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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 10-26-2012, 04:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
Your kid is 9. Kids don't get to make those type of decisions.

You are not his friend, you are his parent. Act like one.
Exactly.

Can't wait to see how "dad" feels when the kid runs back to mommy's place when he's expected to clean his room. OY.
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Old 10-26-2012, 04:12 PM
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Maybe the kid will decide he doesn't want to go to school on Tuesdays. And Thursdays, and maybe on Mondays. And Fridays.
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Old 10-26-2012, 04:13 PM
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@Downtroddendad.

You state: "If you want to make this happen, you will have to go through the legal process."

I'm sorry - but NOTHING happens using the legal process. It is BEYOND broken.

The ONLY progress I have seen in ANY case, is when people 'bend' the rules.

@Wife#2: Sorry - but his Mother is not home to 'expect' him. He will not care about how 'worried' his mother is. He has asked me to tell her he hates her. I have done nothing to cause that, and I of course did not act on his request or even mention it to her. He also won't see the logic if I tell him how upset I would be if he didn't come to me on my days. In his mind, that would never happen. I also think you are missing the point - it IS HIS decision on which bus to get onto after school. He cares nothing about what the courts say. He is 9.

Sure - I could try to make arrangements to do an exchange right away when he comes to my house when he should be going to hers, and we have done that twice over the years when he honestly made the mistake. But, she is not home, and his Uncle and Grandma can't drive. Further, there is a restraining order against the Uncle - he is not to approach me, and I certainly can't provoke that scenario by approaching him. By the time his Mother is home - he will have had his reward by playing with his friends here for an hour or 2.

I guess to avoid the above scenario, I could put him in a taxi. Thoughts?
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Old 10-26-2012, 04:15 PM
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I think you're missing the point:

It is NOT his decision.

He does not have the right to decide which house to go to when or which bus to get on.

I cannot even fathom that a 'parent' would even be entertaining any of this?!!
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Old 10-26-2012, 04:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdad View Post
@Downtroddendad.

You state: "If you want to make this happen, you will have to go through the legal process."

I'm sorry - but NOTHING happens using the legal process. It is BEYOND broken.

The ONLY progress I have seen in ANY case, is when people 'bend' the rules.

@Wife#2: Sorry - but his Mother is not home to 'expect' him. He will not care about how 'worried' his mother is. He has asked me to tell her he hates her. I have done nothing to cause that, and I of course did not act on his request or even mention it to her. He also won't see the logic if I tell him how upset I would be if he didn't come to me on my days. In his mind, that would never happen. I also think you are missing the point - it IS HIS decision on which bus to get onto after school. He cares nothing about what the courts say. He is 9.

Sure - I could try to make arrangements to do an exchange right away when he comes to my house when he should be going to hers, and we have done that twice over the years when he honestly made the mistake. But, she is not home, and his Uncle and Grandma can't drive. Further, there is a restraining order against the Uncle - he is not to approach me, and I certainly can't provoke that scenario by approaching him. By the time his Mother is home - he will have had his reward by playing with his friends here for an hour or 2.

I guess to avoid the above scenario, I could put him in a taxi. Thoughts?
I would suggest calling the mother if your son makes the decision to come to your house when he isn't scheduled to. Ask her if she wants to pick him up on the way home, or if she would like you to send him immediately home in a cab? As long as you are not encouraging him to do this, then that is really all you can do.

Nice to see you care enough to come to this forum for advice.
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Old 10-26-2012, 04:30 PM
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Can you not speak with your ex? That would be the mature thing to do, however, I very much understand that this may not be possible. Suggest kid comes to you after school and you can return him around time she gets home from work? Or she can pick him up on her way home?
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Old 10-26-2012, 04:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
I think you're missing the point:

It is NOT his decision.

He does not have the right to decide which house to go to when or which bus to get on.

I cannot even fathom that a 'parent' would even be entertaining any of this?!!
I am preparing myself for what he will decide on his own. If I were to PLANT that idea in his head, then I would indeed be 'entertaining' this. I am not. He is reaching that point on his own.

It does not matter if he doesn't have the RIGHT to decide which bus to get on. He has the ABILITY. He will exercise that soon.

Come on everyone - you can't tell me that kids don't TEST their limits and as a parent you need to be prepared for that.

When it happens - there is the 'legal' way to handle it, which is BROKEN, and there is the 'PARENTING' way to handle it. You can't know the dynamics of the 'PARENTING' way, without knowing the parents, and the scenario my 9 year old son is in at his Grandma's house.

Let me give you a FICTITIOUS scenario. Let's say that your son is telling you his Uncle is doing drugs, and offering them to your son. Do you follow the court order? No way! You keep your son, and immediately file an emergency motion to deal with the issue.

Now, what about issues that are serious, but either not 'emergency' or hard to prove. Do you WAIT forever for the broken system to do something about it while your child is 'damaged'?

My question is more towards those scenarios, rather than simple child discipline issues.
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Old 10-26-2012, 04:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wife#2 View Post
Can you not speak with your ex? That would be the mature thing to do, however, I very much understand that this may not be possible. Suggest kid comes to you after school and you can return him around time she gets home from work? Or she can pick him up on her way home?
I can talk to her. She can't talk to me. Your other points are good - but she refuses to allow more time with me, no matter what the reason.

She even wants me to pay for day camp on her weeks in the summer, when she ISN'T working, rather then spend time with him, because apparently she has 'things to do'. I offered she can drop him off and pick him up from my house on those weeks, since I work from home and can flex my hours. She almost bit my head off.
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Old 10-26-2012, 04:36 PM
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I'm sorry BigDad, you do not get to make that call. The process may not work well, but it is the only one we have. You don't get to ignore the law just because you don't like it.

Your separation agreement is a binding agreement. You can't change it without mutual signed agreement between the parents or a court order. Your son does not get a vote, nor should you encourage him to think he does. The best you can tell him is that you will try and make it happen, but that it will take time.
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 10-26-2012, 04:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bigdad View Post
Hello everyone,

My 9 yr old son....

Thanks in advance for all advice!
Can anyone hear it? That voice? That omnipresent voice in case law coming? That common quote from that Justice that echos through hundreds of court rooms a day in our country... That quote... of pure and utter judicial common sense... That quote... Which must have been posted to this site a hundred times before...

As Justice Quinn stated in Gerenia v. Harb:

Quote:
Undoubtedly, there are many tasks that a child, when asked may find unpleasant to perform. But ask we must and perform they must. A child who refused to go on an access visit should be treated by the custodial parent the same as a child who refused to go to school or otherwise misbehaves. The job of a parent is to parent.
Please PARENT YOUR CHILD.

PS: This is from commonly quoted case law otherwise known as Jurisprudence. If you should keep your child and use the "excuse" that the child doesn't want to go... You will have this read to you by the judge, an order made against you, possible fine (contempt), reduction in access, loss of any custody and reduction in access. Finally you will have COST awarded against you and have to pay the other parent's legal fees for being well... As the very Honourable Mr. Justice Quinn states: NOT PARENTING YOUR CHILD!

Good Luck!
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