in my case I don't feel it in my kids' best interests
Why? Are they at risk of violence and abuse in accordance with Rule 24.(4) of the CLRA? That is the only real claim for "best interests" at this point. You haven't stated that the father is a danger to the children.

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My ex proposed a 50-50 split in which the kids come to him on all his days off (he is a shift worker) plus weekends he's off.
WGAS (Who Gives a Shit) principals need to be applied. That is a dispute between him and his lawyer. Simply propose in a properly written offer to settle on one of the schedules above. He needs to deal with his employer. Judges rarely order wonky schedules that are not patterned. So the ball is in your court. Also, if the matter does find its way to court you have made a structured 50-50 offer on a structured and common access pattern. You are securing your costs award when he is told the same thing by a judge.

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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
This would eliminate his need for daycare - something he has always opposed paying because "he doesn't need it".
Well, it is going to cost him easily 50-80 thousand dollars to have a judge just say WGAS to him. Make a generous offer for 50-50 access, offset child support and an access schedule on one of the above two schedules. Offer to pay daycare in accordance with S7.

His parenting time is HIS parenting time. Judges won't order wonky schedules so if he is unwilling to accommodate his kids the judge won't be sympathetic. The worst thing he can do is go into court saying "i work shifts" and ask a judge to set case law for a wonky schedule that only inflicts conflict.

You don't need to tell him this. You just need to know this fact. Stop worrying about his schedule with the kids. It isn't your problem! Stop trying to solve HIS problem!

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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
Even if I did agree to 50-50, why should he have the luxury of parenting when he isn't working when it wouldn't be the same for me?
EXACTLY! BINGO. Judge will say the same thing. So stop worrying about it and offer something in accordance with the RULES.

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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I would love to have every weekend with my kids - those are my only days off in the month. His proposed plan has him only taking the kids on "days off" which is more about the saving money than the having his kids.
Judge will see the same thing. They don't order wonky schedules based on employment. Employment is not guaranteed so they only order structured schedules usually.

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Originally Posted by Ange71727 View Post
I know court is going to be a bucket load. The fact that I am considering it should indicate my comfort level with this man having his kids halftime.
Again, WGAS his work situation. That is HIS problem NOT YOURS.

Good Luck!
Tayken
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Old 01-04-2017, 02:17 PM
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"Even if I did agree to 50-50, why should he have the luxury of parenting when he isn't working when it wouldn't be the same for me? I would love to have every weekend with my kids - those are my only days off in the month. "

Because it's better for the kids to be with a parent than in daycare.

I don't agree that schedules should revilve around work schedules, however if it is doable and the kids aren't stuck in daycare, if your only objection is butthurt over him having the kids when he doesn't work, it may br worth considering.
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Old 01-04-2017, 03:17 PM
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Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
"Even if I did agree to 50-50, why should he have the luxury of parenting when he isn't working when it wouldn't be the same for me? I would love to have every weekend with my kids - those are my only days off in the month. "

Because it's better for the kids to be with a parent than in daycare.

I don't agree that schedules should revilve around work schedules, however if it is doable and the kids aren't stuck in daycare, if your only objection is butthurt over him having the kids when he doesn't work, it may br worth considering.


Oh that isn't my only objection, trust me. The kids only go to daycare before school. They take the bus home to my house after school. It isn't a lot of daycare. I have a problem with him suddenly wanting his kids 50-50 after 8 years of this arrangement. If he can only take them on days off then maybe I should have all weekends since those are my only days off? I hope that Tayken is right about a judge not accepting a wonky schedule. Consistency is better than being shuffled back and forth a couple times in a school week. In my opinion.


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Old 01-04-2017, 03:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
Propose a age-related access schedule that is a 50-50 one based on what was provided above. Ignore that he is a shift worker.



His dispute is with his employer. The human rights codes/acts all require employers to recognise "family situation". His complexity with his employment situation is HIS to deal with and not yours. He can make a request for accommodations in his shifts based on his "family situation". Divorced families are protected under law. If he has a court ordered access agreement then his employer needs to accommodation it or give him proper severance. It is NOT your problem. Stop making it yours.







Why? Are they at risk of violence and abuse in accordance with Rule 24.(4) of the CLRA? That is the only real claim for "best interests" at this point. You haven't stated that the father is a danger to the children.







WGAS (Who Gives a Shit) principals need to be applied. That is a dispute between him and his lawyer. Simply propose in a properly written offer to settle on one of the schedules above. He needs to deal with his employer. Judges rarely order wonky schedules that are not patterned. So the ball is in your court. Also, if the matter does find its way to court you have made a structured 50-50 offer on a structured and common access pattern. You are securing your costs award when he is told the same thing by a judge.







Well, it is going to cost him easily 50-80 thousand dollars to have a judge just say WGAS to him. Make a generous offer for 50-50 access, offset child support and an access schedule on one of the above two schedules. Offer to pay daycare in accordance with S7.



His parenting time is HIS parenting time. Judges won't order wonky schedules so if he is unwilling to accommodate his kids the judge won't be sympathetic. The worst thing he can do is go into court saying "i work shifts" and ask a judge to set case law for a wonky schedule that only inflicts conflict.



You don't need to tell him this. You just need to know this fact. Stop worrying about his schedule with the kids. It isn't your problem! Stop trying to solve HIS problem!







EXACTLY! BINGO. Judge will say the same thing. So stop worrying about it and offer something in accordance with the RULES.







Judge will see the same thing. They don't order wonky schedules based on employment. Employment is not guaranteed so they only order structured schedules usually.







Again, WGAS his work situation. That is HIS problem NOT YOURS.



Good Luck!

Tayken

Hi Tayken,
I can't figure out how to isolate certain points from your reply so I'll have to address it all here. I am WORRIED because I am uninformed. I am doing my best to inform myself a bit more of what I can expect if this goes to court but I am self-aware enough to know that I need education big time on family law principles. What do you mean by the "Rules" if I may be so naive to ask?
I do feel that I can "make an offer"; however, I don't know about 50-50. Why should he be awarded that when he is doing this to save money? I am beginning to see that there are many "dad's rights" people on here - and all the power to them!! Good dads exist!! My husband is one of them. My ex has very questionable morals and lies more than anyone I know. I could tell you stories of things I've had to explain to the kids about his words and behaviours. He isn't abusing them. He isn't hurting them per se. I do think he loves them. I just don't want to lose the arrangement I have. He has been set up in his own house for five years so why come for them now? Because they are older and easier? Because he wants to save money? How is that right?



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Old 01-04-2017, 03:35 PM
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It doesnt matter what you think or what he thinks. Its whats in the best interest of your kids. Will it be good for them to have half their time with their dad? Maybe maybe not. You wont know until you try.

Propose a 50/50 schedule that isnt just in his favour. Have it as every other weekend and let him find child care for his time. Tell him you want a six month trial to see how it works and impacts the kids. If its successful then you can make it permanent.

You owe it to your kids to work with their father regardless of whether hes a jerk or not.
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Old 01-05-2017, 01:15 AM
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I know court is going to be a bucket load. The fact that I am considering it should indicate my comfort level with this man having his kids halftime.
So, you are comfortable with him having 35% access, but uncomfortable with him having 50% access?

I am truly excited to hear your reasoning.
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Old 01-05-2017, 01:37 AM
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So, you are comfortable with him having 35% access, but uncomfortable with him having 50% access?



I am truly excited to hear your reasoning.


I don't want him to have any more access than he has. Right now the kids are well-adjusted and healthy and completely used to this arrangement. I don't feel like they are deprived of seeing their father. He was fine with this arrangement for 8 years, before the CS arrangement expired and he is due to pay more (which he has ignored anyway for almost a year now). I am truly excited to hear why you think 15% more custody is owed to this person you don't know and have limited details about. This is a guy who told his kids that their new brother isn't really their full brother (true, but not his place) and that nobody is a parent to them except mom and dad (when having a conversation about step dad).


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