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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2015, 04:15 PM
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My sons father and I have never lived together. We had a long distance relationship and broke up during my pregnancy.

My son plays single A hockey which he absolutely loves and has played for 4 years but it's never been an issue until now.

There is no existing access order as my sons father did not show up in court 10 years ago (he had a substance abuse issue which he has since kicked). I have family where he lives so for most of my sons life, I brought him to see his dad every free weekend and more often in the summer even though I did not have to. Last year I asked him if he would like his son every other week in the summer and he agreed and then cancelled on him half the time to go to Saskatchewan to see his girlfriend.

He calls his son ONCE A YEAR but claims to want build a better relationship.

I agree that a relationship with a father is extremely important (which is why I tried all these years) but not at the cost of my sons happiness and emotional well being, especially since it was never a priority to his dad until now after I am trying to increase support.
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  #12 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2015, 04:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OntarioMomma View Post
Exactly my thoughts.

This child is 11 and has established a life without his dad around.
If it's a positive relationship, then that's great he's showing interest in your son. But the child shouldn't be giving things up to make it happen.
That's dad's job.
Dad should be coming to his son and fitting in to his life, not vice versa.
Some trust needs to be established to start building a relationship that will benefit the child.
This is wrong-headed thinking. It is BOTH parents who have an obligation to facilitate the relationship with the other parent. Just because one parent has not had the best relationship with the child doesn't mean they all the sudden bear more responsibility to make it better.

And yes, as kids we all had to give up certain activities due to our parents lives. That is called life.

And as mentioned in an earlier post, we don't know what the current order provides or why the distance exists. Those two factors will weigh greatly on any real advise we can give.

Just because one side of the story says the relationship isn't great, doesn't mean we take it at full value. Especially when the solution to the comment is self-serving.
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Old 10-02-2015, 04:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kita22 View Post
I agree that a relationship with a father is extremely important (which is why I tried all these years) but not at the cost of my sons happiness and emotional well being, especially since it was never a priority to his dad until now after I am trying to increase support.
You realize that the increased parenting time will have no impact on the amount of support you would receive. I hope your ex realizes it too.
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  #14 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2015, 04:20 PM
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For years I've even begged him to try some sort of mediation to work out our issues, even going so far as requesting HIS father as the mediator. He flat out refused and said that he didn't care if he had to live with this the rest of his life.

I've tried every possible way I could think of over the years to get them to have a better relationship. During that time my son and I built a life that he enjoys and I'm sorry, I don't believe he should have to pay for his fathers mistakes.

Most of our communication has always been through texts and I've kept the past 4 years. I have record of it all.
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Old 10-02-2015, 04:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kita22 View Post
For years I've even begged him to try some sort of mediation to work out our issues, even going so far as requesting HIS father as the mediator. He flat out refused and said that he didn't care if he had to live with this the rest of his life.

I've tried every possible way I could think of over the years to get them to have a better relationship. During that time my son and I built a life that he enjoys and I'm sorry, I don't believe he should have to pay for his fathers mistakes.

Most of our communication has always been through texts and I've kept the past 4 years. I have record of it all.
I am not saying that you won't be somewhat successful should this end up in court. I am saying that the ex will get some parenting time, and it may not be entirely convenient to you or the kid. In lieu of weekends during hockey season, he may receive 1/2 the summer, each March Break and 1/2 of Christmas Break (heck, they may get that anyway). Alternatively, they may get every long weekend and some combination of the above.

How all this goes down will depend on what you are willing to sacrifice. The ex will almost certainly get some sort of parenting time. You can either try to negotiate something where the ex gets some sort of combination of weekends/breaks listed above in exchange for having 1 weekend a month during hockey season. Hockey season would have to be fairly well defined as to not allow it become year-round hockey season.

Unless the child is likely going to be drafted into the NHL, the courts will likely see that the relationship with the ex is more important than hockey. That the ex was a douchebag for years is now irrelevant because it looks like they have now saw the light, no matter what you believe the reasoning behind it is. It's never to late to try and fix old mistakes.
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Old 10-02-2015, 04:34 PM
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If access with his son was so important than why did he not take me to court? If I wasn't requesting more support than he would be fine with the access he has now forever. This is about getting me back for doing this.

I've requested a Children's Advocate Lawyer.
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  #17 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2015, 04:35 PM
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From what I am gathering from this... you tried to get Dad involved for years, but Dad had a substance abuse problem. However, he has now kicked that habit and wants to be involved, but now all the sudden you don't want him to have the child often?

I find it hard to believe that you spent YEARS trying to facilitate a relationship and realize how important it is, but now don't want Dad involved? You have wanted this for YEARS, so now that Dad wants it, why are you trying to prevent it!?
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  #18 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2015, 04:37 PM
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I've requested 4 weeks (off and on) in the summer and any weekend that he doesn't have hockey unless he will get him there. Anything other than this would require my son to quit what he loves to do. I'm not willing to accept that and if that makes me a b*tch of an ex than I'll live with that.
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  #19 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2015, 04:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kita22 View Post
I've requested 4 weeks (off and on) in the summer and any weekend that he doesn't have hockey unless he will get him there. Anything other than this would require my son to quit what he loves to do. I'm not willing to accept that and if that makes me a b*tch of an ex than I'll live with that.
What you don't understand is you do not get to make that choice. If this ends up in court, more than likely he will get every other weekend, whether you like it or not. It seems like it is a your way or the highway type of negotiation going on here. Would you be okay with only 4 weeks in the summer and a few weekends here and there?

Dad wasn't around most of his life, you have already stated that was due a substance abuse problem. It appears Dad has kicked that habit and now wants to right his mistakes. What you are proposing is not a negotiation. As was pointed out, unless he is headed for the NHL, your argument is pretty weak.

Sorry it is not what you want to hear, but its the truth.
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  #20 (permalink)  
Old 10-02-2015, 04:47 PM
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This is what MY SON has requested. I've told my son that if he wanted to spend all summer with his father than I would be fine with that. If he was ok with every other weekend then I would be fine with that. He's not comfortable with his father and his father does not care to try to make him comfortable.

I get that there are a lot of dads on here with ex's that keep their kids away for their own selfish reasons but this is NOT ME.
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