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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 10-25-2016, 07:47 AM
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As I mentioned in my message, shes still being obtuse and I wouldnt be so quick to hand over anything. Why? Well if the testing and other fees are $500 why didnt she say that? All she said was the application is $500 so please add the money to the December cs amount. Also because she finally started giving you info when you cut off cs.

I dont trust anyone who says they cant get a receipt. EVER. You never pay for anything without getting proof. Your ex has obviously been investigating this program and has been told by the school what has to happen. She can ask them for full documentation. This isnt 1920 where you have to go down the street to make a call. She can get the info emailed to her or the kids school counselor can get it. If we could find application fees and other info on the website SO CAN SHE.

Tell her you want the full details of this application fee including details on the program he is applying for and expected outcomes. Failing that you will remit your share when the application is completed and she has a receipt for you.
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Old 10-25-2016, 10:56 PM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Your son very well might surprise you. Often kids do much better in the 'adult' education venue as opposed to high school. College can open up his eyes to careers that he might not have considered before.
From what I've always understood, he's hated school from a very young age, all the way up to and including high school. If he were really motivated, his mother (the one he's living with), should've pushed him much harder to achieve the kind of grades he should've been getting from the beginning, and instilling some good values along with a good work ethic. Sadly, being on ODSP herself all these years, she hasn't exactly been the most ideal role model. Not to mention the fact that I was excluded from his life at a young age (his choice not mine), so obviously I had no say or interaction with him in any way that could have helped provide some useful guidance to him. Yes, I agree that college is a much more relaxed learning atmosphere in comparison to high school. Students are usually on first name basis with their instructors and the instruction given in classes is definitely not like it is in high school where it's adult to child, but more or less friend to friend. Having been through college myself, I completely understand to dynamics. I am still very much open to helping my son out through the process if he chooses to go through, but he is definitely going to have to show me he is serious about his commitment if it is in fact what he wants to do. Telling me he wants to do this, or do that and then just quit about a month or two through the process and I'm stuck paying for his support isn't going to cut it for me.

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I think it is a good move...a brave step for your son. He could even live at the college which might be something to consider as well.
Actually.......he lives literally a ten minute walk away (2 to 5 minutes by bus) from the college.
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  #13 (permalink)  
Old 10-25-2016, 11:06 PM
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
As I mentioned in my message, shes still being obtuse and I wouldnt be so quick to hand over anything. Why? Well if the testing and other fees are $500 why didnt she say that? All she said was the application is $500 so please add the money to the December cs amount. Also because she finally started giving you info when you cut off cs.
I haven't cut off CS.....yet.

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I dont trust anyone who says they cant get a receipt. EVER. You never pay for anything without getting proof. Your ex has obviously been investigating this program and has been told by the school what has to happen. She can ask them for full documentation. This isnt 1920 where you have to go down the street to make a call. She can get the info emailed to her or the kids school counselor can get it. If we could find application fees and other info on the website SO CAN SHE.
No S***. I felt like I was pulling stubborn teeth out, with my persistence on requesting my son's updated transcripts and other information last month. She doesn't work, and he's not going to school full time (or even part time???) so there's all the time in the world to retrieve this information that takes all of ten minutes if even that. The sense I'm getting is that she's becoming irritated at my increasingly frequent questioning of things regarding our son's schooling. Perhaps there's something to hide????

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Tell her you want the full details of this application fee including details on the program he is applying for and expected outcomes. Failing that you will remit your share when the application is completed and she has a receipt for you.
THAT is definitely forthcoming. Whether or not that is going to be by email or verbally in person is what I'm a little undecided about at this point. A big part of it, is dependent upon her reaction to being served. I have this awful feeling I am going to be perceived as "the jerk" who only wants to cut off our son's "life support".
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 10-26-2016, 07:31 AM
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Send it in writing. Always in writing!!
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Old 10-26-2016, 08:08 AM
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One thing that strikes me as odd is that you haven't had a conversation with your son to find out, from him, what his future plans are. He is an adult now and perhaps it is time to have an adult conversation with him. I'd ask him why he is registering in December and not at the start of the academic year? I would wan to know if he has met with an academic adviser from the college he is proposing he attend? What are his long-term career plans? What sort of part-time employment is he prepared to take up throughout year? If your son has little idea of why he is going to college then you will have your answer. I'd try to have this conversation asap in a neutral location free from distraction. You are much more likely to get honest answers if your son feels comfortable.
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Old 10-26-2016, 10:01 AM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
One thing that strikes me as odd is that you haven't had a conversation with your son to find out, from him, what his future plans are. He is an adult now and perhaps it is time to have an adult conversation with him. I'd ask him why he is registering in December and not at the start of the academic year? I would wan to know if he has met with an academic adviser from the college he is proposing he attend? What are his long-term career plans? What sort of part-time employment is he prepared to take up throughout year? If your son has little idea of why he is going to college then you will have your answer. I'd try to have this conversation asap in a neutral location free from distraction. You are much more likely to get honest answers if your son feels comfortable.


In his original question on another thread he mentioned his son barely speaks to him, has failed to get the requisite credits and is not interested in attending school. He also cant work because his mother is on ODSP. This isnt a regular case where a parent is denying his kid the opportunity for an education. It looks more like mom is worried about losing her extra income so kid is enrolling but not completing school. Hes 19, has no high school degree and will now enroll in college and probably drop out.

Personally, I would wait until she proves he has applied (with a receipt) or at least provides the full details. Failing that, no money. Then if he does go in September next year, tell them you will pay your portion of the expense when you have received his mid term marks.

His mother is on ODSP, he qualifies for OSAP. Neither one of them have demonstrated good faith in this. To keep him registered part time in an alternative school to get full child support is unfair. Kid isn't working and therefore unable to pay his portion of post secondary. Moms portion will be slim to none. You're basically paying for them both to do nothing. Does that make me harsh? Probably but someone has to be the voice of reality.
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 10-26-2016, 03:40 PM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
One thing that strikes me as odd is that you haven't had a conversation with your son to find out, from him, what his future plans are. He is an adult now and perhaps it is time to have an adult conversation with him. I'd ask him why he is registering in December and not at the start of the academic year? I would wan to know if he has met with an academic adviser from the college he is proposing he attend? What are his long-term career plans? What sort of part-time employment is he prepared to take up throughout year? If your son has little idea of why he is going to college then you will have your answer. I'd try to have this conversation asap in a neutral location free from distraction. You are much more likely to get honest answers if your son feels comfortable.
EVERYTHING, as you've laid out has been something I've discussed NUMEROUS times with my partner, about the idea having this type of conversation. Unfortunately, the situation as it stands at present, is that my son is completely under his mother's care and control, I'm guessing both emotionally and financially (since he "can't" work). The last time he came with his mother and the time prior to that in around some time in July of 2015, he was very quiet. The mother did all of the talking. Both my partner and I surmise that trying to have any kind of conversation with him is not going to achieve much, if anything at all, duel to the fact that "mom" is only going to tell him what to say, and what NOT to say to me, so we'll never get the truth from him. Believe me, I am very much interested in doing whatever it is, that is within my ability to help my son out to becoming a productive member of society whichever way he chooses. I want for him to be better off than his lazy, useless and good-for-nothing mother at the very least. And if his mother truly cares about him, she should want that too. But I'm guessing not, even though she won't ever dare to admit it on record, if she loses him as a dependent, she loses her "lifestyle".

ONE way to help him out, would be to have him come and reside with me and my partner. We have the space at our place. But we also know that Hell will freeze over before the mother would agree to that. Again, he moves in with me, she "loses" CS........
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 10-26-2016, 04:15 PM
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He isn't your son. It her son, you just pay the bills.

If it wasn't clear to you before it should be clear now.

That's why anything less than shared results in the loss of parenthood.
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 10-26-2016, 04:55 PM
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This is standard practice when someone is paying...

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
As I mentioned in my message, shes still being obtuse and I wouldnt be so quick to hand over anything. Why? Well if the testing and other fees are $500 why didnt she say that? All she said was the application is $500 so please add the money to the December cs amount. Also because she finally started giving you info when you cut off cs.

I dont trust anyone who says they cant get a receipt. EVER. You never pay for anything without getting proof. Your ex has obviously been investigating this program and has been told by the school what has to happen. She can ask them for full documentation. This isnt 1920 where you have to go down the street to make a call. She can get the info emailed to her or the kids school counselor can get it. If we could find application fees and other info on the website SO CAN SHE.

Tell her you want the full details of this application fee including details on the program he is applying for and expected outcomes. Failing that you will remit your share when the application is completed and she has a receipt for you.
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 10-26-2016, 06:08 PM
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Originally Posted by m-chan68 View Post
EVERYTHING, as you've laid out has been something I've discussed NUMEROUS times with my partner, about the idea having this type of conversation. Unfortunately, the situation as it stands at present, is that my son is completely under his mother's care and control, I'm guessing both emotionally and financially (since he "can't" work). The last time he came with his mother and the time prior to that in around some time in July of 2015, he was very quiet. The mother did all of the talking. Both my partner and I surmise that trying to have any kind of conversation with him is not going to achieve much, if anything at all, duel to the fact that "mom" is only going to tell him what to say, and what NOT to say to me, so we'll never get the truth from him. Believe me, I am very much interested in doing whatever it is, that is within my ability to help my son out to becoming a productive member of society whichever way he chooses. I want for him to be better off than his lazy, useless and good-for-nothing mother at the very least. And if his mother truly cares about him, she should want that too. But I'm guessing not, even though she won't ever dare to admit it on record, if she loses him as a dependent, she loses her "lifestyle".

ONE way to help him out, would be to have him come and reside with me and my partner. We have the space at our place. But we also know that Hell will freeze over before the mother would agree to that. Again, he moves in with me, she "loses" CS........
I strongly recommend that you meet with your son one-on-one (not with the mother and certainly not with your girlfriend).

I'd be the "bigger person" and make an overture to contact your son. You have absolutely no idea of what his living situation is like nor do you know his views on anything. You may not have had a relationship with your son all these years but it certainly isn't too late to try to establish some basic mutual respect for one another.

I think you should deal with your son directly. Hopefully you have a secure enough relationship with your current partner to be able to do this. Your son may initially decline an offer to meet with you as you have no idea what BS he has been fed all these years. Keep an open mind. It might be extremely humiliating for him to be in the position he is in. You don't know.
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