lawyer says get assesed for child custody issues

[mgchoosey]

My first consult with lawyer, who I like, said I should find a social worker/psychologist...someone with expertise with children/parents seperating etc..
She said she could find someone but recommended I do the search to save money.

The basic issue is that my wife wants sole custody(as Ive posted before).

Im hopeful that if we go this route my wife will change her mind.

Has anybody worked with social services in this way?
..was the assessment worth it later when & if it came to being used in court?
Did it help the parents come to an agreement?

Also my lawyer mentioned that at some point our child could also be interviewed as well. (Presently tho he does not now we are planning to seperate.)

thanks

[mominont]

I'm not sure if you mean social services as in social assistance/welfare? If so they do not get involved in coming up with parenting assessments.

There are social workers & psychologist that have their own companies that work with families and provide a parenting assessment - they are not free. It could be big bucks.

If you wanted to provide your general area I may be able to get you some names. You could easily google your area, social worker, parenting assessments and probably locate some names.

Now if you decided to go the court route, and asked for the judge to order the Office of the Childrens Lawyer. They *might* get involved though they usually tend to take high conflict, mental illness, drug addiction type of cases. My lawyer tells me that they tend to take fewer and fewer cases, and I've been very lucky to have them involved twice - my child is 6.

I've gone through 2 social worker reports and the social worker has interviewed the child. The judge tends to look at these in good regard.

[mgchoosey]

Thanks. I meant parenting assessment.And I guess someone
to talk to my son & get his feedback if needed.

So I guess you are saying I will need to look at private practice people.

We dont have any difficult issues with lifestyle-providing-are son is healthy.

Im not sure if I did spend the money & time how this would assist
mine our my wifes lawyers.Except perhaps to convince my wife that we should have joint custody(as she wants sole...)
or maybe build a strong case to bring before a judge.

M

[mominont]

I've gone back and checked out some of your other posts.

I wouldn't leave the house and child unless you have formalized a custody/seperation agreement.

I also wouldn't agree to my child spending upto 6 months in another country.
I imagine it would be quite disruptive to the child's schooling. I wouldn't give her sole custody either..she would have an easier chance to move there for good!

[Bewildered]

I just read this thread, and need to ask why you would be in such quick agreement to give your wife sole custody in the first place?

Nowadays fathers can get a 40% - 60% split much more often than years past. Also your child support payment may be lower if you have the child 40% of the time.

If you leave the home, you will be considered abandoning the home by the courts and your chances of obtaining a 40% - 60% split custody arrangement are almost nill. It sucks, but that's just the way it is.

You have to stay in the home with your wife & children until a custody agreement has been reached in writing.

Unfortunately all lawyers want to get from these cases is our money. They are the only ones that win.

If at all possible, I suggest working out an amicable separation with your wife, and learn by reading up on everything you want to know about online, speak to people through this site, etc. Knowledge is power. The more educated you are about your particular situation, the better equipped you will be in your decisions.

I'm going through the same thing now with my wife. I have one son, and I haven't done anything yet. She doesn't even know that I am seriously contemplating divorce, because I am still in the stage where I want to learn everything I can before I decide what route to take.

You should do the same.

Good luck

[mgchoosey]

Bewildered-thanks-im right with you on all that stuff...it is my wife who refuses to educate herself or know the law.Its going on 2 years now since
we decided to seperate...I would never leave my son-i'm aware of the consequences..."de-facto custody" etc...as that just happened to a friend.

However parenting assessment was something i never considered...and Im
still not sure what the point is (in my case).

[Bewildered]

I don't know what the point of that would be either, to determine who's a better parent, hence, who will get your child more of the time?

I think you would be wasting $$$ on that, because in the end it's the judge that decides anyway, and if you're a good father, a parenting assessment wouldn't make a difference in my opinion, it would only add to your stress levels and deplete your bank account.

Divorce is expensive enough.

I'm still learning. I have a lot to learn still. What is "de-facto custody"?

[mgchoosey]

ya-im wonderin why the lawyer suggested it-however i explained to her that my wife is extremly traditional...so maybe its to educate her..pretty expensive...3000-7000$...

de-facto is just the term they use in law---if you leave the house where your wife & kids reside she would get 'de-facto' custody..(and would be able to do whatever she wants with them-(except leave the country)...

it means custody automatically goes to her...altho its is not neccessarily legal or permanent--but from what i hear a judge would tend to grant full custody to that parent later in a court case



m

[Bewildered]

I think that is ridiculous, to spend that kind of money on something that may or may not assist you to your favor in the end. Would the lawyer be making any money on that if you choose to proceed with it? Perhaps she has her own hidden agenda for suggesting it?

Thank you for explaining that term to me. I knew about the ramifications of leaving the home, but never heard that term used before.

I'm extremely fearful to pursue this in my situation for so many reasons. I'm scared that I'll miss out on things with my son, and that he won't understand. I'm scared that probably 1/2 my pay cheque will go to child support payments, which I think doesn't include additional necessities, like daycare, etc., which would further deplete me.

My wife has always worked, but makes very little money. If we separate, she would have to work, and who would look after our son when she's working? That's where daycare would come in. Right now, we both share looking after him. When I'm at work, she's not, and visa versa.

I'm also worried that a judge may grant her spousal support on top of child support, and then I'm really screwed. I honestly don't think I can afford separating.

What are your thoughts?