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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21 (permalink)  
Old 07-06-2014, 05:48 PM
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the best advice you got here is not going for sole custody. you mentioned nowhere that she is unfit or that you can prove that. if you both aim for sole custody, one of you might get it, and im not optimistic that it would be you. you have to act as a pecekeeper and try and show how shared custody is in childs best interest. that way at very least parallel parenting is very likely.

when my ex served me with bunch of lies I was ready to serve her with bunch of truth and my lawyer was all fired up to go for full custody. it was members of this forum who nailed some rationale into my head.

regarding the school, you need to file a motion for it and writing in that affidavit why is it best for the kid to go to school in your area. your job flexibility is one example. after all, she moved.

my ex lives 40 minutes away. school is a battle every summer. She lost. I get the kid every weekday and every 4th weekend. even though on agreement it says week on week off. in your case she should drive the kid during her time? too far? her problem
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  #22 (permalink)  
Old 07-06-2014, 06:14 PM
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Yeah I'm off the sole custody bent now. Funny enough it eased up for me when i went to self representing. The financial ticking time bomb hanging over my head was making ME aggressive. I wanted to find pressure points to make her settle (hopefully making her fear that I might get sole). With legal aid there seems to be no reasonability because it's like fighting a war where one side has all the gunpowder.

I have 20 year in business - I've witnessed and negotiated some big deals and so I understand the dynamics to a settlement...and I could see very early on the other side had no motivation or mental readiness to come to terms . But the $60-80k it was going to take starts to make you wonder if you are doing more harm to your kids from a financial perspective. I have two boys (an older one from another marriage) that wipes out his college fund for sure and maybe most of young one's too.

But now I am pulling a budda (as I call it) okay...relax...let this thing roll out. Time is on my side and it's not chomping $2500 per month out of my pocket. It changes everything...

Mediation, mediation, mediation, lots of correspondence with the wife's lawyer... I'm going to wear out her training wheels . She'll be heading off to the relative clam of real estate law when this is all done. (Actually I feel for family lawyers...what a noisy, nasty way to make money)... I don't begrudge the $375 per hour...I just know I've designed better ways to manage time on far more complex systems then the way this system is rigged. It truly archaic.

I am sincerely fortunate I had a great judge and got 50/50 at the exparte so I should play to that strength. Others here don't have that luxury.
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  #23 (permalink)  
Old 07-07-2014, 03:00 PM
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I have purchased the Family Law Practice 2014 - great book for $155 on LexisNexus.com...

It has helped me find key case law on each pertinent point. The OP is accusing me of Verbal Abuse. Well I am trying to find this in index. I have looked under Verbal, Domestic Abuse, Violence.

There doesn't seem to be any place where this is located in the Divorce Act or Family Law statutes...

If she is making the claim - no doubt it is in hopes of frustrating access (turns out that is pretty weak) but also for the purposes of seeking spousal support (we have a pre-nup).

Under spousal support there is a section called "Cruelty" - is this what they would be looking to fight it under?

Anyways - I am just struggling with where in the divorce law this particular issue is covered.
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  #24 (permalink)  
Old 07-07-2014, 05:28 PM
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I was labeled as verbal abuser. I told her she can use email (which she does now) or FW, or file a restraining order. No more phone calls. If your verbal abuse occured 1 year ago then ita a bit too late. Is she says you are abusing her now switch to email and keep using recording device for own protection. She cant do nothing about verbal abuse unless she proved serious threats.

That book is damn expensive. Is it for ontario only?
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  #25 (permalink)  
Old 07-07-2014, 07:39 PM
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Only for ontario but only half the price of a meeting with my lawyer.

Yes no further claims of abuse. She says it was a one time thing a year ago.

So if this is laughable we should be able to settle at mediation based on a positive OCL report right?

Is there any strategy to settlements? For example should we close off child access and custody agreement before moving on to financial?

Does anyone have past experience with settling? There are a lot of wacky issues in my case...for example once we get past access/custody then I have to deal with the fact she has been under estimating her income so I will want her income imputed. She just quit her job and said I don't work anymore but had been working for years prior earning a good income.

We had a prenup but she wants to fight that.

So I wonder if we signed off on access if they would just dig their heels in on the financial stuff.

I am hoping the legal aid people just tell her to settle for the first reasonable offer.
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  #26 (permalink)  
Old 07-07-2014, 07:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Headwaters1 View Post
Only for ontario but only half the price of a meeting with my lawyer.

Yes no further claims of abuse. She says it was a one time thing a year ago.

So if this is laughable we should be able to settle at mediation based on a positive OCL report right?

Is there any strategy to settlements? For example should we close off child access and custody agreement before moving on to financial?

Does anyone have past experience with settling? There are a lot of wacky issues in my case...for example once we get past access/custody then I have to deal with the fact she has been under estimating her income so I will want her income imputed. She just quit her job and said I don't work anymore but had been working for years prior earning a good income.

We had a prenup but she wants to fight that.

So I wonder if we signed off on access if they would just dig their heels in on the financial stuff.

I am hoping the legal aid people just tell her to settle for the first reasonable offer.
you had a prenup and now she wants to fight that? I hate it when people sign stuff in good faith then try and back out of it later. As for the rest, if she digs her heels in on one thing, I would bet she would dig her heels in on all issues.
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  #27 (permalink)  
Old 07-11-2014, 11:26 PM
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So my stbx changed lawyers in June. She was on legal aid. I am not sure she is on it anymore with the new lawyer. I believe LAO has free mediation right? does anyone know what they are called formally? I would like to request this from her lawyer...just wondering how to ask. 1) I'd really like to mediate and 2) it will tell me if she is on LAO.

Does anyone have info on these mediations....are they on record...is her lawyer there? Is a professional mediator in the room?
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  #28 (permalink)  
Old 07-12-2014, 12:20 AM
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My feeling/experience is that in a hearing of merits unless abuse allegations ARE seriously supported they are dismissed out of hand.

My ex claimed abuse and the judge couldn't have cared less.

I think it was also related to how I and her presented ourselves.

I wouldn't waste TOO much time fighting unsubstantiated abuse allegations and focus on the business going forward.
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  #29 (permalink)  
Old 07-12-2014, 01:18 PM
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That's a relief to hear Links. I tried searching "Hearing if Merits". Was that something done within a motion or at a SC? It sounds like a wonderful thing...like a grand jury process. My case has been limping along (I'm the respondent) for 11 months. Her affidavit contains nothing that makes any legal sense as a claim. I've been saying to everybody I discuss this with...it sure would save a lot if money if a judge could take 15min to read this crap and just toss it out.

On another note I read a procedural book on family law and it says if a file is older than 365 days without a conference scheduled then the clerk will file a notice of dismissal. What happens if I just let the thing die (assuming the other side is too embarrassed to proceed) do we just hang in limbo? What becomes of custody/access? How do we deal with equalization and support?

Is it just back to square one?







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  #30 (permalink)  
Old 07-12-2014, 03:08 PM
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Mediation goes through Family Law Section in the courthouse. Go to,the Family Law offices at the courthouse and ask about mediation.

My daughter just went through the process.

Step 1. Go to,the courthouse and ask for family court mediation services. Usually speak with a coordinator who will take details - your name etc and find you a mediator

Step 2 . Make an appointment to complete intake session 1/2 hr with the mediator.

At the intake session the mediator will ask you,lots of questions to see where the mediation needs to focus on and its a good idea to,have a prioritized list and some details to,share.

step 2. Ex. Is now contacted and asked to complete an intake session, again 1/2 hr with the same mediator.

Step 3 . Mediation date is set up. You can choose to mediate with or without lawyers present. You can also usually do it by teleconference, Skype if you cannot be in the same room.

Mediator can make a report if you want,which can then be shared with your lawyer.

She was told the first hour is free and then its a set rate per hour paid by both prorated to income.

She actually used these services at her initial separation in another town in Ontario and is now using it again in her present residential city. The first time he actually had a cancellation ( couple who were booked next had a fist fight in the hallway so their session was cancelled) so he just continued and did not charge them.

Good luck.
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