Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2010, 12:25 AM
tugofwar's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: mostly in my own little world
Posts: 1,384
tugofwar is on a distinguished road
Default Mediation question

Has anyone been successful in mediation with their ex? What is the difference between open and closed? Roughly how much is the hourly rate and how long (hrs) or sessions before something could be settled on? What does mediation cover? Custody, access, financial stuff etc? Who exactly is a mediator? Background?
Guess if things don't go good, then back to court? How do you go about finding a neutral mediator?
Can it be used against you if you deny mediation recommended by your ex?
How does your lawyer usually feel about going this route?
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2010, 10:48 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 107
Underdog is on a distinguished road
Default

I was in open mediation for 5 months. (Open - means that either party can use mediation reports and the mediator as evidence / witness in later court proceedings.) (Closed - means mediator and mediation reports can not be included in court - unless both parties agree to that input.)

My mediation was unsuccessful mainly because neither one of us was ready to reach a middle ground where both party's make sacrifices and that we could get a better outcomes in court. At least, that's what our lawyers led us to believe.

We hired a veteran mediator at $350 / hr. The fact the mediator was experienced didn't help mainly because both me and my ex had lawyers and knew exactly what we can ask and we can't ask for, and also knew that we couldn't live with the other parties suggested solution.

The whole mediation boiled down to a mudslinging game and used to gather information in preparation for court. In short a big waste of time and money.

Mediation should cover all issues from custody to access and financials and ideally should end in a separation agreement.

Mediators should be neutral but mine was not. She was suggested by my ex's lawyer and very soon I knew why.

The mediators reports did not include her bias opinions expressed during our sessions and there was no way to prove that she was bias because the only other witness to her comments was my ex. The mediator dragged the sessions and tied discussions to deadend issues to justify us going back for another session to discuss the same topics again.

Spent $10000 between the mediator and the lawyer and achieved nothing. ($3000 mediator / $7000 lawyer.)

Our lawyers loved mediations because they asked us to call them after every session to update them of what happened at $200 a pop, then they would send us emails at $100 a pop, to instruct us on how to shaft each other and make each other look bad. That led to 3 mediation failures which neccessitated having the lawyers present at our mediation sessions. These sessions where killers, because I paid 1.5 hours for my lawyer's commute time from her office to the mediator's office and 2 hours for the session and half of the mediators time. So did my ex.. Total $1200 per session... Each.

If you have low income, you can suggest to your ex a government sponsored mediation, ask your FLIC office about such services. They will give you 6 hours of free mediation and a free report for closed mediation.

Open mediation reports have more teeth but can work against you if your position is a bit unreasonable from a legal point of view or if the mediator is biased... Start with closed mediation and see how comfortable you are with the mediator. Be careful... They can be tricky.
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2010, 11:00 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Toronto
Posts: 5,448
Mess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the rough
Default

I considered mediation at one point and didn't go for it for basicly the reasons Underdog stated. I asked my ex to put in writing what issues we were bringing to the mediation so I could keep the costs, time and mudslinging to a minimum. I didn't want to just show up and hear the same-old same-old, only pay $350/hour for the priviledge.

My ex's response was that at mediation "everything was on the table", even though we were already considered settled on equalization and custody, we were only dealing with child support. That was too big a red flag for me.

I'll note that I spent/wasted as much money anyway on letters back and forth, useless meetings and drawing up an offer she never bothered to respond to.

In retrospect I would have filed an application very early in the process, asked for court-ordered mediation at the first case conference, open mediation so that any bullshit she brought forward would on the table at trial, and limited it to a strict agenda. Asking the judge for mediator can mean getting independant FLIC sponsered mediator. Since I didn't go that route I can only guess at how effective it would have been, but as I say, I would have preferred it early on in the process instead of too much letters back and forth.
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2010, 02:42 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Vaughan
Posts: 2,369
billiechic is on a distinguished road
Default

How likely is the court to order mediation? Is there a fee? Sliding scale?

I wish I knew about this earlier..might have actually had things settled by now!
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2010, 03:05 PM
tugofwar's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: mostly in my own little world
Posts: 1,384
tugofwar is on a distinguished road
Default

Billiechic, I really don't think this would work knowing your story, both parties need and willingly have to be able to speak freely and negotiate a settlement but with your ex, I highly doubt that would have been achieved.

Last edited by tugofwar; 06-21-2010 at 03:08 PM.
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2010, 03:09 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Vaughan
Posts: 2,369
billiechic is on a distinguished road
Default

I know. I am grasping at straws, that's all.
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2010, 04:09 PM
tugofwar's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: mostly in my own little world
Posts: 1,384
tugofwar is on a distinguished road
Default

Me too.....
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2010, 04:27 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,475
dinkyface will become famous soon enough
Default

You could also try an arbitrator (basically a paid judge). The procedure/rules are much more formal/strict, and they have to be licensed as an arbitrator. You have to agree to submit to their decision before starting the process.

Mediators are unlicensed, no training required, and it is just talk - they do not make binding rulings.
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2010, 04:54 PM
tugofwar's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: mostly in my own little world
Posts: 1,384
tugofwar is on a distinguished road
Default

So, who exactly is this third party mediator? Are psychologists considered a mediator?
If so, that would probably work in my favor lol
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 06-21-2010, 06:44 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Toronto
Posts: 5,448
Mess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the roughMess is a jewel in the rough
Default

Ministry of the Attorney General - Family Mediation
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Question about Child and Spousal Support deevusone Divorce & Family Law 13 05-09-2012 10:08 PM
Mediation & Domestic Violence Grace Domestic Violence 18 06-22-2011 02:19 AM
Mediation Agreement Question Gord Shell Divorce & Family Law 2 11-17-2008 11:38 PM
Mediation chinyuk Divorce & Family Law 4 10-09-2008 09:56 AM
sent to mediation littleman Divorce & Family Law 73 11-27-2006 12:39 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:35 PM.