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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 01-17-2017, 01:41 PM
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As the child is aging and growing more social, time with friends becomes very important to them. Spending every single weekend with dad may have been status quo, but the child's needs change.

I think it is reasonable to have a weekend at moms, both for time with friends, and for some downtime from school with mom. Given that distance is a factor, is there any way you can pick kid up on Friday after school and/or drop back on Monday morning on any of your weekends to have a little extra time? Not sure quite how great the distance is.
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Old 01-17-2017, 02:20 PM
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The thing about custody agreements is that they can be changed. Unfortunately you have an agreement that a court would not order for many reasons. I would request extra summer time or something to make up your time.


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Old 01-17-2017, 02:41 PM
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If you agree during 10 school months, that gives her 20 extra days. Can you recoup that with 3 extra weeks during the summer? Are your weekends already as long as they can be i.e. Fri aft to Mon am?
Otherwise...Move closer. The distance is a big problem.
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Old 01-17-2017, 02:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChildLight View Post
I can't he lives in another city.

What about status quo? it's been working fine for three years.
Then you are going to have to move where the child habitually resides or become an "every other weekend" parent. Parenting first... employment should be second.

Also if the other residence is <1h away then you will be driving a child back and forth to school.

If distance is your problem then you need to fix that. As Janus said... You are on the losing end of this debate in court. The other parent will get an EoW order. It is a slam dunk. The "every weekend" schedule is not one that a judge will order.

Sorry to say, parenting is not just a weekend event. It is an every day occurrence and if you are not willing to be a "weekday" parent then you will be an Every Other Weekend (EOW) parent.
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Old 01-17-2017, 03:42 PM
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Well say I move to his city, how likely is it to get 50/50 in court after this amount of time?
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Old 01-17-2017, 04:52 PM
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Getting 50/50 will be difficult but it is possible....
How hard are you will to work for it?
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Old 01-17-2017, 06:05 PM
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You have a final order. The court is not going to change the final order absent of a material change in circumstances. She needs to prove a material change before the order can be changed. The simple passage of time on it's own isn't a material change. You can just argue that there is no material change in circumstance but you could also use this as an opportunity to secure shared 50/50 access. I don't know what she might argue for material change and I don't have enough information about your case or the necessary legal knowledge to accurately speculate that.

Here is the problem with her request, she is asking to take time away from you. You should never agree to that. Why would you want less time with your child?

You could and should negotiate a shared custody arrangement with her out of court.

Perhaps you could get the child on Tuesday evenings instead of Friday evening on the weeks you have him on the weekend. Move to where the child lives if you have to. Don't give up what you have to give mom what she wants. If she wants weekend time then you want weekday time to make up for the time you're losing. It's that simple.

"I would be happy to work with you to reschedule our agreement so that you have weekends to enjoy with our son. At the same time, I really don't want to lose any time with our son and I would be very interested in having more time with him during the weekdays." And then propose your schedule change.

If she goes to court, all you have to argue is that there has been no material change in circumstances and you have tried to work with the mom to settle this out of court as you want extra time during the week to compensate for the time you would be losing with your child on the weekends by accommodating her request. The law is that children should have maximum contact with both parents, you should not agree to less time unless you believe the child would do better with less time in your care.

And yes, I promise she will eventually ask to alternate weekends if you give in to this request. Give her an inch and soon enough she'll be taking a mile. Do change jobs if you have to, but do not give up time with your child.

PS. If she ever proposes an arrangement that gives you less than 40% access, you could be sure that she is motivated by full table child support.

Last edited by trinton; 01-17-2017 at 06:38 PM.
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Old 01-17-2017, 06:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trinton View Post
You have a final order. The court is not going to change the final order absent of a material change in circumstances. She needs to prove a material change before the order can be changed. The simple passage of time on it's own isn't a material change. You can just argue that there is no material change in circumstance but you could also use this as an opportunity to secure shared 50/50 access. I don't know what she might argue for material change and I don't have enough information about your case or the necessary legal knowledge to accurately speculate that.

Here is the problem with her request, she is asking to take time away from you. You should never agree to that. Why would you want less time with your child?

You could and should negotiate a shared custody arrangement with her out of court.

Perhaps you could get the child on Tuesday evenings instead of Friday evening on the weeks you have him on the weekend. Move to where the child lives if you have to. Don't give up what you have to give mom what she wants. If she wants weekend time then you want weekday time to make up for the time you're losing. It's that simple.

"I would be happy to work with you to reschedule our agreement so that you have weekends to enjoy with our son. At the same time, I really don't want to lose any time with our son and I would be very interested in having more time with him during the weekdays." And then propose your schedule change.

If she goes to court, all you have to argue is that you want extra time during the week to compensate for the time you will be losing for your child. The law is that children should have maximum contact with both kids, you should not agree to less time unless you believe the child would do better with less time in your care.


This would be good advice if you read the thread...

He lives in a different city, he can't take a weekday at this point without relocating to where the child is. A passage of time can be used as a starting point for a material change. She can argue the child is older and the needs have changed be it friends, sports groups or just the fact she has very little personal time with her child. Not to mention this schedule is not normal so o have my doubts it was ordered by the court rather than agreed upon by both parties


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Old 01-17-2017, 06:32 PM
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Checking your older posts to get a feel for your whole situation.

Since 2009 you've had a sex change? You've also had another child? You had 50/50 until this new child started school. Did you willingly give up your 50/50 arrangement?

Having kidlet every weekend is not fair to the other parent. You moved away. Not ever having your child through the week is also not fair to you. But you moved away. Move back and get your 50/50 back.

What is the driving distance/time between you and the child now?
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Old 01-17-2017, 06:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berner_Faith View Post
This would be good advice if you read the thread...

He lives in a different city, he can't take a weekday at this point without relocating to where the child is. A passage of time can be used as a starting point for a material change. She can argue the child is older and the needs have changed be it friends, sports groups or just the fact she has very little personal time with her child. Not to mention this schedule is not normal so o have my doubts it was ordered by the court rather than agreed upon by both parties


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And if you read my post that you quoted, you can see very clearly that I said "Move to where the child lives if you have to."

Sports can happen during the week, it was likely agreed upon by the parties. She didn't want the weekends. Now all of a sudden she does. Dad should not give up his time without getting time to compensate second for second.

Last edited by trinton; 01-17-2017 at 06:44 PM.
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