Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 09-26-2015, 06:42 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,836
stripes is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
Make sure to consider even if she agrees to a transition that she will try to sabotage it (moving away etc..)

The transition has to be less than 1 year, assuming she has sole custody now.

I would start with 50/50 non negotiable and the add the transition just before mediation is called off. It prob won't make a difference but it might give the mediator something they might feel like they can work with.
Astonishingly, I agree with Links.

I would go in proposing 50/50 beginning now, then be willing to negotiate on the transition period if Mom balks. I agree that a year is a more than adequate period for the transition (make sure you have a set end point: e.g. "By September 30 2016, the child will be spending not less than 14 nights each month with each parent" - and also with an agreement that Mom will not remove the child from whatever city or town you live in, so that progress towards 50/50 will not be impeded by geographic factors (Kid is a bit too young to frame it in terms of school district). 50/50 (or 60/40, really) is your bottom line, you will not waste the mediator's time discussing scenarios in which Kid resides primarily with Mom, because those are not viable scenarios. What you are willing to negotiate is the timing and the strategy for transition to shared parenting.

Frankly, it sounds like your mediation is going to be a waste of time, but you never know - Mom might come to her senses. And at least you can say you tried mediation before litigation.
Reply With Quote
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 09-27-2015, 09:51 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 216
YoungDad23 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by stripes View Post
Frankly, it sounds like your mediation is going to be a waste of time, but you never know - Mom might come to her senses. And at least you can say you tried mediation before litigation.
Thx Stripes, I am prepared for mediation to accomplish next to nothing, except to provide me with another example of ex being uncooperative.

A couple of things ex gf has said and done lately have given me a tiny bit of hope though. She recently wrote in an email that she would like to close this "chapter" and focus on S2 and also she was the first one to contact the mediator's office after LAO settlement conference fell through. For the last two years she has been avoiding and dragging out everything she could related to our case, so this is new.

I am looking at next weeks mediation session as at least an opportunity to get a read on what she is planning use as her reasoning for sole custody at trial and to hear her speak without her lawyer or her mother right beside her.
Reply With Quote
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 09-28-2015, 03:41 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 185
nfc4ever is on a distinguished road
Default

Are you in LAO mediation? What happens there is they roll a red carpet out for the woman.

Do not, repeat do not let the mediator, and both lawyers go into a room together. That was the biggest mistake I made.

Her LAO lawyer will show up late, without a brief, and throw a verbal offer down and then the mediator will pressure you to sign it, by feigning that they have to leave early
Reply With Quote
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 09-28-2015, 06:00 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 216
YoungDad23 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nfc4ever View Post
Are you in LAO mediation? What happens there is they roll a red carpet out for the woman.

Do not, repeat do not let the mediator, and both lawyers go into a room together. That was the biggest mistake I made.

Her LAO lawyer will show up late, without a brief, and throw a verbal offer down and then the mediator will pressure you to sign it, by feigning that they have to leave early
Good to know and thanks for the warning. It won't surprise me at all if they try pressure tactics, but I won't be pushed into ANYTHING because somebody needs to be somewhere else in a hurry.

Her LAO lawyer tried the kind of bull**** you're describing at our TMC in August. She showed up late, and tried to pull me and ex into a conference room, but my mother came too and refused to leave the room unless a duty counsel was brought in to witness the conversation.

Both my ex and her lawyer tried to convince my mother to leave and when she wouldn't, ex's LAO lawyer threw her hands up and said fine, lets go back to the courtroom.

It is LAO mediation but I am self-repped (don't qualify for LAO lawyer), which is why the LAO settlement conference her lawyer tried to set up didn't happen.
Reply With Quote
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 09-28-2015, 08:37 PM
arabian's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 9,858
arabian will become famous soon enough
Default

Stay the course... sounds like you ain't no dummy.

Thanks for keeping us updated.
Reply With Quote
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 10-01-2015, 11:24 AM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 264
FirstTimer is on a distinguished road
Default

As a person that went through mediation about a month ago with a high conflict personality, EVEN if you come to some agreements it could be also nullified by her lawyer and go straight to trial.

At the end of the day and if your ex has the same type of personality as my lovely ex, then compromise to her means she gets 100% what she wants.

It sounds like her lawyer is enabling her bad behavior.
Reply With Quote
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 10-01-2015, 04:20 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 216
YoungDad23 is on a distinguished road
Default Mediated Settlement

Update:

Ex and I attended mediation today and were able to agree on final terms of settlement for custody, access and child support of S2. We spent 3 straight hours in a room with legal aid mediator at the courthouse.

Without her lawyer or mother in the room, ex finally spoke up for herself and our son, asked intelligent questions of the mediator and made her own decisions. Ex said several times during negotiations that she does not want to go through the stress and dirt slinging of a trial (I hope she means it).

We settled on joint custody, joint decision making, primary residence with mom until S2 starts school and table child support. My parenting time stays the same for now at approx. 25% until S2 starts school in 2017 when it changes to 50/50 shared and offset CS.

Neither of us can move out of the area we live in without consent or court order and travel outside of Ontario requires written consent from the other parent.

Surprisingly ex even agreed to change S2's surname to include mine and update his birth certificate to include father's info. I had planned to leave that issue alone until custody was decided but mediator brought it up and ex came around to the idea.

I understand that the terms we agreed to today won't be binding until they are turned into a final order by the judge at our TMC next month but it's a great start.

For now I feel like a ton of bricks has been taken off my back and hopefully things will continue to move in the right direction.

Thx for all the support and helpful comments to date!

YD23
Reply With Quote
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 10-01-2015, 10:16 PM
Rioe's Avatar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3,217
Rioe will become famous soon enough
Default

Just goes to show how much unreasonableness is caused by the person being egged on by third parties like relatives or their lawyer.
Reply With Quote
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 10-01-2015, 10:43 PM
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 216
YoungDad23 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rioe View Post
Just goes to show how much unreasonableness is caused by the person being egged on by third parties like relatives or their lawyer.
Exactly Rioe!!

The mediator did a really good job today cutting through all the BS other people have been feeding ex over the last two years and even told her that her LAO lawyer didn't do a very good job of representing her.

Over the course of the three hours, we managed to cover a lot of ground about what has gone on and what each of us wants for S2 as he grows up.

We realized that we are on the same page regarding religion and education including that S2 will be attending JK in 2017.

Had ex not had a lawyer we could have taken the agreement to duty counsel and signed off on it today . I really hope that her lawyer and her mother don't make any headway in twisting her mind back to the dark side.
Reply With Quote
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 10-01-2015, 11:15 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 63
BlueDressInToronto is on a distinguished road
Default

That's fantastic news. Congratulations!
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Refusing Mediation GoDiegoGo Divorce & Family Law 2 03-09-2013 09:39 AM
Mediation Session Coming Up - Question of Strategy Ontario_Dad_41162 Divorce & Family Law 4 11-21-2011 10:48 AM
Week by Week Custody change agreatdad Parenting Issues 8 09-01-2011 12:15 AM
Mediation! - what a disaster! ddol1 Divorce & Family Law 3 08-15-2011 08:19 PM
1 week on, 1 week off - appropriate at age 3? Aelon Parenting Issues 11 08-24-2010 11:22 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:32 PM.