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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 12-23-2013, 12:59 AM
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my wife is seeing somebody for a few months now … we did not fight or argue, did not talk to the kids about this … until she told the kids that she does not want to be with me anymore.
She decided that I should move out and sign the place over to her .
We got our place recently (its on my name only so is the mortgage – but I did sign “something” during buying process that I can not sell it without her)
if we try to sell we will lose money (she does not want to sell)
if I stay there I will not be able to pay for it (I do not care about losing money on it)
if she stays she will be able to get help from her bf and family (she claims that she just got pregnant with him)
If I move out she promise to sign separation agreement 50/50 custody for the kids and she gets the mortgage on her name later (she does not know when her credit will let her)
if I do not move out she will take the kids and move out without any agreement,


all I care is the joint custody 50/50 and my name out of the mortgage …
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Old 12-23-2013, 01:20 AM
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if I do not move out she will take the kids and move out without any agreement,
And then you'll go to court immediately and file a motion to have the children returned to their home. SHE can move anywhere she wants to, she cannot just up and take the kids. You CAN prevent this. If you do nothing, she can do exactly that and you'll have a harder time getting them back the longer you wait.
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Old 12-23-2013, 01:35 AM
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Above all, tell her that you will move out AFTER you have a custody agreement that spells out 50/50 with the kids.

You may do the issues of a separation agreement in pieces, there is nothing to stop you. Meaning, you can have a partial agreement that just deals with custody, and then have further agreements later.

I would strongly suggest that you not move out without a custody agreement that is signed by you and your STBX, as well as by each of your lawyers indicating independant legal advice. (If you want to save money, just hire one for an hour to sign off on your agreement.)

You can put the clause to transfer title of the house by a certain date in the same agreement.

If you can sort out support and equalization at the same time, that would be great, but if you are having trouble coming to an agreement, then do it in stages, sign an agreement for custody and transfer of the house.

In the meantime, speak to your STBX about closing or freezing any joint accounts and lines of credit. Sort out what your bank accounts, credit, loans, life insurance, RRSP, pension, etc. are and start getting statements for them. Your STBX should be doing the same.

Carry a personal voice recorder at all times, out of sight, and turn it on when you are conversing with her.

Move into your own room, put a lock on the door, and move your computer and all paperwork inside, as well as personal valuables. Make sure if there are multiple computers that you take them off the network, don't allow file sharing, change all of your passwords.

Any email or bank website or any other site probably has a feature to reset your password if you answer your mother's maiden name. Your ex will know answers to all the typical questions. Change your mother's name to "Fred" and make similar changes to all other secret questions.

If you are on Facebook, defriend her and block her. Avoid temptation to look at her page, it won't help.

Start picking the kids up after school a few times a week, even if you have to leave work early. Attend doctor and dentist appointments. Take them to their friends for playdates and get to know the other parents, if you haven't done this already. In other words, make sure you are a 50/50 parent now, before you move out.

Avoid conversing with your ex at all other than a cheerful "Hi, I'm going to help the kids with their homework now." Avoid phone calls and texts; they are great opportunities to get baited into useless conflict. As much as possible communicate by email so you have a great record of any conversation, especially about the kids, finances, and schedules.

Email her and get her to confirm the offer of 50/50 somehow in a response. Something like: "I think the 50/50 custody is a great idea and we can work out the house thing. Can we meet to discuss it in a coffee shop next Tuesday? It will be less stressful away from the house." Get an answer that acknowleges what is on the table.

I'm sure others will chime in with things I've forgotten. Good luck.
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Old 12-23-2013, 08:24 AM
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Thanks
About the kids I am with them all the time since they were born
About staying home when she leaves with them ... For how long I have to stay ( I'm not able to pay for it and support the kids) when can I move to apartment ...
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Old 12-23-2013, 08:39 AM
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You are missing the point...if she moves out and takes the kids, you immediately file in court to have them returned to the home, this you would not be paying support, she would have to pay you support.
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Old 12-23-2013, 09:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by abu View Post
Thanks
About the kids I am with them all the time since they were born
About staying home when she leaves with them ... For how long I have to stay ( I'm not able to pay for it and support the kids) when can I move to apartment ...
You are coming across as someone who is passive and ready to be walked on.

You have an equal right to custody of the children. If she takes the children, you immediatly file to have them returned. Get this in your head. Don't let her threats affect you, she is manipulating you and coercing you.

If she wants you out tomorrow, then you reply that is fine, as long as she signs the custody agreement before you leave. If she won't, then she is trying to fool you.
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Old 12-23-2013, 09:49 AM
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I am sorry, Abu, that this has happened to you. My advice:

1. Follow ALL of Mess' (and others above) advice. All of it.

2. Do NOT move out of your house. She can't make you leave. If she leaves, fine, but not with the kids until you have an agreement for them.

3. Do NOT let her take the kids without signed agreement for 50/50.

4. You can move out of your house once the agreement for kids is signed, at the very least.

5. Again, do not let her take the children. She has no more right to take them from you than you do to take them from her.

How old are your children?
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Old 12-23-2013, 10:26 AM
abu abu is offline
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thank you all


"You are coming across as someone who is passive and ready to be walked on"
yep I should start doing something about it long time ago ... was hoping for another Christmas/new year in peace without shaking the nest (which was stress free for the kids)
kids are between 5 and 11


another q about the cars, we have 2 (wife drives the newer), both on my name and my insurance
I don't mind if she keeps her but can I remove her and her car from insurance or I have to keep the insurance because the car is on my name ? (there is no loan on the cars)
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Old 12-23-2013, 10:44 AM
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DO NOT MOVE OUT

I went through almost 22 months of an in home separation. It's not fun but I was able to get 50/50. DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR CHILDREN.

Depending on your ex she may try to create conflict to have you charged and removed from the home. Carry the voice recorder with you at all times you are in the house. They will not be useful in family court but they may be useful in criminal court.

All the best.
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Old 12-23-2013, 10:46 AM
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Ethically, she should keep her car. You should immediately transfer the title to her name. If she has an accident driving a car in your name, it will reflect on your record.

The value of the cars will be taken into account when you do family property equalization, and you won't lose any money whether she keeps the car or you do.

Ideally you should split the insurance, but many insurance companies will give you a hard time until you are actually living apart. At least transfer the ownership, and then speak with your agent.
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