Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 09-07-2015, 04:01 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 5
rookie is on a distinguished road
Unhappy New to all this and need some advise pls!

3 weeks ago while I was at work my wife moved out of our home with our 3 year old daughter. She sent a text to tell me this (She did this a year ago as well for 6 weeks lived with her sister) but this time is permanent. I do agree with the move as were not getting along for a year and a half.

She behind my back last week changed schools for my daughter that is starting for the fist time this year. Her original school she was registered back in January walking distance from our house and was going to be picking her up after school to avoid PLASP (my employer agreed to change my hours to be able to do this). Now it is close to my wife's new place and she registered her to be picked up by me on Tuesday and Thursday and PLASP the other days but I am available???

I have been trying to see my daughter however my wife is constantly making excuses. In the past 3 weeks I have seen my daughter 3 times. I feel like my daughter and I are drifting apart. All I get is a 2min call each night to say goodnight.

There is no order, never stepped foot in court nothing it just like she has kidnapped her and now this is seriously affecting my heath. I have been patient with her but enough is enough.

Any advise for this dad trying to do the right thing?
Reply With Quote
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 09-07-2015, 04:59 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 264
FirstTimer is on a distinguished road
Default

The exact same thing happened to me.

Some lessons learned
1. Lawyer up as soon as possible.
a. Interview some lawyers, get a good feeling on them. It's a relationship and you have to feel that they understand what it is you are looking for.
2. If you can't afford a lawyer, then you need to get into court asap and work out a temporary interim order.

Basically, get in front of a judge. The longer you wait, you are then basically saying you have no problem giving mom primary custody.

Last edited by FirstTimer; 09-07-2015 at 05:41 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2015, 08:59 AM
Hand of Justice
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: In the Shadows
Posts: 3,139
Links17 is on a distinguished road
Default

Exactly, you need to get in front of a judge asap. Like ASAP, if you oppose this will look extremely bad on your ex wife and make sure that if you want to be a father to your child you ask for shared residency.
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2015, 09:33 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 381
Dadx5 is on a distinguished road
Default

I agree with what everyone else has said, you need to file a motion ASAP every day that passes will strengthen her case and weaken yours!
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2015, 09:58 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,679
OrleansLawyer is a jewel in the roughOrleansLawyer is a jewel in the roughOrleansLawyer is a jewel in the rough
Default

Quote:
Some lessons learned
1. Lawyer up as soon as possible.
a. Interview some lawyers, get a good feeling on them. It's a relationship and you have to feel that they understand what it is you are looking for.
2. If you can't afford a lawyer, then you need to get into court asap and work out a temporary interim order.

Basically, get in front of a judge. The longer you wait, you are then basically saying you have no problem giving mom primary custody.
Reasonable advice; delay is not your friend.
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2015, 10:21 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Hamilton
Posts: 3,717
HammerDad will become famous soon enough
Default

Get a lawyer ASAP. If you can't afford one right away, borrow to start.

Then read this: The List - Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum

Certain points on The List may or may not apply to your situation. And yes, there are certain points that are more akin to fearmongering that logic. But you need to understand worst case scenario and plan for it.

You need to move all communication with your ex to email as much as possible. Text messaging is OK, but email is the way to go. If your ex calls, let it go to voicemail. If it is about the child, send her a reply via email. If it is your kid calling to say goodnight, call back.

What are you looking for with regards to custody? Do you want 50/50, or the every-other-weekend-daddy-screwjob? If I were you, I'd argue for 50/50. I have a bit better schedule than EOW, but if I knew what I know now, I'd definitely have more time. Send your requests for parenting time to your ex via email. There should be no excuses as to why you can't spend time with your child. You are as capable as she is to parent. Activities with friends or whatever don't trump time with a parent. Should your ex say no to you, send a reply to schedule another time. It is in the child's best interests to have frequent and meaningful contact with both parents. And right now, your ex isn't acting in the child's best interests.

Sit down with your lawyer and discuss what you want in relation to custody, the matrimonial home (do you own or rent?), equalization of assets. I would have your lawyer file a motion to have the child returned to the matrimonial home and that the school be in the same catchment of the matrimonial home. This will likely send the ex ballistic, as they will try to move home as well. Expect the ex to claim abuse (emotional or whatever). Your argument is the ex is trying to establish a new status quo without your consent.

While the motion is waiting to be heard, you can send offers to settle to the ex so hopefully you won't end up at an actual hearing. The threat of the hearing is to keep both sides motivated to settle and, in the event you can't settle, you haven't wasted all that time and have to wait longer to get the matter in front of a judge.

Your ex cannot prevent you from spending time with your daughter. You are legally able to walk into the school and take her out/pick her up. Without an order you have defacto joint custody. You need to show your ex that withholding the child is unacceptable, and if that means showing up at school to pick her up for the night, that is what you do. As, from what I kind of gather so far, your ex has your nuts in her purse.
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2015, 12:40 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 58
SuzieSunshine is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rookie View Post
3 weeks ago while I was at work my wife moved out of our home with our 3 year old daughter. She sent a text to tell me this (She did this a year ago as well for 6 weeks lived with her sister) but this time is permanent. I do agree with the move as were not getting along for a year and a half.

She behind my back last week changed schools for my daughter that is starting for the fist time this year. Her original school she was registered back in January walking distance from our house and was going to be picking her up after school
School starts today, so did you not receive her class for JK months ago? Did you not get a teacher name and hand in all the registration in January? Did you attend the open house/orientation over the spring in May?

If you have all this information then take your kid to the registered school and tell the school board she will be attending that school and register her back and tell your ex that you do not agree to the change TODAY since she made that decision without your consent.

Get a lawyer and file an emergency motion to keep the school the same as pre-separation until a final decision is made.

Get ready for war.
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2015, 01:59 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 5
rookie is on a distinguished road
Default

Thanks for all the info. Hired a lawyer and the process will be started.
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2015, 02:00 PM
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 5
rookie is on a distinguished road
Default

The ex just called and texted that until the legal is complete, she will not allow me to see my daughter...
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 09-08-2015, 02:15 PM
blinkandimgone's Avatar
Moderator
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Lucknow
Posts: 5,175
blinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura aboutblinkandimgone has a spectacular aura about
Default

Then you take that information and file an emergency motion to have the child returned to their regular home with access to her given that she is and has said she intends to withhold access. You have documented proof of her intentions, get on it fast. The longer you wait the more difficult it will be to have the situation rectified.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:07 PM.