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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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Old 03-07-2017, 08:11 PM
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Default Lump sum for custody

Hello, I won't go into the distant details of my story but the basics are here. Daughter is 10 years old, ex and I broke up when she was almost 2. 5 years ago she was granted an order to move 2 hrs away because her boyfriend (now husband) had a great job working for his father. Right away things started to fall apart, he got a DUI and could not work for his dad. They have both been between jobs and recently neither has worked for about a year. They have moved 7 times in those years and changed schools 5 times. Most recently in september they were evicted, and now they are facing eviction again. We are dealing with a contempt order for access which they are failing to comply with as there are alot of days to make up. My ex is requesting that I pay her $10 000, allow her to keep the child tax benefits and continue to pay child support, in return I would get custody of our daughter but have to drive her 3 weekends out of 4 to them. Has anyone been asked to "buy" their child before? I don't even really know what to do. My wife works full time and I am a full time student, but we own a house and have a 2 year old daughter together as well, and live a pretty stable life. We do want custody of our daughter but are unsure what to do about this as we are not really currently in court.

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Old 03-07-2017, 08:37 PM
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Have her put it in writing then hire a lawyer and file for custody?
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Old 03-07-2017, 08:41 PM
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Have her put it in writing then hire a lawyer and file for custody?
What level of writing would work for this. So far, in January my ex's husband had this big talk with me about how they want to move and they think that since our daughter has been with them for so long maybe its time for her to move with us, and asked for money but asked me to email them. Once I emailed them about it they never got back to me. Now I am getting txt messages but I am not sure how much that would stand for in front of a judge.
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Old 03-07-2017, 10:02 PM
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I have not experience with the use of text messages in court (have used emails) but I do recall subject being raised several times on this forum. Perhaps others will chime in here. You could also do a search. Texting is the modern way of communication nowadays so it would stand to reason that it would be accepted into evidence one would think.
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Old 03-07-2017, 11:01 PM
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sounds sketchy. I'd speak to a lawyer if I were you. doesn't sound like the other side can afford one.

text message is admissible in court.
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Old 03-07-2017, 11:07 PM
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sounds sketchy. I'd speak to a lawyer if I were you. doesn't sound like the other side can afford one.

text message is admissible in court.
It is sketchy, and the fact that I am confident it is her husband sending the text messages makes it worse. He is literally trying to sell her child... It is documented that she is being physically abused by him as well. Not a good situation for anyone.
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Old 03-07-2017, 11:18 PM
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Sounds more like desperation... perhaps someone is using?
You mentioned someone had a DUI in your first post....
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Old 03-07-2017, 11:50 PM
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This is crazy on so many levels:

1. Child tax benefit and child support are meant to offset the costs of a child. If your ex isn't spending money on the child, she doesn't get the tax benefits or child support.
2. You can't buy custody or access, or children. You just can't. You are also not responsible for supporting your ex and her husband.
3. If I were you, I'd take the evidence you have, get a lawyer, and seek custody. It will probably cost you less than $10K, and it will be legal. These parents sound like lunatics. I'm sure you could make a case for a material change in circumstances.
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Old 03-08-2017, 11:26 AM
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I am actually going to go against the grain here, and here is why.

I say pay the money and get the kid. Keep the child with you for a period of time, register them in school and make your house home. 6-8 months from gaining custody you file a motion in court for custody. You will have built up status-quo which will strengthen your case for custody. You cease paying c/s to the ex, request that she pay you. Once the order issued, you update the CRA that you are now the custodial parent.

I think tipping your hand now with filing for custody, while not having the kid with you, will only further frustrate your parenting time as your ex will become more combative. I think you improve your chances by having the child with you. If you can get something on paper, even email, it would further improve your chances of maintaining custody once the SHTF and you file for custody. You could mention to the ex that you need something in writing from here stating that you have custody to register the kid in school.

Edit - Meant to say this in my original post - that just because you paid her, unless you get something in writing, the custody change would be almost unenforceable should she renege and keep the money and the kid. You need something in writing and you need some time for it to appear what was put to paper is actually happening.

Last edited by HammerDad; 03-08-2017 at 02:22 PM.
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Old 03-09-2017, 11:15 AM
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You cannot " buy your child". Take all the evidence to a judge and file and emergency motion. If the husband is willing to " sell" the child to you for a quick,payout, maybe he is desperate to do something else.

I think it would be unswise to enter into any agreement of cash for custody.

The fact you have been approached is reason enough for,an emergency motion to gain temporary custody and demand drug and alcohol testing.
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