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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 12-05-2012, 02:52 PM
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Default Making up access

Here is the background info.
Ex denied fathers day weekend and finally made it up in November (just very basic details) So I "should" have had 3 weekends in a row. First 2 weekends work out well but on the Thursday before the 3rd weekend I get an email stating that because of a family emergency I could not have the 3rd weekend because they will be unavailable. I replied and gave my support, if it really was an emergency I don't want to be the guy who is mean during a hard time.
So inquire about it and she said her mother is in hospital right now, thinking that its probably a lie I make a few calls to the local hospitals and nobody is in or has been recently discharged with her name.....
Also facebook status changed and was taken out of relationship status.

I am just frustrated because we make up 1 weekend only to be denied another. What should I do.
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Old 12-05-2012, 03:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iceberg View Post
Ask for next weekend. She can't find excuses forever
You would be surprised.... she actually thought facebook was private lol. I told her to Google her name and she was really angry.

She said we will make it up in January, but I am just frustrated that she can deny a weekend and then push it off indefinatly. January is not the best month for me as I am a boyscout leader and we have some winter camps, luckily she can come to them still but its a little difficult. When I have her I like to actually be able to focus on her.
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Old 12-05-2012, 03:48 PM
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Send an email saying you are sorry to hear that her mother is not well and as such you've agreed to change the parenting time schedule so that she can have the child this weekend.

State that, for make up, the following weekends (list 3-4) work for you and that could she confirm which one also works for her.

Then stop checking her facebook and stop calling it access....it is parenting time....
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Old 12-05-2012, 04:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
Send an email saying you are sorry to hear that her mother is not well and as such you've agreed to change the parenting time schedule so that she can have the child this weekend.

State that, for make up, the following weekends (list 3-4) work for you and that could she confirm which one also works for her.

Then stop checking her facebook and stop calling it access....it is parenting time....

Her mom is not even sick. Though before finding out I did send that. I still am able to talk with her parents, when Nanny and Grampa come to pick up our daughter on some Sundays we normally talk for up to an hour including coffee and related things. We have a great relationship most of the time, and I do honestly wish them the best.

By giving her dates it means she will not pick those. Fathers day was made up last minute in November with only 4 days notice.
Agreed with parenting time and not access, its just so frustrating to feel helpless.
It just seems that while I try and remain calm they keep escalating things. 3 times now while picking up our daughter (because of the way the school is I am away from my truck ) someone has gone into the truck bed and taken things out of the compartment in it and thrown it in the back. I am starting to video tape my truck when I am there to see who is doing it, although her boyfriend is always standing at their vehicle when I get back. I know that I need video proof but its more that they continually want to make things worse. That was just a rant, I know I have to video tape it and catch whoever it is. If something were unsecured and flew out of the back it could hurt someone. Its about 2.5 hour drive between our houses during rush hour so its a long time one the road.
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Old 12-05-2012, 04:40 PM
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Is your access time well spelled out in a parenting plan as part of a separation agreement?

Your ex can and will lie to you it seems. Trust me, been there done that. Trying to prove it though is pointless and a waste of your time and energy because at the end of the day it doesn't fix anything.

Point out to her, in an email or written letter, that there is a pattern of access delayed or denied on a consistent basis. Provide dates and times. Show how many times it has happened (as much as you can).

Ask her to work with you so that going forward, you get the agreed upon access. Tell her if you are unable to agree to fix this, you will have to consider her in contempt of the court order and seek mediation(if that is in your agreement) or take it to court. Copy your lawyer.

Don't be confrontational, or emotional, just factual. Whether or not her mother was sick is actually not important.

Good luck.
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Old 12-05-2012, 05:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fireweb13 View Post
Here is the background info.
Ex denied fathers day weekend
Luckily I am not in this situation, but I have to ask. How do people "deny" access? Cannot you not just go get the children, and call the police with a separation agreement in hand? I know that the police will probably not intervene, but they will make a report, and I imagine that the mere fact of a police presence would stop any casual access denials.

Frankly, I do not see how access denial is any different than kidnapping.

As for makeup time, it is often suggested on this forum that it occur very very quickly. If it is planned makeup time, then it should happen in advance. If it is emergency makeup time, it should happen the following week. I don't get this careful approach to access denial. If you didn't pay CS, I am sure you would be hit with a hammer. Access denial is worse, hit with a bigger hammer.
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Old 12-05-2012, 05:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iceberg View Post
some still call it visitation
On another site I frequent, they have a filter that changes visitation/access to ....

The people in my circle know better then to call it visitation. Access sounds like something a convict is given.

We parent our kids. We don't visit or access them.
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Old 12-05-2012, 05:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
Luckily I am not in this situation, but I have to ask. How do people "deny" access? Cannot you not just go get the children, and call the police with a separation agreement in hand?
Short answer. No. lol.

The police have no interest in getting involved in stuff like this, and will simply tell you you need to go back to court, if the order is not being followed. Even if you have an order, that has a police enforcement clause in it, that they are "ordered" to act on, they likely won't, because it is not an emergency (ex. life in danger). And if a child's life was in danger, they wouldn't need an enforcement clause to act on. And then one can bring up the "do you really want police involved in getting your kids" argument on this.

Usually, people who deny kids from access with the other parent, know the police will do nothing.
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Old 12-05-2012, 05:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fireweb13 View Post
Her mom is not even sick.
I know. I read further on and my email was just playing along with her charade. I figure there is no harm no foul by playing along.

Quote:
By giving her dates it means she will not pick those.
She may not pick those, but it causes her reply. And if she doesn't pick one of those, you ask for her to give you a list of dates to go over and determine which of her dates works best for your schedule.

If the ex is the type that is bad with working out makeup time, I would:

A - stop agreeing to it. Simply state that due to their reluctance to work with you on makeup time or their inability to grant you makeup time in a reasonable period, you are unwilling to agree to any changes in the parenting time schedule.

B - get your makeup time first. This is the best route. If the ex asks for a last minute switch, and they are bad at giving makeup time see above. But if they ask for a switch state that you will be willing to accomodate their request if you are provided your extra time prior to the date of the requested switch, as you have found it difficult getting your parenting time when you have agreed to dates after the switch. And should you not get your parenting time prior to the date of the switch, you intend on exercising your parenting time in accordance with the regular schedule.

You just have to drill it into their head that, if they want to change the parenting schedule, they need to accomodate you. And that you are willing to be reasonable so long as they are. And should they be unreasonable, don't expect any favours in return.
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Old 12-05-2012, 05:27 PM
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The language in my separation agreement, which was drafted with template software "Divorcemate" uses the term access. I have "liberal" access according to my SA which means I get them as much as they want to see me. The challenge has been that they are teens with busy social lives, and when their mother was so inclinded as to be unhappy with me, or even with her lot in life, suddenly my requests for time were being denied, and in some cases arrangements cancelled at the last minute. Luckily things are improving.
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