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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 07:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paris View Post
Checking your older posts to get a feel for your whole situation.

Since 2009 you've had a sex change? You've also had another child? You had 50/50 until this new child started school. Did you willingly give up your 50/50 arrangement?

Having kidlet every weekend is not fair to the other parent. You moved away. Not ever having your child through the week is also not fair to you. But you moved away. Move back and get your 50/50 back.

What is the driving distance/time between you and the child now?
I'm completely lost now. Is OP mom or dad? In his/her very first post he/she says "Right now I live 50 km away from the father with my two kids."

And if you have kids in another city and can't move to the city where child resides (50KM away) you're very unlikely to get any extra week access. Your best bet would be to get the majority of the summer in return.
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 07:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trinton View Post
And if you read my post that you quoted, you can see very clearly that I said "Move to where the child lives if you have to."

Sports can happen during the week, it was likely agreed upon by the parties. She didn't want the weekends. Now all of a sudden she does. Dad should not give up his time without getting time to compensate second for second.
I disagree with your version of what happened. She didn't want the weekends?

It seems he moved away, but they shared 50/50 until the child started school. At that point, somebody had to give up their weekdays. Whether he did it willingly or not, they agreed to the current arrangement. Weekends were all he could have because he moved away. He needs to move back.

I'm curious when his job changed... when he actually moved away.
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 07:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trinton View Post
I'm completely lost now. Is OP mom or dad? In his/her very first post he/she says "Right now I live 50 km away from the father with my two kids."

And if you have kids in another city and can't move to the city where child resides (50KM away) you're very unlikely to get any extra week access. Your best bet would be to get the majority of the summer in return.
I believe those posts are from 2009 and are about 2 other kids that are not part of this current thread.

He also said that 3 years ago he didn't have a choice, that they moved in together then she kicked him out. He did have a choice to not move away from the child. I'm trying to figure out if he had the same job when they lived together and he was commuting at the time.

Last edited by paris; 01-17-2017 at 07:58 PM.
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 08:12 PM
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Originally Posted by paris View Post
I believe those posts are from 2009 and are about 2 other kids that are not part of this current thread.

He also said that 3 years ago he didn't have a choice, that they moved in together then she kicked him out. He did have a choice to not move away from the child. I'm trying to figure out if he had the same job when they lived together and he was commuting at the time.
It doesn't matter how they came to the agreement. It may. But Point being that he should not agree to less time than what he has now without getting more time. He needs to keep the scale balanced.
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  #25 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 08:21 PM
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Originally Posted by trinton View Post
It doesn't matter how they came to the agreement. It may. But Point being that he should not agree to less time than what he has now without getting more time. He needs to keep the scale balanced.


I agree... but also wonder how it would hold up in court? I would certainly ask for shared holiday time, maybe more in the summer to make up for it.

The problem will be if this gets to court the OP may not have a leg to stand on because it is not a very fair schedule. One can argue the other parent still has more time but school time, work time and the busy week life is nothing compared to weekend time and I think even you can agree on that.

OP... how did this agreement come about? Was it a court order? Agreement between you and the other parent? Did you both receive legal advice?


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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 08:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
I agree... but also wonder how it would hold up in court? I would certainly ask for shared holiday time, maybe more in the summer to make up for it.

The problem will be if this gets to court the OP may not have a leg to stand on because it is not a very fair schedule. One can argue the other parent still has more time but school time, work time and the busy week life is nothing compared to weekend time and I think even you can agree on that.

OP... how did this agreement come about? Was it a court order? Agreement between you and the other parent? Did you both receive legal advice?


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1. Forget about the word fair. If fairness was a reality 50/50 would be the presumption.

2. The OP does have a leg to stand on. He doesn't want to give up anytime with his child. This is what the child has grown up and accustomed to.

3. I do agree that weekend time is nothing like weekday time. And Vice versa. They both have their pros and cons. Which is why I am suggesting that OP shouldn't give up his weekend time unless he's getting extra time to compensate. The other party wanting weekend time is no different than OP wanting weekday time.

4. It has been agreed upon and in place for 3 years. Why did it take the other parent 3 years to want to change this regime? Why were they okay wit h it for the last 3 years?
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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 09:04 PM
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Originally Posted by trinton View Post
1. Forget about the word fair. If fairness was a reality 50/50 would be the presumption.

2. The OP does have a leg to stand on. He doesn't want to give up anytime with his child. This is what the child has grown up and accustomed to.

3. I do agree that weekend time is nothing like weekday time. And Vice versa. They both have their pros and cons. Which is why I am suggesting that OP shouldn't give up his weekend time unless he's getting extra time to compensate. The other party wanting weekend time is no different than OP wanting weekday time.

4. It has been agreed upon and in place for 3 years. Why did it take the other parent 3 years to want to change this regime? Why were they okay wit h it for the last 3 years?


1. Agreed 50/50 would be the most fair but the OP moved away so that's out

2. True this is what has happened for the past 3 years but that doesn't mean it won't change and most likely will with court involved

3. The OP cannot have weekday time during the school year. The only hope is to get more summer vacation time which depending what the schedule is may not be possible

4. Child was younger but now the child has grown older and maybe there are Birthday parties or outings with friends, or whatever. But clearly mom feels there is a need for weekend access

I will agree that Dad shouldn't give up time, however I highly doubt if this makes it to court a judge will rule it to stay the same. It's just not a good schedule nor in the best interest of the child.


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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 01-18-2017, 04:24 AM
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More about the situation. We lived together she kicked me out, because she wanted to be with someone else. I couldn't afford to live in the same city so I moved to live with relatives.
While she was with someone else I had my son 70% of the time. Then he was old enough to go to school, now she wanted primary residential custody. So I took her to court I lost obviously but the interim order was that the judge gave me every weekend.

So I told the mother that I would settle out of court and I wanted every weekend as the interim order said. She agreed. We have been doing this for 3 years until she met a new boyfriend, this boyfriend doesn't like having shared custody of my son. So he's pressuring her to ask for a weekend every month. I know this because she had mentioned this to me and there was also a disagreement during the shared holidays about "equal" time during the holidays. When she had made a verbal agreement about it that I would have have him.

Hope this helps
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 01-18-2017, 12:45 PM
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Originally Posted by ChildLight View Post
More about the situation. We lived together she kicked me out, because she wanted to be with someone else. I couldn't afford to live in the same city so I moved to live with relatives.
While she was with someone else I had my son 70% of the time. Then he was old enough to go to school, now she wanted primary residential custody. So I took her to court I lost obviously but the interim order was that the judge gave me every weekend.

So I told the mother that I would settle out of court and I wanted every weekend as the interim order said. She agreed. We have been doing this for 3 years until she met a new boyfriend, this boyfriend doesn't like having shared custody of my son. So he's pressuring her to ask for a weekend every month. I know this because she had mentioned this to me and there was also a disagreement during the shared holidays about "equal" time during the holidays. When she had made a verbal agreement about it that I would have have him.

Hope this helps

Judge ordered her to have primary residency but allowed you to have every weekend. This is what the courts ordered on an interim basis and it has become final and has been working for you guys for the last 3 years. She has started dating and wants a weekend every month with the child (probably to take the kid out with the new BF). She needs to prove a material change and that's not very easy without a good lawyer. However, often judges will ask questions and establish a material change if they feel the order is not in the child's best interest. If they're not able to establish a material change they will exercise their power to overturn an order without a material change. There is case law that the courts can change an order if it is not in the best interests of the child. Mom needs to prove that the current order is not in the best interests of the child anymore and persuade the judge as to what is in the best interests of the child.

My advice to you, move back to the city and ask for more time during the weeks. You don't need to say anything more.

Last edited by trinton; 01-18-2017 at 12:47 PM.
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