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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 02-15-2017, 10:58 PM
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Unhappy NEED HELP - NEW TO THIS - Husband's lawyer threatening court proceedings

Please help me - less than 2 months ago husband sends a text that he is done. No prior counseling or indication (guess, most cases happen like this?!). Since, all has been spiraling out of control. about 3 weeks after announcement I received a note from mediator that he wants to mediate without discussing with me. I asked for time to even comprehend what is going on, but he keeps on forcing that an agreement needs to be signed right away so that he can leave the home. I proposed counter mediator, but he never responded whether he agrees (so no mediation took place). Instead I received a letter from his lawyer that as the issues are straightforward it would be more cost effective to proceed with separation agreement (small kids and property are involved).
There is a massive financial form attached to the letter that I don't understand and I have a week to respond otherwise they will proceed in court for full indemnity (whatever that means).
WHAT DO I DO?? Can I write back and ask form more time? I don't even have a lawyer (I spoke to a couple but they only seem to talk during a meeting to get more money from me - do you know a good honest lawyer?), I continue to work full time and take care of the kids (he's checked out, even through sleeps in the home most days). Is it me or is it normal that all of this is moving so fast? 2 months ago I believed I was happily married.
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Old 02-15-2017, 11:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepi View Post
Please help me - less than 2 months ago husband sends a text that he is done. No prior counseling or indication (guess, most cases happen like this?!). Since, all has been spiraling out of control. about 3 weeks after announcement I received a note from mediator that he wants to mediate without discussing with me. I asked for time to even comprehend what is going on, but he keeps on forcing that an agreement needs to be signed right away so that he can leave the home. I proposed counter mediator, but he never responded whether he agrees (so no mediation took place). Instead I received a letter from his lawyer that as the issues are straightforward it would be more cost effective to proceed with separation agreement (small kids and property are involved).
There is a massive financial form attached to the letter that I don't understand and I have a week to respond otherwise they will proceed in court for full indemnity (whatever that means).
WHAT DO I DO?? Can I write back and ask form more time? I don't even have a lawyer (I spoke to a couple but they only seem to talk during a meeting to get more money from me - do you know a good honest lawyer?), I continue to work full time and take care of the kids (he's checked out, even through sleeps in the home most days). Is it me or is it normal that all of this is moving so fast? 2 months ago I believed I was happily married.
yup you're getting sued. it's going to be the best next 5 years of your life.

welcome to the infamous canadian family legal system.

is it a financial statement that is attached?

no need to respond without legal advice.

they need to properly serve you and you'll have 30 days to respond once served with couet documents.

I'd look for a very very good lawyer immediately if i were you

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Old 02-15-2017, 11:13 PM
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Thank you for responding.

It is form 13.1 and I received it and the letter by email - is that proper serving?

what if I respond in time? does that still mean going to court?

what lawyer would be best - collaborative law or litigation?
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Old 02-15-2017, 11:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Pepi View Post
Thank you for responding.

It is form 13.1 and I received it and the letter by email - is that proper serving?

what if I respond in time? does that still mean going to court?

what lawyer would be best - collaborative law or litigation?
yup thats a financial statement.

collaborative lawyer cant goto court. they do go to court but if you're both in collaborative process than neither lawyery go to court. you have to get new lawyers if that happens
.

get a lawyer who will go to court.

act fast but don't hire a shity lawyer or a lawyer who you don't like or get odd vibes from.
you'll regret it. get a polite respectful lawyer that listens cares and treats you with respect. the more experience the better.

you don't need to give them a financial statement until you've had independent legal advice. you can start drafting it.

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Old 02-15-2017, 11:24 PM
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Thanks for these tips, Tapatalk. Much appreciated.
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Old 02-15-2017, 11:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepi View Post
Please help me - less than 2 months ago husband sends a text that he is done. No prior counseling or indication (guess, most cases happen like this?!). Since, all has been spiraling out of control. about 3 weeks after announcement I received a note from mediator that he wants to mediate without discussing with me. I asked for time to even comprehend what is going on, but he keeps on forcing that an agreement needs to be signed right away so that he can leave the home. I proposed counter mediator, but he never responded whether he agrees (so no mediation took place). Instead I received a letter from his lawyer that as the issues are straightforward it would be more cost effective to proceed with separation agreement (small kids and property are involved).
There is a massive financial form attached to the letter that I don't understand and I have a week to respond otherwise they will proceed in court for full indemnity (whatever that means).
WHAT DO I DO?? Can I write back and ask form more time? I don't even have a lawyer (I spoke to a couple but they only seem to talk during a meeting to get more money from me - do you know a good honest lawyer?), I continue to work full time and take care of the kids (he's checked out, even through sleeps in the home most days). Is it me or is it normal that all of this is moving so fast? 2 months ago I believed I was happily married.
Your husband knows that if he were to move out the courts would likely give you exclusive possession of the matrimonial home (which I hope you do go for by the way considering children are involved).

You do need to speak to a lawyer as soon as possible. At the very least, go to your local courthouse and find out where the "Family Law Centre" is and see if you can speak to a lawyer there.

Make sure that you protect yourself physically and financially. You might find that your husband has emptied the bank accounts. If that is the case then your lawyer will need to get into the courtroom in front of a judge as soon as possible and obtain an Interim Order. See if you can get an Interim Order for 1) exclusive possession of the matrimonial home, 2) immediate child and spousal support, 3) order that the mortgage and household bills are paid.

DO NOT TAKE ADVICE FROM YOUR EX'S LAWYER. This is very, very important. You have rights and you have the right to legal representation.

Get your hands on as much money as you can right now. You will need money to pay a lawyer a "retainer" which is a deposit for future legal work he will do for you. This can be anywhere in the range of $5,000.00 just to get that Interim Order.

Good luck.... don't panic.... protect yourself.
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Old 02-15-2017, 11:40 PM
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First of all take a deep breath. Don't let their threats bother you. There is absolutely NO hurry. I'm entering my 6th year of family court with not one single issue settled!
If you are working full time perhaps you can speak to an EAP lawyer for a free consultation.
Don't worry if you have to go to your first court appearance without a lawyer. Simply ask the duty lawyer at court to ask the judge for an adjournment until you can retain a lawyer. You WILL be given an adjournment.
Keep in mind that family court is like a chess game. Educate yourself on family law. This forum is an excellent resource to start.

Be aware that lawyers will give you an hourly rate , ask for a retainer ( lets say $5000) and never tell you that court can cost you your life savings in legal fees and you still end up with nothing .
Educate yourself in case you have to go self rep.
Surround yourself with a good support group and take good care of your health. You are entering the realm of hell on earth. Do not expect that you or your children will be treated fairly or with respect by the family court system. It is war. Grow a thick skin, exercise , eat well and take really good care of yourself.
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Old 02-16-2017, 12:01 AM
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I am so thankful for this forum and to all of you. You have guessed right - I am hyperventilating, all of this is surreal - what brings out so much evil and ugliness in people - our closest people???

is there a difference if you pay lawyers by the hour or on retainer?

am I understanding correct that there are no longer options for some kind of negotiation and basically my husband has started a litigation?
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Old 02-16-2017, 12:10 AM
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At any stage in litigation you can negotiate and come to an agreement. Only a small percentage ( 5%) of litigants actually go all the way to trial. Most people settle long before that. However, be prepared for unimaginable hell if you are one of the unlucky few.
I told my first lawyer we would be going to trial because my STBX is mentally ill and can not be reasoned with which is why I left him in the first place.

If your ex is relatively sane and doesn't want to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on lawyers fees you may settle early.... just be forwarded.
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Old 02-16-2017, 12:15 AM
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A retainer is a deposit. The money is put into a trust fund at the lawyer's office. The lawyer bills you hourly for the work he does and "draws" upon the retainer that you have provided. It is very important to request a detailed monthly billing from your lawyer so you can keep an eye on how much everything is costing you (phone calls, for example, to your lawyer can be expensive). Best thing to do is be very well prepared when you meet with your lawyer. You can get lots of advice on this forum.

Gather all of your documents and keep them in a safe place (not in your home). You should also very quickly get financial things (bank statements and tax returns for both you and your husband if you can). Remember - "cash is king" - always have a stash of cash somewhere you can get access to in case of emergency.

Tomorrow check out if your husband has cut off your credit cards or closed down any accounts.

The first thing my lawyer told me was to get my hands on as much money as possible. Boy did I regret not taking his advice. My ex removed all of our money and hid it with g/f and family members. I had to borrow large sums of money from friends. It wasn't pleasant.

If there is money in the bank I'd remove it. Keep track of it and do not go on a spending spree. Everything you do from here on in you will be accountable for. You can put your money in a new bank account. Just make sure you have access to it.

Your ex has likely been coached by his lawyer on many things. To get an idea of this you should read over the list of things that 'all men need to know' in separation. I don't recall the name of it but "The List" is on this forum somewhere. Study it well... you will get an idea of the twisted way in which your ex's lawyer MAY propel your ex. The more the two of you are at war the more money the lawyers make. Don't ever forget that.

Mediation sucks IMO. It's extremely expensive.
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