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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 09-17-2015, 11:45 AM
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My ex and I have been separated 10 years now, in this ten years we remained friends and never settled anything. Last week she decided to hire a new lawyer and i was sent a request for available days for a settlement conference.
I spoke to my ex and asked her to try mediation before we actually go into the battle field.
My question is what I should expect in mediation. How effective is it?
I have been paying child support over the last ten years. Spousal support was mentioned 8 years ago or so but never enforced, and as mentioned we remained good friends. We dated on and off through-out these ten years but never actually lived together. We had a home which was 50 owned with my parents. Her name was never on title since the home was purchased many years before we were married.
I have spoken to several lawyers and asked about the actual evaluation date. Got many different answers.
Iím hoping we can come up with a figure and put this all behind us, but who knows what her lawyer will ask for.
Should I consult with a lawyer about mediation, what should I prepare?
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Old 09-17-2015, 12:18 PM
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I don't understand why she would have any entitlement to the house if it was purchased and owned by you and your parents prior to the marriage. Who is living in the house now? Did you have any evaluations of the home prior, during and after the time of the separation?

Yes "friends" as long as everyone is getting what they want out of the relationship.

Here is an old case (I' sure there are more recent ones) regarding equalization of home owned prior to marriage.
https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/do...resultIndex=25

Whether you decide to participate in mediation you should get up-to-speed on equalization process. Length of marriage, using one bank account exclusively, and many other things will likely be important as you proceed.

Last edited by arabian; 09-17-2015 at 12:33 PM.
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Old 09-17-2015, 12:38 PM
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The home was purchased with my dad in 1989, I was married in 1995. My ex and i moved into the home until she moved out in 2005. The evaluation date was set at March 2005. I remained in the home by myself. She never in this time moved back even tough we were dating/good-friends. She was never on title, but because we moved there it became the matrimonial home. We had it appraised when she moved out. Is she entitled to today value or when she moved out?
Is mediation the right way to go, what should i expect?
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Old 09-17-2015, 01:07 PM
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I'm no expert but I believe she MIGHT be entitled to a percentage of the increase in home value from time it became matrimonial home until it ceased being matrimonial home (when she left). So I would take a guess that based on the ownership (you 50%) she would be entitled to 1/2 of the 50% of increased value of property during those years - 25% of increase in value.

Others with better knowledge of this will hopefully chime in. Things differ Province to Province - check matrimonial property act if it relates to your situation.

I have no experience with mediation. I just know once you get lawyers involved you will both pay lots of money - this may far exceed the amount of money she would be entitled to receive for equalization.
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Old 09-17-2015, 01:29 PM
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My 3 year high-conflict nightmare ended with mediation, and if I could do it all over again I'd self-rep and go to trial. Not trying to scare you away... just giving you my personal experience with how mediation "worked".

For me it was an 8 hour day, locked in separate rooms with our lawyers, in the mediators law office.

My position, as it always had been since day 1, was rational, reasonable, fair and balanced. Her position since day 1 was take a look at my offer, dream up numbers way out in right field, then "fight" to meet in the middle. This is what happened at mediation... i.e. the mediator tries to pull each party towards the middle.

As the day dragged on, I kept making concession after concession to move the process forward. In the end, all my concessions added up to a very healthy 5 figure bonus for her. The saving grace for me was I'm sure it still didn't cover her lawyers fee, so I'm a textbook example of only the lawyers win.

This was several years ago and I'm still kicking myself today for being too flexible.... however she's unemployed and loaded (from inheritances), with no concept of doing a cost/benefit analysis of the situation. It would have dragged on for another year, and I guarantee you I was the only person in the room thinking of the best interests of my children.

Anyway, as I say I'm not out to scare you... but you asked what to expect... and thats what I experienced. If you're on relatively equal financial terms... consider making a left-field offer to give yourself lots of wiggle room. I didn't have that option, as if my offers were too low, she could have easily gone after costs.
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Old 09-17-2015, 01:44 PM
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It sounds like am thinking along the same line as you. Iím hoping mediation will give us a meeting point where we can settle before lawyers eat up whatever I have left. Iíve been asking her for a figure, unfortunately she hasnít responded. Also she has retained a lawyer, I hope her lawyer doesnít tell her to avoid mediation, and let her act on her behalf.
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Old 09-17-2015, 02:03 PM
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Lawyers are business people. One of the first things they do is a mental financial analysis to see how much money they can make off of you. If the two of you are put at odds against each other then they make more money. If the two of you get along then their billable hours are less.

Mediators can be lawyers and mediation can be VERY expensive. I'd approach this like getting a major home renovation project - get estimates.
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Old 09-17-2015, 06:30 PM
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I attempted mediation with my x and it was a bust, she was willing to give me pretty much everything that I had wanted, however tried to hose me over with S7 expenses when I asked for evidence to suggest he was participating in all of these activities and enrolled in daycare it went belly up. She then continously changed her stance in court, yes access, no access, supervised access (what she put on paper and what she said were always different) she tried to go after me for costs that was nixed though. In the end about 8 months in and I have no idea what her lawyer said to her she decided to settle.
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Old 09-17-2015, 11:19 PM
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Isn't there a time limit on this stuff? My husband and his ex signed a separation agreement for custody and child support. A few years later she moved out of the home to live with a boyfriend. We took over the home, renovated, and between the 2 of them they split the profit.

After they had been separated for 6 years he decided to file for divorce. His lawyer told him to wait a year. She said after 7 years of quiet, his ex wouldn't be able to make any claims for anything else including his pension.

He waited 2 more years and was able to get a straight up divorce. His work pension is his. She tried to get it, but her own legal council told her it was too late to try and she was lucky she got house proceeds.
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